Love: Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How?... - FML

By anon - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

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Out of it

Clean break

Whackjobs 'R Us

By OytoBeAfather - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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By bunyipp - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

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By LiveGuard - United States

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

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By dpl - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

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By DeathPopStar666

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

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By - 27/2/2020 20:00

Completely wet

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 04:58 - Germany

Noise annoys

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

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By yee-whore - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

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By Screwed - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

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By broken - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

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By dr mamour - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML

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By SadIndianLife - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

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By samantha711 - United States

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I ask my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

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By ellarose - United States

Today, I walked over to join a group of friends and heard them talking about how hot some guy was but how ugly his sister was. I asked who they were talking about and there was an awkward silence, they hadn't realized I was there. Apparently, they were talking about my brother. FML

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By Noca - United States

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

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By Jake - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

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By son - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

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By hair2daygone4ever - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

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By Mark Allan - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

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By oh my son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By PieterseMJ - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

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By piercingfreak - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

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By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

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By secret dancer - Sweden

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2020 02:02

All in the family

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

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By - France

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

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By oof - 9/7/2020 23:01

Boom, headshot

Today, my fiancé and I were discussing whether we should have a gun in the house or not. He argued that I’m too clumsy to have one. Offended, I turned around to storm off. I hit my forehead on the cabinet I'd left open and immediately started gushing blood. Point proved. FML

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By SmallTownCutie

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

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By Disgusted - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

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By Awkward - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

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By KittKatt - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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Top comments

By geekpower_fml | 28

#6507937 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6507938 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

COMMENTS

By RenamonFucksLuna | 21

#6507936 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Oh nooo :(

Reply

ona16 | 22

#6508239 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 6:53

Please do not tempt the Kool-Aid Man. The amount of damage has caused is astronomical. Thanks

Reply

walid820014 | 20

#6508551 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 17:22

Why so hate ?

Reply

holyshmolly | 13

#6509028 - Wednesday 13 January 2016 6:24

amount of damage this has caused*

Reply

RenamonFucksLuna | 21

#6509727 - Thursday 14 January 2016 0:10

Awww :(

By geekpower_fml | 28

#6507937 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

Reply

HeyPeople13 | 16

#6507945 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:26

Eye see what you did there!

Reply

Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6508117 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 3:25

Eye would say to tell your crush what her boyfriend did. That'll definitely cause some issues if you want to break them up. He seems like a bad enough guy.

Reply

4WheelBurnout | 14

#6508165 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 4:52

You might even say love struck?

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6507938 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

Reply

THE_GLOW_CLOUD | 9

#6508048 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:11

#3 True. He needs to make her realize that she deserves better than that paranoid, aggressive asshat.

Reply

thawny_fml | 21

#6508063 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:32

New plan. Charge him with assault and then when he's put away, take his girl.

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6507940 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:24

love hurts.

Reply

TheLynx_fml | 20

#6507971 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:47

Actually I think it was the punch to the face that hurt

Reply

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6508482 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 15:22

I highly doubt that.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6507941 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Worth it

By The_ghetto_mango | 25

#6507943 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Well, they might break up.......... There is hope

By brainymes | 30

#6507947 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:28

Cause that's DEFINITELY within your control, some people smh

By TripleATeam | 13

#6507952 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:30

Which means she told her boyfriend. Possible break up incoming! You've got a chance, OP!

By NORCO4LIFE | 3

#6507954 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

even if they don't break up, go for it. Be the gentleman that he obviously isn't.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#6507979 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 0:00

I think you may be a little confused as to what a gentleman is.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6507955 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

pretty sure the boyfriend doesn't have the right to punch you like that. or do anything about it at all. its a crush. nothing more.

he is supposed to trust his girlfriend to do the right thing, such as ignore it, or she breaks up, and then hooks up with her crush, in that order.