Love: Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind...

By Jumja - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35113

You deserved it

5691

Favorite

Love

Dangling modifier

Dodged a bullet

Mr Commitment

By jessica - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36984

You deserved it

9472

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19197

You deserved it

3932

Favorite

By Sadboy - United States

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44508

You deserved it

7177

Favorite

By Sir Davos of Shit Creek - Canada - Frankford

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8959

You deserved it

11008

Favorite

By jam - Australia

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26520

You deserved it

7704

Favorite

By yeah_im_mad_bro - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30115

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30034

You deserved it

2629

Favorite

By boop snoop - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By smart phone mms - United States

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10954

You deserved it

47459

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27149

You deserved it

1866

Favorite

By Fire0fisis - Hong Kong

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24797

You deserved it

11059

Favorite

By damnit - United States

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

78952

You deserved it

5358

Favorite

By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4054

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By unboned - United States - Katy

Fetishes come in all sizes

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18384

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2761

Favorite

By Anonymous - Italy - Cervignano Del Friuli

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27884

You deserved it

2228

Favorite

By googly191 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34574

You deserved it

2463

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37194

You deserved it

10674

Favorite

By mvgirl - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38923

You deserved it

5566

Favorite

By puking now - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55774

You deserved it

5093

Favorite

By jentea - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10323

You deserved it

34764

Favorite

By child - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21339

You deserved it

1547

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27786

You deserved it

11645

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30895

You deserved it

6312

Favorite

By radiating

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34681

You deserved it

3181

Favorite

By yummy(: - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21848

You deserved it

27304

Favorite

By Kevin

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2175

You deserved it

378

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 23:01

Supportive

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1170

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Prince George

Naughty girl

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1850

You deserved it

460

Favorite

By Skimilk - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29009

You deserved it

5847

Favorite

By Anthony - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43836

You deserved it

3852

Favorite

By SqueakingRetard - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45174

You deserved it

6177

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2020 11:01

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

238

Favorite

By Oh man... - Australia - Perth

Doggy Wants A Bone

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2940

You deserved it

4871

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75819

You deserved it

3922

Favorite

By TodX - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks

19691

You deserved it

5738

Favorite

By Nancy - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45806

You deserved it

3132

Favorite

By LizLiao - United States

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70754

You deserved it

7746

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36969

You deserved it

4630

Favorite

By pandaboo - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37148

You deserved it

3766

Favorite

By tacoboy - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47070

You deserved it

6545

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mshelburn324 | 0

#776502 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:09

I don't see the problem. Whether you're fat or not, cake is AWESOME!!! You should feel special to be named after the best food of all time.

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#776501 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:09

REMEMBER, the cake is a lie.

COMMENTS

By jpgray1982 | 0

#776487 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:04

haha. cake

cucuto89 | 0

#776733 - Friday 15 January 2010 22:38

Obviously a sign you need to spend more time where you belong, at the oven cooking food

dont_stop_believ | 0

#1001777 - Saturday 22 May 2010 4:24

omgggg your bfs mom is auch a beeeotchh but seriously I agree with nimber one. all Icould think was:
haha. your a cake. lol

osirisfrost | 0

#1264145 - Wednesday 18 August 2010 19:03

... as opposed to eating it

By sara_3536 | 0

#776488 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:05

hahaha loll it sucks to be u :p

By mizzkitty | 0

#776493 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:07

By Shikamaru_fml | 11

#776495 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Poilo_fml | 0

#2274146 - Friday 1 April 2011 0:32

Win ^^^

RainbowMaster88 | 5

#4486629 - Sunday 27 May 2012 5:19

You're such a jerk. Don't be so mean. What if she has diabetes?

By GeorgeBoosh | 0

#776497 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:08

You need to cook a sickly sweet ugly dessert and name it after her.

breadfuck | 0

#2348841 - Thursday 14 April 2011 17:27

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#776501 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:09

REMEMBER, the cake is a lie.

BangOut | 2

#776619 - Friday 15 January 2010 21:19

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

By mshelburn324 | 0

#776502 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:09

I don't see the problem. Whether you're fat or not, cake is AWESOME!!! You should feel special to be named after the best food of all time.

By jts2 | 3

#776503 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:10

Mmm.. cake!~

By sweatnut | 0

#776508 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:12

so, she's thinks your fat, prove her wrong and go on a diet.

Lawlipop | 3

#777678 - Saturday 16 January 2010 10:34

Wouldn't going on a diet, therefore admitting that you yourself believe you need to lose weight, would in fact prove OP's boyfriend's mother correct?

ThatWasPathetic | 0

#777706 - Saturday 16 January 2010 11:12

Although this may be true, it's better to stop being fat, than be fat and have pride regarding such fatness.

OP is fat.

Konarika | 11

#6722236 - Tuesday 13 December 2016 15:50

And you should learn some grammar. If you don't, I don't see why OP should go on a diet, either.

By Miki_xx | 0

#776523 - Friday 15 January 2010 20:18

ouch =S