Love: Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How?... - FML

By anon - 11/01/2016 17:21 - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 1 859

Mama's boy

Mean Girls

Mistaken identity

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 159

Compassion? Pah!

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up to me crying. He asked what was wrong, but before I could answer, he'd already rolled over and started snoring louder than ever, making the migraine I was crying about even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 6 602

By wtf - 30/01/2015 09:00 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 528

You deserved it 2 628

By Ashe - 01/06/2012 17:58 - Australia - Carrum

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 448

You deserved it 2 119

By silly_billy - 11/06/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 259

You deserved it 54 524

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 710

By anonymous - 10/12/2015 02:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I've become so accustomed to finding my sister drunk or otherwise passed out in the same spot in the living room that every time I go in there, I instinctively lift my feet higher as though to step over her, even when she's not there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 418

You deserved it 1 678

By Judgeisalwaysright - 01/03/2016 08:57 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 20 881

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 728

You deserved it 4 124

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 00:43 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 820

You deserved it 2 172

By anonymous - 07/10/2011 15:09 - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 685

You deserved it 2 682

By Anonymous - 11/03/2012 23:19 - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 296

You deserved it 29 148

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 574

The Talk

By Ken - 10/05/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 787

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 2 447

Pubeblocked

By PubelishedAuthor - 15/03/2010 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 718

You deserved it 33 132

Get me out of here

By IamHM - 19/07/2016 18:36 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 1 746

By caltech - 10/10/2012 04:15 - United States - San Jose

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 087

You deserved it 2 072

By sammarli530 - 29/05/2013 16:24 - United States - New Lenox

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 758

You deserved it 52 067

By Anonymous - 28/09/2010 20:42 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 3 211

By Porter_Robinson - 30/04/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 351

You deserved it 9 163

By penguindude82 - 06/05/2012 07:38 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 690

You deserved it 33 683

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58

Today, the momma's boy I was getting to know cried when I said we should just be friends. He said I was being added to the list of people who treat him like shit and verbally abuse him. He has bad hygiene, musty, wears dirty clothes and I taught him how to properly clean a toilet. But I’m the bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 85

By Stressed - 24/09/2018 22:00

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 129

The '80s called

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 13:59

Today, I received 3 phone calls and 3 long and rather monotonous messages on my answering machine. Literally monotonous. As in, repeating the same tone over and over. The caller was a fax machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 75

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 732

Seems fair

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 20:00

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 332

By Mcwifi - 21/04/2016 17:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 806

You deserved it 1 431

By disappointed - 23/09/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 180

You deserved it 14 087

Knowledge is power

By andy - 28/01/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 241

You deserved it 2 833

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Spicy

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 312

You deserved it 43 357

By anonymous - 10/09/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 931

You deserved it 3 346

By username - 31/07/2011 22:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 470

You deserved it 16 472

By oldandmarriedapparently - 02/03/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 492

You deserved it 25 747

By Anonymous - 01/12/2017 01:30

Today, after a year of diet and rigorous exercise, I've still gained weight. Confused, I went to my doctor. Apparently I have a thyroid condition he forgot to mention, and therefore haven't been on medication for, thus causing weight gain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 854

You deserved it 238

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 360

By Anonymous - 08/03/2010 14:35 - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 2 982

By frgn8r - 31/05/2010 11:59 - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 126

You deserved it 35 883

Empathy

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 431

You deserved it 4 592

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Top comments

geekpower_fml 28

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

Dick_diamond 22

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

Comments

RenamonFucksLuna 21

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Oh nooo :(

ona16 22

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 6:53

Please do not tempt the Kool-Aid Man. The amount of damage has caused is astronomical. Thanks

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 17:22

Why so hate ?

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 6:24

amount of damage this has caused*

RenamonFucksLuna 21

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Thursday 14 January 2016 0:10

Awww :(

geekpower_fml 28

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:26

Eye see what you did there!

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 3:25

Eye would say to tell your crush what her boyfriend did. That'll definitely cause some issues if you want to break them up. He seems like a bad enough guy.

4WheelBurnout 14

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 4:52

You might even say love struck?

Dick_diamond 22

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

THE_GLOW_CLOUD 9

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:11

#3 True. He needs to make her realize that she deserves better than that paranoid, aggressive asshat.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:32

New plan. Charge him with assault and then when he's put away, take his girl.

EvilLittleGirl 24

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:24

love hurts.

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:47

Actually I think it was the punch to the face that hurt

EvilLittleGirl 24

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 15:22

I highly doubt that.

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Worth it

The_ghetto_mango 25

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Well, they might break up.......... There is hope

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:28

Cause that's DEFINITELY within your control, some people smh

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:30

Which means she told her boyfriend. Possible break up incoming! You've got a chance, OP!

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

even if they don't break up, go for it. Be the gentleman that he obviously isn't.

Zebediabolical 39

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 0:00

I think you may be a little confused as to what a gentleman is.

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Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

pretty sure the boyfriend doesn't have the right to punch you like that. or do anything about it at all. its a crush. nothing more. he is supposed to trust his girlfriend to do the right thing, such as ignore it, or she breaks up, and then hooks up with her crush, in that order.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 3

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 55