Love: Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How?... - FML

By anon - United States - Spencer

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

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Mother of the year

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Decisions, decisions

By kewlio45 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

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By poorpony

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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By Laura_2118 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

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By just outdone - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

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By amandadonnelly97 - 1/5/2020 05:00

Xbox (not in) One (piece)

Today, after weeks of saving, we finally got our Xbox One delivered. The courier guy who was bringing it up the two stories of stairs tripped on his laces, throwing the package over the side of the stairs. FML

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By TheJoker - United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

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By Keisha

Downsizing awaits

Today, I got a 25-cent raise at work. That would be wonderful, had they not cut 6 hours off my schedule as well. I'm now making $200 less a month than I was pre-raise. FML

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By

Today, I have peace of mind that I am not pregnant, thanks to my IUD. It's not because of the effectiveness of the contraceptive, but my inability to touch my boyfriend. I haven't stopped bleeding since my doctor installed it 3 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

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By AFH2O - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

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By JimmySmoothBeans - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

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By poopboy

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

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By bedrockmike - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Man child

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

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By oped01 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

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By powsser - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By anonymas - Norway

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

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By Ennui - United States

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

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By Sal - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By Crazy Mom - United States

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

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By 0867142 - Canada

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

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By cduttl1230 - United States

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

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By Allenburg - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

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By Reena - Canada

Today, I got woken up by a text from an unknown number at 3 am saying, "haha I found your number." I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. After hours of trying to fall asleep, my drowsiness was disturbed by another text from the same person saying, "Sorry, wrong number." FML

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By CarSick - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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By Jocelyn - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

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By vinniesuckmadack - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

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By imaloser - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

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By yamaha_313 - United States - Wartburg

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

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By Out from Hell - United States - Woodstock

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

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By ILuvYouSoldiers - United States

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

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By anyoi - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

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By mikuxxhatsune - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

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By jmove - United States

One Word: Diabeetus

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

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By "Lennie Mcfish"

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me. Why do you ask? She caught me masturbating even though she previously told me she won't have sex with until she's married. FML

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Top comments

By geekpower_fml | 28

#6507937 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6507938 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

COMMENTS

By RenamonFucksLuna | 21

#6507936 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Oh nooo :(

Reply

ona16 | 22

#6508239 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 6:53

Please do not tempt the Kool-Aid Man. The amount of damage has caused is astronomical. Thanks

Reply

walid820014 | 20

#6508551 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 17:22

Why so hate ?

Reply

holyshmolly | 13

#6509028 - Wednesday 13 January 2016 6:24

amount of damage this has caused*

Reply

RenamonFucksLuna | 21

#6509727 - Thursday 14 January 2016 0:10

Awww :(

By geekpower_fml | 28

#6507937 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

Keep an eye out for when they break up, I guess? If they do?

Reply

HeyPeople13 | 16

#6507945 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:26

Eye see what you did there!

Reply

Rkikkas9713 | 25

#6508117 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 3:25

Eye would say to tell your crush what her boyfriend did. That'll definitely cause some issues if you want to break them up. He seems like a bad enough guy.

Reply

4WheelBurnout | 14

#6508165 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 4:52

You might even say love struck?

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6507938 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:23

At least she likes you!! There's hope..

Reply

THE_GLOW_CLOUD | 9

#6508048 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:11

#3 True. He needs to make her realize that she deserves better than that paranoid, aggressive asshat.

Reply

thawny_fml | 21

#6508063 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 1:32

New plan. Charge him with assault and then when he's put away, take his girl.

By EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6507940 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:24

love hurts.

Reply

TheLynx_fml | 20

#6507971 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:47

Actually I think it was the punch to the face that hurt

Reply

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6508482 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 15:22

I highly doubt that.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6507941 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Worth it

By The_ghetto_mango | 25

#6507943 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:25

Well, they might break up.......... There is hope

By brainymes | 30

#6507947 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:28

Cause that's DEFINITELY within your control, some people smh

By TripleATeam | 13

#6507952 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:30

Which means she told her boyfriend. Possible break up incoming! You've got a chance, OP!

By NORCO4LIFE | 3

#6507954 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

even if they don't break up, go for it. Be the gentleman that he obviously isn't.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 39

#6507979 - Tuesday 12 January 2016 0:00

I think you may be a little confused as to what a gentleman is.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6507955 - Monday 11 January 2016 23:32

pretty sure the boyfriend doesn't have the right to punch you like that. or do anything about it at all. its a crush. nothing more.

he is supposed to trust his girlfriend to do the right thing, such as ignore it, or she breaks up, and then hooks up with her crush, in that order.