By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 20:42 - United States - Lombard
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I don't see how or why they'd need to call child services...why not try to speak to the parent first? Little girls always try to imitate their mothers first because that's who they look up to the most. Maybe OPs daughter just felt that's how she could be like her mom. I think the teacher was wrong to call child services for something that small and mundane.
74, Did you hear about that mom who was being sued by her ex for custody of their toddler daughter because she dressed her up like Dolly Parton with breast and buttock pads? Apparently her ex was trying to argue that she was an unfit parent because of it. I thought that was pretty ridiculous myself. Let's just take every little boy whose worn those fake muscle padded super hero costumes away from his parents, why don't we?
94, That's not the point. If it's normal for little boys to play dress up and wear padding to emulate adult features far more mature than their actual age, then it shouldn't be a problem for a little girl to do the same thing. And, while Dolly Parton isn't a super hero, her voluptuous figure is a major part of her image, just as Super Man's muscular physique is a major part of his image.
Not saying that it's okay for OP's daughter to do what she's doing, just to clarify. Dressing up for Halloween or a beauty pageant is one thing, but a child pretending to have an adult's body every day is troubling. Although the teacher should have talked to OP before she contacted authorities.
What's wrong with public figures? I met a little girl dressed up as Katy Perry on Halloween. Like Dolly Parton, she is also a musical artist. Was it wrong for her mother to let her dress up as Katy Perry because she is a singer and celebrity like Dolly Parton? Or is Katy Perry acceptable as a child's costume because Katy Perry doesn't have large breasts? What if, instead of the padding along with a blonde wig and pink sparkly gown for a Dolly Parton costume, it was padding, a black wig, and a Wonder Woman dress and tiara? Or what about Hulk Hogan? Should a little boy not wear muscle padding if he wants to pretend to be a wrestler rather than a super hero? All I'm saying is that there seems to be a double standard when it comes to boys and girls and costumes, and you seem to buy into that double standard too. I also think this is why a lot of people overreacted to that stupid Dolly Parton costume. The same logic may also be why this teacher overreacted to this 9 year old's odd clothes. "A push up bra??? DEAR GOD, SHE'S BEING ABUSED!!!"
Unfortunately raising children is being taken away from the parents. Child services would only be called in after the parents are notified, unless it's a very serious issue and the child is in danger of further bodily or emotional harm. On the other hand there are a lot of parents today that are either too busy or lacking basic parental skills. Maybe this can be handled in the school system. Along with common sense. A while ago there was actually a subject called Reasoning. At least in the Caribbean. It is sorely need today.
Child services often gets called before the parent is notified in many cases. While I agree with the above double standard, you still wouldn't let your son go to school daily in a super hero costume. A nine year old in a push up bra and make up is actually rather concerning, and the fact that she is doing it behind the mums back. However the school really should have just called her first not child services. It may not be all bad though maybe child services can teach her some ways of handling this behavior,.
I disagree, 116. A woman's breasts and buttocks are immediately apparent under socially acceptable clothes, and there's nothing profane about that when kept within reason, just as there's nothing profane about a man's muscles being immediately apparent in most public settings. An erect penis, which is what a cucumber would simulate, should never be publicly flaunted. And your are clearly a heterosexual male if you think that a man's muscles aren't sexually provocative. Put fake ones on a little boy, though, and they do nothing for me. The same should go for fake breasts on little girl. If someone finds that sexually provocative, then there's something wrong with that person, not the child's costume.
That's the problem 119, there are people out there who find little girls sexually attractive. You might have heard of them, they're called pedophiles. Just like an adult female dressing sexy invites unwanted attention, around a pedo I dolled up 9 year old to look like Dolly Parton will also bring unwanted attention. And, since they don't all have flashing neon signs saying they're pedos, it's better to be safe than sorry. The same could be said for little boys and fake muscles. It's terrible they think like that in the first place so lets make our kids look sexy, just so we can be sure they're being noticed? We don't need to make the object of their desires that much more appealing!!
first off, pedophiles are pedophiles. no matter how a kid looks, there will always be an attraction, which is sick...but I agree with 116...what is the point of a sexualized costume for a young child? yes accentuating breasts and butts IS something sexual, and for some reason, it is being implied that because adults do it, kids should too? Kids can be dressed up as any of those people without accentuating certain body parts, and still be identifiable. And to me, accentuating muscles can't even hold a flame to the sexual implications of accentuating breasts and butts...
Of course there's always going to be an attraction, but like an adult female with it all hanging dressing a little girl the same way, brings on even more attention. I'm so glad I don't have kids. 95% of the clothes they make for little girls are terribly inappropriate. I don't even agree with them wearing bikinis. It's disgusting that clothing stores see no issue with halter tops and mini skirts for 9 year old girls. Hell, I've even seen hello kitty THONGS for children. Whoever thought that was acceptable needs to beat with crowbar.
Agreed, 126. In any matter, I don't believe there was justification for the teacher to automatically call CPS on the mother...when I was 6 years old, one of my teachers called my parents in with a meeting with the principle, and straight up accused then of beating me because I would have a couple bruises on me every so often...when truth was, I was a hell raiser...always climbing trees and playing football with my cousins...and I bruised like a peach...so it's not always the parents fault when a child acts a certain way...
116 took the words right out of my mouth (fingers?) on this. Teenage girls "stuff" their bras to look like they have bigger boobs, with the intent of being more sexually attractive. doing something like that to a little girl sexualizes her when she's nowhere near old enough for that. It is not a double standard to say that little girls should not be flaunting their chests and butts, and that it is okay for boys to wear superhero suits with muscles. And I'm a heterosexual female, so I guess that "you must be a heterosexual male" argument is invalid.
@#31 I don't think society has gotten that much better at all. Women still are seen as useless if they don't submit to the standards the media has created for them. Its so sad (I didn't find it that humorous) that a girl as young as 9 felt the need to prove her worth this way and not through her talents or bright mind. She obviously doesn't think she looks acceptable if she took the time and effort to do what she was doing. Anyway, just my two cents. I hope OP helps her daughter realize that she can do just fine without push-up bras and lipstick.
Anyone who thinks the media or society's view on women has gotten better please allow me to introduce you to the Snooki and Kim Kardashian role models that exist today. Not saying that excuses bad or absent parenting but what could Op do if she wasn't aware. I would think the teacher would at least consult with her before taking such a serious step like calling social services.
We were talking about this the other day in my class. There are certain situations in which the teacher must go to social services in lieu of speaking to the parent directly, including cases of sexual exploitation. While this was an innocent event for the mother, the teacher was just doing her job. Then again, if the parent had frequent communication with the teacher, the teacher would have likely known better. No one is at fault here. The teacher was just doing her job (blame the system); the mother was clueless; and the daughter...well, she should've known better but how accountable can you make a nine year old?
What 34 said. I teach and anytime there's anything remotely suspect going on at home, we are legally required (in my state) to report it directly to school administration and social services within the next 24 hours and NOT the parents (don't want the parents coaching the children as often happens in abuse cases - and this would be viewed as a potential sexual abuse case). We can't even prompt the child for any information as it may botch the investigation. Nor are we allowed to exercise "best judgement" in any cases, because the moment you give people the liberty to use common sense, you get those idiots with absolutely zero common sense mucking everything up and potentially endangering children.
I know all about teacher obligations, as mentioning a fight my parents and I had once got the Department of Children and Families called because I was speaking within earshot of a teacher. What a mess that was. But I don't understand the 'abuse' here. Was the girl showing boys her bra in the bathroom? Was she at school with suspicious bruises or the same dirty clothes? Was she shying away from touch? Or making overly mature sexual references? No. She was just playing dress up and trying to be older. I did the same thing at 9, albeit not at school. I think the teacher was being excessively paranoid to cry abuse. That or the OP is omitting information.
The fact that a 9 year old trying to 'be like mommy', or acting too grown up would be viewed as a potential sexual abuse case is so wrong I can't even describe it. I always wanted to be an elementary school teacher, but simply because of all the ridiculous restrictions now I didn't bother, after a friend of mine was basically asked to quit because the school found out she had been using common sense and her own judgement when deciding if it was necessary to taint peoples lives with social services. I feel sorry for OP, the system sucks.
We have to, the consequences for not reporting something that could be considered child abuse, neglect, or endangerment, of a sexual nature or not is thousands of dollars and years in jail. We're expressly told not to inform parents at all. We sign a mandatory report contract at the beginning of each year.
I understand that, as I said I have teacher friends, my point is that there is no reason on this earth that one should suspect any kind of abuse, sexual or otherwise, simply because the child is clearly wearing mommy's bra or makeup; that is the EXACT type of situation in which the parents should be contacted after the very first instance of it happening!
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At least you found out from the teacher before something went horribly wrong!
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I'm sorry the teacher felt pushed to handle the situation. Maybe your daughter just wanted to see the boys in her class bra-wl over her. I bet the girls in her class were jealous, too. In any case, OP, I hope you have steal courage in order to face the situation with Social Services and you and your daughter can hold it in your cup full of memories and laugh on it when you're older.
This is a very sad commentary on the ways little girls feel pressured to grow up too fast. OP, this isn't a matter for Social Services, I'm sorry you went through that- but you need to help her understand she'll be a grown up for a long time and only a kid once....Good Luck!!
What is wrong with a 3rd grade teacher who goes to social services before requesting a conference with the parent...