Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on... - FML

By Dumped - 18/2/2010 08:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

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Season finale

The student becomes the master

Minefield

By addictedtofml - 24/2/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

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By bcf1234 - 15/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

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By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2012 19:50 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

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By Dor51 - 27/10/2013 19:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

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By sadface - 11/8/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

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By a - 12/5/2015 16:37 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

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By Missa - 4/7/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, one of our store's beach balls came out of nowhere and whacked me in the back of my head. I started reaming out two young girls for playing in the store, even when they said it wasn't them. Soon after, one of my employees admitted that it was her. I made some 7 year olds cry and it wasn't them. FML

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By dont_shit_where_i_eat - 29/8/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

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By BannedfromFriend - 20/5/2015 23:21 - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

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By sick of this shit - 12/3/2016 13:33 - United States - West Grove

Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML

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By NotBeingPaidEnough - 3/3/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

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By n_london - 12/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

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By donny31459 - 10/8/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

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By Ugh - 15/11/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

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By Nick - 5/4/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

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By aye! - 25/7/2020 02:02

Porque no los dos?

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

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By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

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By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

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By Miserable person - 10/9/2019 18:00

Choosing Beggars

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

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By kashish0711 - 2/8/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

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By Snotmyfault - 11/1/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 09:32 - India

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

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By Whatswrongwithme? - 3/11/2013 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 22:49 - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

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By 0h_Boy - 4/3/2020 18:00

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

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By madison77 - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

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By Philip - 17/2/2017 16:00 - Australia

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By Rose - 23/7/2012 23:06 - United States

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2018 22:00 - United States - Lyons

Instagone

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost four years was breaking up with me when she captioned an Instagram post saying, "Who else besides me is going into 2018 single?" I had already bought an engagement ring. FML

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By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

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By RP Havens - 10/1/2013 06:25 - United States - Galloway

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

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By Paul Williams - 24/6/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

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By AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone - 13/12/2012 14:35 - Australia - Newport

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

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By monogamyisalie - 23/7/2015 17:29 - United States

Today, an attractive man hit on me for the first time since I ended my 3-year relationship with my cheating ex. Then the man told me he'd just gotten out of prison last week. FML

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Top comments

By oh_dee | 0

#869069 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:49

Wow, this sucks a lot (especially if you really loved her), but it's a good thing that you broke up...cheating shouldn't be tolerated and she should feel guilty for what she did. I'm not sure if I would have the strength to give a guy another chance if he cheated on me.

By Kcired | 0

#868940 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:09

wow, selfish bitch, Fyl man :(

fail to #2

COMMENTS

By yoshi359 | 0

#868932 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:08

fyl

Reply

AlcaSMT | 0

#868961 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:13

Wear sunglasses.

Reply

LTMcleod | 0

#868972 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:17

or only allow her to see your other head, and make sure she takes proper care haha

Reply

Enoch134 | 0

#868992 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:23

sadly this happen to me :( yet when I tried to tell her it didn't matter I still loved her she walked away 4 weeks later I found out she is spreading rumors that I beat her 0.o (I did not) now I can't get a date:(

Reply

Horde | 8

#869068 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:49

this is BS, her weak excuse to dump you. She don't love you anymore, just don't have the balls to tell you straight.

Reply

TheRipper_fml | 0

#869134 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:16

Does it really matter? Being drunk is no excuse. The girl has hoe tendencies. It's better to end it now and not have to deal with it again in the future.

Reply

TheSexynator | 0

#869155 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:27

spoon out ur eyes so she cnt look at dem 

Reply

brianred5 | 0

#869157 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:28

exactly what 7 said

Reply

bleedinginside | 0

#869241 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:13

ahhahahhaha OP's nickname is "Dumped"

Reply

TuthDoc | 0

#869285 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:34

sounds like a selfish immature brat, who won't really take responsibility for her actions. you're better off.

Reply

deepbluesea | 1

#869289 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:36

If you have people willing to testify to what they heard, you may want to consider a deafamation of character lawsuit.

Reply

thor89 | 0

#869299 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:40

She has moré balls than you

Reply

boomboompow1985 | 0

#869321 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:54

what the fuck is up with bicyhes these days. either they cheat on ya or can't get over their exes. fuck and chuck is the way to go these days my fellow brothers.

Reply

theian01 | 3

#869328 - Thursday 18 February 2010 18:57

Best to get rid of her and move on. She blamed herself and that's all there is to it. it's her fault. Easy to move on from.

Reply

amatayo | 0

#869501 - Thursday 18 February 2010 20:21

wowzer bowzer

Reply

chew4220 | 0

#869608 - Thursday 18 February 2010 20:51

ya dude thats some bullshit man fyl

Reply

fortmilleer | 0

#870353 - Friday 19 February 2010 1:23

ydi for being a submissive bitch

Reply

lildrummerboy47 | 0

#1255572 - Tuesday 17 August 2010 6:02

I never drink with my girlfriend and if I do we agree to stay with each other because of precisely reasons like this.

By KiDD66 | 0

#868933 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

mezsed | 0

#868990 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:23

Fail.

Reply

Averizzle | 0

#869063 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:48

Nice try kid, try again next time.

Reply

do20ss | 4

#869377 - Thursday 18 February 2010 19:38

Kidd u got some bigotatas for 12 yrs old....u need a tutor? lol o wrong fml lol

By Kcired | 0

#868940 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:09

wow, selfish bitch, Fyl man :(

fail to #2

Reply

Ouroboros_fml | 0

#870111 - Friday 19 February 2010 0:01

Next time your would-be anniversary rolls around, send her an anniversary card, but cross out whatever is written inside and write "Tipsy Tipsy Trollup" and draw a stickfigure of a drunken whore with a sign around her neck reading "Handjobs 25 cents, Blowjobs $2, the works, $5"

Reply

VampirePenguin | 0

#871697 - Friday 19 February 2010 8:44

WIN

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#872820 - Friday 19 February 2010 19:00

#114 that is too funny! I'm picturing the drawing! Seems that Op would rather be with a hoe then alone. Sorry for your heartbreak. Don't worry there are still plenty of hoes out there to replace her.

By Ucla_cupcake | 0

#868945 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:10

Kind of sounds what I did. I wasn't drunk nor did I cheat. I simply felt bad because I liked another guy. Am I an idiot for doing that? yep

Reply

SnickerDoodleSux | 0

#868975 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:17

your not an idiot, your just mexican.

Reply

xJaypex | 0

#869077 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:52

jackass

Reply

SnickerDoodleSux | 0

#869129 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:14

dont feed da troll

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#869141 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:20

Why the hell did my post get deleted? I was making fun of the last commentator's use of the word 'your' instead of 'you're'
Jeez!

Reply

TheSexynator | 0

#869160 - Thursday 18 February 2010 17:29

bcuz ur not snickerdoodles :P

Reply

Boddmon | 0

#869383 - Thursday 18 February 2010 19:41

Aw, my comment is back but makes no sense now since the previous comment is gone. Boo!

By lickmyjock | 0

#868948 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:11

your life is good now, no fml

Reply

vaenwt | 0

#868973 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:17

agree, you just don't stay with a girl who cheats on you

By EllyH | 0

#868964 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:14

well, that's what guilt does to some people..

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#872275 - Friday 19 February 2010 14:54

Why is it that I know *a lot* of girls who think this way, and not one guy who does?

By tiancai | 0

#868966 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By UrLiFsuX | 4

#868969 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:16

sounded like an excuse and she likes the "other guy" to me, but either way... fyl

Reply

sublimaze | 6

#868982 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:20

agreed. sounds like she found another c0ck she wants to ride

By xtrmtrig | 0

#868983 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:20

Typical female BS excuses...

By m11583 | 0

#868999 - Thursday 18 February 2010 16:24

Wow, this is word for word what happened to me, and she was from Cali too. Does she live near San Fransisco?

So in conclusion "Same B*tch, Different C*nt"