Love: Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you... - FML

By Loveless - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

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Sorry…

Late term

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

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By

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

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By hatedatwork - United States - Shreveport

Thanks mom!

Today, my CEO called and spoke to me like I'm a child. Apparently, she has a surprise for me, "but only if I clean up my office first." She hasn't been to my office in months because she works in another state. Turns out, someone texted her a picture of my messy office. FML

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By ratfaced - United States - Stamford

What a cozy moment.

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

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By yova - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Genova

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

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By jeffnn - United States - Melbourne

Today, while building a gingerbread house with my two kids, they thought it would be funny to pee on it while I wasn't looking. Nobody noticed until my wife ate one of the pee-covered gingerbread men. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

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By creepyeyes - Canada

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

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By Liz - United States

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

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By - United States

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

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By unknown - United States - Tulare

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

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By stpry of my life - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 14:03 - United States - Springfield

Facts over feelings

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

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By slashteddy - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

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By the bad artist - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

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By sadSarah - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

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By fatty - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

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By frustrated - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

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By ???? - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

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By Typicalwhitechick

Today, I finally have a day to go to the library and read for hours. Today is also a playday event for toddlers. In the library. FML

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By alexarbusto - 6/5/2020 02:00

Last splash

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

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By Lovestupid - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

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By robbed - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

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By shadowednavi - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

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By atsukobo - 2/11/2020 22:59 - United States

Cover up

Today, after a nasty fight with my military husband, which resulted in mandatory marriage counseling, he told me we needed to talk about the fight. Not talk it over and apologize; talk it over so our stories are consistent when we see the therapist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

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By uhoh - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

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By alchy - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

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By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

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By greasyhair - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

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By LaurahLunatic - United States

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

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By I hate children - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

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By minime94 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

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Top comments

By Broc | 0

#412902 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

I hope you never give him a second chance after a stunt like that.

By dusty1030 | 0

#412888 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

ooo. that sucks.... fyl

COMMENTS

By dusty1030 | 0

#412888 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

ooo. that sucks.... fyl

Reply

no1askdu | 5

#412967 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:30

sounds like you need a new boyfriend or a vibrator to calm your nerves

Reply

Lmao_xD | 0

#420611 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:33

i agree

Reply

tonythatiger | 0

#972378 - Thursday 1 April 2010 3:41

I agree with you and #101

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#1028287 - Saturday 12 June 2010 0:34

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

missmontreal97 | 4

#1224781 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 22:26

he's a jerk

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2623540 - Sunday 5 June 2011 10:54

holy shit Jason I'm screen printing this because I think you're the Jason saied I know lmfao! I'm gunna Text it to you later hahaha

By maddi27 | 0

#412889 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

awwww
thats so bad

By GlyphBud | 0

#412895 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:03

You PHAIL.

Reply

sillyking44 | 0

#412955 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:25

NO! It's Phale lol

Reply

giggtygoo49 | 0

#4126212 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 2:39

FUCK U NIGGER ASSHOLE JIGGERLO! IT WASNT HER FAULT ASS HOLE HOW WOULD U LIKE IT IF SOMEONE ASKED TO MARRY U AND DIDNT SHOW UP? THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER UR LIFE FAILS

Reply

sexaaydino | 14

#4606197 - Sunday 24 June 2012 3:00

How do they fail?

By liljon3 | 0

#412900 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Broc | 0

#412902 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

I hope you never give him a second chance after a stunt like that.

By Sipos | 0

#412904 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

That's awful! I'm sure he just had last minute nerves and didn't mean to hurt you though. I hope things work out.

By kareno1 | 0

#412915 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:09

you're better off without him. no worries.

Reply

too_much_fun | 0

#412982 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:40

you sound so sure. do you know him??

Reply

ichwillkeinengel | 0

#414585 - Monday 20 July 2009 23:41

You can tell by the fact that he's a huge enough piece of shit that he leaves his fiance at the alter.

By Mozilla_fml | 0

#412918 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:10

Im so sorry. That really must've hurt.

He probably had last minute plans or something. Maybe he was getting you some luxorious gift and was stuck in traffic? .__.

By xualsexual | 0

#412922 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:11

Ouch... fyl is an understatement

you'll be better off without him anyway

By PandaPandaPandaX | 0

#412924 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:12

Ohh dam that sucks

Reply

RhynoBruZ | 0

#2763015 - Sunday 26 June 2011 15:20

photo shop broo