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Add a comment - Reply to : #
I agree about the lying part but not the rent. Where I come from, it isn't normal to pay rent to your parents if you don't move out. But I've learned that it's quite common in america. Anyway, he seems to have stepped up and took responsibility. He found a decent job and does well.
When you're old enough to help your parents with bills, you should if you want to continue to live with them. If you don't have a job, or if you're financially struggling/going to school, then your parents should understand. But if you make MORE money than your parent, you should at least help with groceries/utilities. It's just respectful. A parent spends 18(ish) years struggling for you so it's only right to pay them back when the time comes.
While I don't think you should have to pay your parents back for raising you those 18 years, expecting them to help out when they get a job after they are 18 is not unreasonable. The rent probably isn't as much as rent for a different place and just to help out with bills. Op probably worked his ass off trying to support the douchebag and himself, possibly other family, while the son got to keep all his money and any money op gave him to spend on anything he wanted while op had bills to pay and grocery costs.
How did he manage to pull that off for two years? Are you really that oblivious to what's going on in your son's life?
Why just because your child is 18 do they need to pay rent? Wouldn't you want your child to go through college without having to pay so they could get their education or in your case so they could save money to better their future. We never stop being parents. It is just crappy ones like you and others who feel your child must pay you back for parenting them.
#7 that's not it at all. First the FML said he was living rent-free because his son said he was in college. Second of all the rent thing is generally because at that age the child can take care of themselves and so with rent the child can get a sense of how apartments and rented property works, and so the child doesn't become a free-loading bum. Next time don't be so quick to judge, you don't get to decide how someone raises their child.
Haha, having your kids not pay for rent if they are living under your roof when they are 18 or older is idiotic. They will never learn how to use their money wisely and how to be responsible. They'll be used to having their parents paying for them when it's not supposed to be that way. And how dare you call OP bad parent? If she were to be a bad parent she wouldn't have gave a flying fuck about her son and not have him live in her house for free.
It's not common in Europe for example to pay for rent when you're 18+ and are still living with your parents. There are other ways to learn to be responsible with money. Most of us go to uni or college and have a job (and probably started young, around age 14/15. Some sooner, some later).
I had to pay rent when I got my first job, as did my siblings. I took it as a way to learn how to be good with my money and control spending plus my mum was a single parent (and was for most of my life) and it helped her out a bit more financially. I see no issue with it :)
It clearly says OP's son didn't have to pay rent as long as he went to school. Regarding the rent, if you can continue to care for your children without any financial help, that's great. But many parents struggle. My mom struggles. She's struggled as long as my brother has lived, for 30 years. So yes, now that we're all grown, we should absolutely help her if we're going to live under he roof. She deserves to relax. Some parents do it to reach responsibility, but I absolutely just see it as being a respectful child. Set rent that's hard to afford: maybe not. But you should AT LEAST help in some way.
Maybe you should read the entire post before commenting. it clearly stated that he wasn't charged rent because he thought he was in school. if he's making more money than his parent does then he should either move out or help pay for stuff around the house instead of mooching and taking advantage.
24 Most people in North America also get jobs at 14 or 15. It's common to live with parents rent free during University or college here as well. The only difference is that it's common to move away from home at 18 here, so if you haven't and you have a job, it's a good lesson to learn how to budget rent in from the get go. North America has enough space to accommodate this.
More and more college-aged kids are actually starting to live at home longer. Also, I don't agree with kids having to pay rent. I never had to and I know how to budget my money just fine, thanks. As a parent you should want your kid to save up as much as possible so when they do move on their own they have a cushion in case anything happens. It's also not the sons fault that he's being paid more than OP.
I never paid rent when I lived at home, and I turned out fine. For me learning financial responsibility didn't start when I got a job in my teens, but when I was a little kid with chores and allowance, so I don't see paying rent as the only way to teach that. I did pay for part of the phone bill because I wanted a fancy phone and I bought all my own clothes. Mostly my parents wanted me save my money for when I moved out. Paying rent is understandable in a struggling financial situation though. I was just lucky my family was never that bad off.
#7 1. OP WAS letting his son live rent-free, because he thought the son was in college. 2. If the son paid rent or board, it would be to contribute to the household expenses now, not to repay anyone for raising him. 3. We don't stop being parents, but in most cases we do stop being the parents of a dependent minor. OP's son is a working adult, not a five-year-old. There's no reason for him to mooch off his parents, even if he's still living in their house.
Wow, reading this comments has really surprised me, I assumed most people had to pay their parents rent if they had a job, student or not. I'm a university student myself and have still had to have a full time job the whole time I've been studying because my mom charged me so much rent. It wasn't for me to learn how to budget myself, it was pretty much my entire pay check a lot of the time. I'm actually jealous of all these people getting to live rent free and save money while living at home!
I think neither YDI NOR FYL applies here. It was kind of a dick move on your sons part. However if he lives in your house you should be able to figure out wether he's studying or not. And I am compleately convinced that a good communication & a good relationship could have prevented the situation. But both of these things are hard to achieve.
Give him a rental contract and tell him he can sign it or leave. It was unfair of him to do that. Also, did you not catch on that he wasn't in school when at least four sessions-worth of finals passed without him panicking?
If you learn and study throughout the course then when finals come along all you need is a quick recap. If you forget everything taught to you at the beginning of the course before the final, how will you know it to use it for your job 4-5 years from now? Pay attention in class, do the assigned homework, and if there is a textbook read each section as you go over it in class. Get your questions answered as early as possible and generally just speak to the professor when you need to. If you do these thing you should be fine for finals.
In my experience, no matter how prepared you are for finals it is still stressful. Every semester of my undergrad (save the one in England) had at least one conflict of exams that I had to work out, and some of my professors assigned homework on top of exams/papers because they were insane.
I agree with #23 not everyone panics for finals. I know that I tend to get lazier as it gets towards the end of the semester so I always make sure to do better during the first half of the semester so that I have wiggle room on grades at the end. Unless the final is worth 40% of your entire grade which most professors won't do, then they really aren't that bad.