Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people...

By Zippermania9 - 11/08/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 13 627

Miscellaneous

There's no such thing as a coincidence

Cutting corners

Get on with it!

By fuck - 13/07/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 59 626

By musicteacher - 12/03/2015 10:23 - United States - Bethania

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 361

You deserved it 2 908

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 11:52 - United States - Walbridge

Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 421

You deserved it 7 623

By mosaicevolution - 03/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 184

You deserved it 16 845

By nameless - 09/11/2010 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to. A drunk man got on and for the rest of the half hour journey continuously fell on me, when I got off he smiled and told me as the doors were closing "the last twelve times was for fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 029

You deserved it 2 903

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 17:08 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 181

You deserved it 1 544

Little shit

By moneyman22 - 01/03/2010 19:09 - United States

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 395

You deserved it 3 943

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 096

You deserved it 4 739

Got away with it, surely?

By Cinnanyan - 02/06/2016 10:20 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 687

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 014

You deserved it 2 229

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:54 - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 553

You deserved it 19 201

By Brooke - 15/01/2013 05:45 - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 412

You deserved it 3 540

By awkward drunk - 29/01/2011 12:40 - Canada

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 199

You deserved it 45 655

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 25 963

By keifer13 - 03/06/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 604

You deserved it 56 135

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 749

You deserved it 6 025

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 14:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 346

You deserved it 2 165

By ohtheirony - 22/09/2014 01:27

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 2 773

By Lennie Mcfish - 28/08/2018 01:30

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 493

You deserved it 487

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 3 903

Card problem

By BureaucraticLimbo - 01/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 342

You deserved it 502

By I hate children - 18/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 121

You deserved it 5 141

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 1 141

By Anonymous - 09/08/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 345

You deserved it 54 200

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 126

You deserved it 2 682

By shrimp41 - 14/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 16 205

By SouthPaw - 14/01/2015 21:48 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 926

You deserved it 3 051

By frenchienyx - 13/05/2019 00:00

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 1 983

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 914

You deserved it 12 063

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 14:01

Today, as usual, I'm receiving constant texts and calls. I'm socially exhausted and just want to be left alone, but everyone I complain to just thinks I’m bragging about my popularity. Including my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 830

You deserved it 10 508

By Stupid - 22/12/2014 07:45 - Australia - Bellerive

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 6 786

By Anonymous - 22/05/2012 20:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 687

You deserved it 4 513

By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 953

You deserved it 4 697

By Eyebrowsgone - 25/08/2010 13:10 - United States

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 408

You deserved it 42 003

By unlucky - 06/02/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 663

You deserved it 25 693

By Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 3 339

By me - 14/06/2014 15:28 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 853

You deserved it 4 629

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 005

You deserved it 2 795

By sqquish - 01/03/2016 18:48 - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 867

You deserved it 4 597

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

mynameislexxi 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:19

bwahahaaaaa!

NEStendo 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:27

I can say from experience that this is a true story. Until they realize you were sleeping the whole time, and then give you angry looks every Sunday afterwards.

mynameislexxi 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:19

bwahahaaaaa!

beepelati 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:20

that is HILARIOUS ! seriously??

ninba20 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:22

lmao... ydi don't fall asleep next time and pay attention lol

BrutalFbomb 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:25

lmao!! that would make me piss my pants! good thing I'm Jewish so instead it would happen in a synagouge

satanic_fml 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:27

dont go to church YDI

toothache 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:27

hahaha I don't blame you for falling alseep

satanic_fml 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:28

YDI for going to church

the_sodomizer 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:38

??? when I used to go to church I fell asleep everytime and never had anything like that happen to me

susieKiute 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:39

lmao! Ive actually seen this happened to people I know!!!! hahahaha!!!!

lucious_mama 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:44

I'd have stood up and started speaking in tounges.... sheer bliss of sh* ts & giggles

DontHate31 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:51

whoa 31 u read that too? I hate that one

TheOptimist 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:05

If this started happening to me, I would pretend to be a messanger from god, and have the people of the church perform tasks that I assign to them. When they find out that I have been tricking them, I will say "Shut the fuck up and go complain about it on FML so I can type a comment that says, YDI for being stupid and gullible."

nateb1tch 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:10

psh! religion in oregon? we have the lowest "believers" per capita in the us

mells105 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:14

ohh way to burn -high fives-

mells105 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:20

I fall asleep at church all the time!! that hasn't happened before tho o.o maybe because my head always bobs back and forth like when you're asleep and I always lean on someones shoulder so I guess people know I'm sleeping lollll and Jesus FTW he's muh home boy word

JohnGraveline 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:28

Yeah Oregon!!!! Haleuelah!!

BlaqMetal13 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 13:47

That's what the back tows are for. You can sleep all you want if they cant see you

JGood09 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 13:55

omg I used to fall asleep in church all the time haha

cblakebrown 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 14:49

28 then you've never been in a Pentecostal church

PhillyFox 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 15:01

I didn't know it was possible to fall asleep at a Pentecostal church. OP, you must be able to sleep through the end of the world itself.

LolAtYourFail 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:11

ydi 110% for believing in god

marinus_fml 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:20

wise words 109.

marinus_fml 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:30

:))

alizax3 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 17:54

that's beyond halarious !!:D

twinny_sc 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:42

Hahaha I have never laughed so hard at a FML. Instant favorite :D

atomicwedgie4u 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 18:55

it's even better if you talk in your sleep.

MaxFishr 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 19:32

Isnt that what happens?

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 21:48

53: That may just mean there's a lack of moderation among the few religious groups that do exist. Low exposure can breed extremism, IME.

ann3so 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 23:15

you still have some

ann3so 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 23:22

(I was answering to 53)

SettoFail 9

Send a private message

Thursday 12 August 2010 6:32

LMFAI this just fucking made my day especially because I don't beleive in god,

ClumsyyGymnastt 0

Send a private message

Friday 13 August 2010 9:51

not an FML?

tallyhallrulz817 0

Send a private message

Saturday 14 August 2010 18:36

hahahahhahHahahHhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

gabbielove 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:19

WTF?! creepy...

Nick93 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:40

lol why the FML? that's awesome!!! :)

MnBran6 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 10:17

Yeah...people sleep when bored. So creepy

sasonzal 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 11:02

church is seriously scary as a mothfucka,you got this shit with the tunges somtimes peopole start screaming,that's why I'm always telling my mom I'm going to the bathroom and sitting outside

jknorr34 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 15:37

haha at least u have ppl praying for you...

ymmot_45 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 August 2010 6:55

I love when that happens

EROD78 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:20

lmao ydi! but that is funny!

danieltheman 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:21

lmfao very good and funny fml. original :)

kile88 2

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:21

classic :)

G33K4ever 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:24

hella funny. and if ur good you can even make it look convincing enough. lol

Russian_Roulette 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:25

haha WTF??

BallinJ 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:26

church sucks

NEStendo 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 11 August 2010 9:27

I can say from experience that this is a true story. Until they realize you were sleeping the whole time, and then give you angry looks every Sunday afterwards.