Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken... - FML

By whatthef - 2/11/2009 18:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

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Goodbye Bill

Long story short

Night terrors

By NaurLalaith - 10/8/2016 16:26

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2014 18:43 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

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By idontevencareanymore - 23/5/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

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By codizzy - 18/8/2016 22:05

Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML

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By Anoymous - 9/6/2013 06:02 - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

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By jogginglikeitsmyjob - 31/7/2014 11:51 - United States - Boston

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 13:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Control freak

Today, after over a month of planning, my friend had to cancel her first night out in over a year. Why? Because her "perfect" fiancé didn't want to, and started sulking when she tried to, so decided to put off letting her go out for a few more months. Apparently, it's my fault this happens. FML

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By bride2be - 14/2/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 01:55 - United States - Darien

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

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By whymanwhy - 13/4/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

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By Kurochrome - 18/7/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

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By sad gf - 14/11/2010 20:29

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

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By Alex - 26/6/2014 21:13 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

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By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

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By NestHead - 1/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

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By naomids - 30/12/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

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By damnitsam - 6/8/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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By Heknowsnothing - 13/7/2016 21:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote 'You no nothing John Snow'. It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 20:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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By me - 10/11/2012 19:49 - United States - Bend

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

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By FMyLife5915 - 4/9/2010 04:15

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

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By hipster glasses - 16/8/2013 11:08 - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

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By MandieL - 30/1/2016 08:56 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

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By Luke - 19/3/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

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By dollabill009 - 6/6/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2015 14:57 - Italy - Padova

Today, as I tried to get off the bus, my bag and the hand holding it got stuck between the exit doors. I dropped the bag in panic, but the driver wouldn't let me off until we got to the next stop. I had to walk all the way back to get my bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

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By jake - 29/2/2012 14:49 - United States

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

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By Sam - 2/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

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By DarkPhoenix - 4/12/2008 11:16 - France

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2019 04:00

Today, my moron of a teenager drank lube to lubricate his throat during a coughing fit, thinking it would take away the itchiness in his throat. FML

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By disappointment - 5/6/2018 15:00

Today, my mom walked out on me, abandoning her 16-year-old and taking $100 and a dog, all because I refused to wear women's panties. I would have been perfectly fine wearing them if I weren't a man. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

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By xXEndlesslullabyXx - 5/6/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

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By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

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By roadkill0321 - 7/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - 1/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

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Top comments

By 1337Steph | 0

#651380 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:12

Wow, that's really disturbing.

By Skull_300 | 0

#651439 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:30

Please forward this message to her...."We are Whattheef's online friends, send us tit pics too!!!"

COMMENTS

By 1337Steph | 0

#651380 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:12

Wow, that's really disturbing.

Reply

White667 | 0

#651957 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 6:53

LoL, fucking awesome uncle xD

Reply

Bananaaa_fml | 0

#681662 - Saturday 21 November 2009 2:49

i have a confession...............i am the uncle
*GASP* :O

Reply

killerpenguin4 | 9

#1077516 - Sunday 11 July 2010 0:02

I'd dump that bitch

Reply

conkilla | 0

#1294936 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 15:44

sum ppl r just sluts n wanna share their bodies with every1 YDI for picking a slutty gf

Reply

cheerloveyou | 0

#2341494 - Wednesday 13 April 2011 3:51

did you seriously have to write in "text talk"?!

By amrz95 | 0

#651389 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:15

noiceeee

By Skull_300 | 0

#651439 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:30

Please forward this message to her...."We are Whattheef's online friends, send us tit pics too!!!"

By blakehilli8 | 0

#651447 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:33

fitrsysd

By perdix | 29

#651448 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:34

So, does he approve?

It's good to get buy-in from the men in your family. Especially the perverted ones.
Were the tit pics good, or did she have to Photoshop them?

Reply

fireobsessed | 0

#884456 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 6:01

probly Photoshop if not he would sa so

By Bran_Dizzle_ | 0

#651485 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:52

Wow

Ahaha

Can she send some this way?

By ninjobliveus13 | 0

#651486 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:55

that actually sucks pretty bad... don't worry though your uncle didn't have enough Viagra to use those pictures for their intended use

Reply

fireobsessed | 0

#906655 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:25

niceee!!!!!

By getreadysetfml | 0

#651559 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:37

...:D old men r soo kick ass

By jbm0225 | 0

#651561 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:38

that's freakin' AWESOME!!

By armybarbie | 1

#651597 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:57

time for a new girlfriend maybe?

Reply

zumiez069 | 5

#4316333 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 14:14

Who wouldnt want a gurlfriend thst sends pics when ever u want?