Miscellaneous: Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking...

By toad - Canada

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

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53073

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Vulture

Rock, hard place

By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1181

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29675

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2564

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By a-scared - United States

Today, I went to the Grand Canyon with my family. Also today, I found out that I have a crippling fear of heights. My family left me on a ledge hyperventilating and having a mental breakdown, while they hiked for another 2 hours. They won't stop telling me how pretty it was and what I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41500

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By Emily - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25747

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By Dmessmer1 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13026

You deserved it

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40837

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22177

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By thirdwheel - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38664

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3156

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By grandlisleguy - United States - Colchester

Pinky

Today, I was at the office making copies for a project. As I left the copy room my dress pants caught a sharp something on the door frame and ripped open my pants. All my co-workers saw my pink boxer briefs. Now I'm called "Pinky" by everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

361

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 07:59 - Australia

Bad timing, dude

Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML

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897

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113

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By jseid2 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

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63724

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By Anonymous - United States - Jasper

Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13445

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1142

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By lonelyniceguy - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32556

You deserved it

4627

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By Asteria

Today, my dryer was finally repaired after not working for over a month. I did one load of laundry and my washer stopped working. Another day, another $400+ repair bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2560

You deserved it

152

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By Sisi - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5472

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11036

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

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13650

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding photos. The photographer moved onto the "candid" shots and thought it would be cute to have pics of us making out at the reception. I have blonde hair. The girl in the picture did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55247

You deserved it

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By Bassackward

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15826

You deserved it

1264

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By graduate - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66847

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By amber - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

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39732

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

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44914

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By BARF - United States

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27470

You deserved it

130106

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By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43300

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

No end in sight

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

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745

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114

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By so sad no dad

Today, while out with my girlfriends, my overbearing boyfriend called and texted my phone over and over. Later, I told him to calm down and stop acting like my dad. He snapped back, "How am I acting like your dad when you don’t have one?" He knows my dad died when I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2508

You deserved it

254

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 17:01

Scammed

Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

419

You deserved it

762

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By birdsterrifyme - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

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32090

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By strayy - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

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27519

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12845

You deserved it

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By "nzfireman"

Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2867

You deserved it

373

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27047

You deserved it

7762

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By ArtistBlock

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9371

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By mastermind

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2262

You deserved it

669

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By ouchie - Canada

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28269

You deserved it

2670

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By HappinessOrOrgasms - United States - Tucson

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34169

You deserved it

4272

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By groom - France

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25405

You deserved it

3102

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By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17745

You deserved it

27170

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By meat is meat

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1134

You deserved it

2236

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53492

You deserved it

15143

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By mrtut - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

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Top comments

By TC_fml | 0

#1497 - Thursday 12 February 2009 6:09

Restraining order anyone? Going once... going twice...

I hope the f***er isn't the violent kind, that's mega creepy.

By taraaa_fml | 4

#1529 - Thursday 12 February 2009 9:43

i interpret this as it just being a crazy ex girlfriend trying to find him, knowing that she could
if she pretending to be his daughter who he's been looking for lol

COMMENTS

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#1490 - Thursday 12 February 2009 5:40

wtf

By TC_fml | 0

#1497 - Thursday 12 February 2009 6:09

Restraining order anyone? Going once... going twice...

I hope the f***er isn't the violent kind, that's mega creepy.

By taraaa_fml | 4

#1529 - Thursday 12 February 2009 9:43

i interpret this as it just being a crazy ex girlfriend trying to find him, knowing that she could
if she pretending to be his daughter who he's been looking for lol

migueljm5 | 18

#5670612 - Thursday 12 September 2013 21:01

Thanks for explaining. It was kinda vague

By suyci | 0

#1535 - Thursday 12 February 2009 9:51

holy shit.. sue her for stalking!
and make sure you ARE going to see your daughter soon ;)

By Lil_fml | 0

#1552 - Thursday 12 February 2009 12:20

Oh dear. Well.
She shouldn't be allowed to do that, unless she's had her daughters pesmission.
SUE, I SAY!

By Sallen | 0

#1577 - Thursday 12 February 2009 15:44

someone (or a few people) in this scenario is creepy...

By 2random | 0

#1602 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:05

thats just awfull

By sniperpie | 0

#1614 - Thursday 12 February 2009 18:54

Run. Now. Far far away.

By anony_mous_fml | 0

#4367 - Friday 20 February 2009 13:12

What kind of father are you that you didn't stay in your daughter's life after the divorce? Boo to you.

LudicMonster | 22

#4659229 - Saturday 7 July 2012 7:15

Sometimes whomever gets custody of the child doesn't allow the other to even contact them, or hides them away. If he was looking for his daughter "after years of looking for her", there's only a small chance that he was out of her life by choice.

By littlepirate_fml | 0

#9251 - Saturday 28 February 2009 14:16

Sue the bitch. Get over it. And, read #22.

This is weird...