Love: Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you... - FML

By Loveless - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

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BO Central

Moving on

Sounds like a catch

By neelloc83 - United States

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

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By GoodbyeNewJob

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Coshocton

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

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By quackers - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

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By HousemateHorror

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

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By weep weep weep - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

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By whatadisappointmnet - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

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By darkrebel01

Caught in the act

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

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By jonasister - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Not funny

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

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By BrownDump - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

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By jend - United States

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

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By anon - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

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By jobsearching - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

In a zoo

Today, I learned that I am referred to as the girl who has "the ass like Beyoncé, but a face like a gorilla". FML

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By mosaicevolution - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

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By Confused - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

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By #isthisthepoundkey? - United States - Deltona

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Troubling

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

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By catpeecathy - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

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By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis

Funny, thanks

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 21:30

Horn section

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

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By vron991 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

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By 14YearOld - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

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By whoops - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

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By buddy - United States

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

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By Manatee - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

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By slim_breezy - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

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By Holy Testacles - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

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By Brock - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

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By shikushiku - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

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By BlackPolarbear - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I pulled up next to a lady who was trying to text, smoke, and drive. My brother said that she was probably going to cause an accident. He was right. At the next light she hit us. She then yelled that I purposely caused the accident because, "that's how teenagers are". FML

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By robotchickens - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

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Top comments

By Broc | 0

#412902 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

I hope you never give him a second chance after a stunt like that.

By dusty1030 | 0

#412888 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

ooo. that sucks.... fyl

COMMENTS

By dusty1030 | 0

#412888 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

ooo. that sucks.... fyl

Reply

no1askdu | 5

#412967 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:30

sounds like you need a new boyfriend or a vibrator to calm your nerves

Reply

Lmao_xD | 0

#420611 - Thursday 23 July 2009 2:33

i agree

Reply

tonythatiger | 0

#972378 - Thursday 1 April 2010 3:41

I agree with you and #101

Reply

jasonsaied | 1

#1028287 - Saturday 12 June 2010 0:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

missmontreal97 | 4

#1224781 - Wednesday 11 August 2010 22:26

he's a jerk

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2623540 - Sunday 5 June 2011 10:54

holy shit Jason I'm screen printing this because I think you're the Jason saied I know lmfao! I'm gunna Text it to you later hahaha

By maddi27 | 0

#412889 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:02

awwww
thats so bad

By GlyphBud | 0

#412895 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:03

You PHAIL.

Reply

sillyking44 | 0

#412955 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:25

NO! It's Phale lol

Reply

giggtygoo49 | 0

#4126212 - Tuesday 6 March 2012 2:39

FUCK U NIGGER ASSHOLE JIGGERLO! IT WASNT HER FAULT ASS HOLE HOW WOULD U LIKE IT IF SOMEONE ASKED TO MARRY U AND DIDNT SHOW UP? THATS RIGHT MOTHER FUCKER UR LIFE FAILS

Reply

sexaaydino | 14

#4606197 - Sunday 24 June 2012 3:00

How do they fail?

By liljon3 | 0

#412900 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Broc | 0

#412902 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

I hope you never give him a second chance after a stunt like that.

By Sipos | 0

#412904 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:05

That's awful! I'm sure he just had last minute nerves and didn't mean to hurt you though. I hope things work out.

By kareno1 | 0

#412915 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:09

you're better off without him. no worries.

Reply

too_much_fun | 0

#412982 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:40

you sound so sure. do you know him??

Reply

ichwillkeinengel | 0

#414585 - Monday 20 July 2009 23:41

You can tell by the fact that he's a huge enough piece of shit that he leaves his fiance at the alter.

By Mozilla_fml | 0

#412918 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:10

Im so sorry. That really must've hurt.

He probably had last minute plans or something. Maybe he was getting you some luxorious gift and was stuck in traffic? .__.

By xualsexual | 0

#412922 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:11

Ouch... fyl is an understatement

you'll be better off without him anyway

By PandaPandaPandaX | 0

#412924 - Monday 20 July 2009 9:12

Ohh dam that sucks

Reply

RhynoBruZ | 0

#2763015 - Sunday 26 June 2011 15:20

photo shop broo