Love: Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 506

21/10/2010 02:04

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 296

You deserved it 3 165

Mother of the year

Good kid

Can't buy me love

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 280

26/11/2018 17:30

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 188

07/02/2009 04:58

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 457

You deserved it 3 613

12/07/2009 18:25

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 170

You deserved it 12 607

23/11/2015 17:00

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 084

11/05/2009 17:07

Spicy

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 023

You deserved it 3 514

12/08/2018 20:30

Today, my husband of 10 years decided only after I told him I wanted a divorce that his niece is also his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 959

You deserved it 256

23/10/2010 06:22

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 004

You deserved it 3 904

31/07/2009 22:46

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 874

You deserved it 9 150

15/11/2010 09:35

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 027

You deserved it 5 401

Nobody wins

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 08:01

Today, I found that the product we shipped and what the salesman billed don't match. It's my job to flag such issues, as they cost the company money. The salesman asked me to shut up and be his accomplice, as it was done to please the client. The sales manager had to agree, but said I was causing trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 56

16/10/2013 13:33

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 038

You deserved it 7 086

Quickfire round

By Driri - 31/07/2021 08:00

Today, I had a panel job interview with 3 people. My nerves got the best of me, especially when they asked me about my weaknesses. I gave them an answer, but they kept bombarding me with additional follow-up questions that I couldn’t think of the answers to. It got so bad, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 101

18/10/2012 04:58

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 2 724

29/07/2009 16:46

Spicy

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 075

You deserved it 7 239

24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 2 123

17/10/2012 23:15

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 2 362

17/07/2011 20:44

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 563

You deserved it 8 849

15/05/2014 22:57

Spicy

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 60 222

02/03/2009 13:38

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 456

You deserved it 4 975

Helmut Newton strikes back

By badizzle - 15/09/2019 22:00

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 114

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 74

07/11/2010 00:37

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 118

You deserved it 4 108

26/01/2014 00:33

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 913

You deserved it 52 806

14/10/2016 03:46

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 763

You deserved it 1 271

29/08/2014 20:15

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 646

You deserved it 7 543

10/01/2013 06:28

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 505

You deserved it 7 913

07/12/2009 18:20

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 050

You deserved it 4 986

07/10/2011 10:35

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 669

You deserved it 17 428

18/10/2013 23:44

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 6 107

08/06/2011 03:05

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 111

You deserved it 32 106

01/04/2013 11:57

Spicy

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 623

You deserved it 6 713

06/09/2010 00:29

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 433

You deserved it 7 714

Oddly specific thief

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 14:00

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 114

18/05/2012 16:05

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 2 450

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 25/05/2011 05:21

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 425

You deserved it 3 620

16/01/2013 19:02

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 513

You deserved it 3 779

17/07/2009 00:05

Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 470

You deserved it 5 399

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:01

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. My 3 best friends, who I've known since I was born, supported me by asking for her number, and now all are trying to date her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 147

The Dictator

By anonymous - 18/01/2012 05:06

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 4 096

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Top comments

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:03

You mean ex gf?

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:16

Better not let her fiance find out his future wife has been cheating on him with you. Just saying.

Comments

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:02

Wow. well I'm sorry.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:33

Why are some people such dirty sluts?

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:39

exactly op look at it this way at least ur not the one marrying the slut

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:41

@20 - because they like it that way.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:43

The gf Is weird. it's called karma!!! not to be a troll but I'm happy cuz I got first. not important but I think it's cool.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 10:01

ouch is all I have to say. you'll move on though... :(

stephanie0613 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 10:29

I agree with 21, FYL OP but atleast she's your ex girlfriend now. I hope.

iSitt 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 11:04

karma is bs. no good deed goes unpunished either. goto her wedding and when the priest asks if there is anyone who objects, stand up and show her sexts.

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:03

You mean ex gf?

Elixa 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 10:50

Obviously he did not mean ex gf! what kind of lame FML would that be then?! ... I just realized that my ex has moved on and is engaged?!..... You should read it properly next time...

surefirewinners 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 11:21

31, I think she meant ex-girlfriend now.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 11:22

fmls are best read as if they are happening as you read them, it's narrative.

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 19:17

I see what you did there (:

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:04

Sad day :( I'm sorry op

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:05

Classic FYL :)

firechildredhead 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:06

Oh dang! How did you not suspect ANYTHING was going on? Not even just a little? Sorry OP. FYL

sweet_candy_ 17

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:06

You are better off without her op.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 14:45

nnot neceserily she may nevrr get another gf

daisy_marie1102 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 23:40

defiantly

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:07

If you live in the Southern United States or are a member of an old fashioned European royal family, there's a chance both statements could be true! "Waits for people who can't take a joke"

IAreStarfeesh 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:26

*Furious statement of fury*

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Thursday 21 October 2010 10:11

I would think that the demographic that wouldn't like that would be pretty small.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 17:03

I'm from the Southern US, and I have to say that, as a Southerner, you're...um, right. Dammit.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:07

headbutt that bitch and walk away shell understand loud and clear

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:09

wow

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:15

Bang her sister?

triple_double 1

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:57

bang her fiancé?

BlackMoon_fml 9

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Thursday 21 October 2010 19:06

Hahaha. I thought the same thing! That will teach the bitch a lesson. Mwahaha :D *rubs hands in evil manner*