Transportation: Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars...

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 8 995

Transportation

Best teeth in the game

Hang in there

Death wish

By Katelyn - 20/04/2012 17:58 - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 543

You deserved it 25 115

By WickedLittleDoll - 01/12/2014 16:38 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 596

You deserved it 8 839

By erika - 28/07/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 820

You deserved it 46 852

By BadLuck - 21/12/2015 11:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 881

You deserved it 2 029

By nowhereman1990 - 03/08/2010 04:23 - Venezuela

Today, I heard on a local radio a song I wrote almost 2 years ago. Apparently, after my family and I moved away, my former band found a new guitar player, and that song is now the first single of their debut LP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 100

You deserved it 4 073

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 19:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 863

You deserved it 13 937

By inconnue - 18/03/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 528

You deserved it 9 109

By JJ - 14/11/2009 03:07 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text saying: "I don't think we can see each other anymore, the nights were great, but I think I'm falling in love with Julie". I'm Julie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 425

You deserved it 2 921

By beavis - 23/05/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 593

You deserved it 87 044

Home invasion

By Brad - 05/07/2020 20:01

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 101

By well scrooge you too - 26/12/2015 04:24 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 579

You deserved it 1 809

By CorinnenotaplanB - 28/07/2018 01:30

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 263

By TwiceDaily,Kids - 06/04/2012 00:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 838

You deserved it 5 099

By sadex - 09/03/2015 07:52

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 588

You deserved it 4 024

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 53

By crybaby - 12/04/2013 05:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 982

You deserved it 79 727

By preggers - 30/11/2011 14:57 - Canada

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 485

You deserved it 3 920

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 707

You deserved it 4 013

By Lovenotes - 17/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 340

You deserved it 42 858

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 254

You deserved it 5 441

By Bill Harrison - 19/07/2011 15:19 - United States

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 368

You deserved it 6 728

Early program

By virgin - 25/11/2018 20:00

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 322

You deserved it 1 056

By HolyRavioli - 21/03/2016 17:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat at work for 8 hours daydreaming about the homemade 4 cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending 3 hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 238

You deserved it 2 744

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 627

You deserved it 5 854

By grapes - 15/11/2015 22:12 - United States - Westfield

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 237

You deserved it 1 881

Hmmm, candy

By SleepEat - 25/02/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 140

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 711

You deserved it 5 746

By goodgrief - 30/10/2013 18:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 810

You deserved it 8 745

By ProAwkward - 18/06/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 733

You deserved it 5 835

By worksucker - 05/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 506

You deserved it 7 465

By tryingatkins - 21/08/2009 09:27 - United States

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 085

You deserved it 7 305

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 34 683

Feeling faint

By jacey - 12/06/2021 02:01

Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 66

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 13/06/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 360

You deserved it 3 819

By hurtinrealbad - 16/10/2012 17:25 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 1 964

By GeeLoftus - 31/01/2016 19:32 - United States - Secaucus

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 213

You deserved it 4 765

By killercow - 19/04/2011 16:19 - United States

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 176

You deserved it 22 942

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 710

You deserved it 16 469

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Top comments

figgity83 15

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:08

sux but don't break the law

maronofhearts 19

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:57

"They did it too" isnt an excuse to break a law, if you didnt do it to begin with you wouldnt get the ticket and someone else probably would. Yeah it sucks that the other cars didnt get one (yet) you never know maybe they got theirs later. But basically you deserve it you parked there, i dont go around peeing on minors just because R. Kelly did it but maybe thats just because Im not famous enough.

figgity83 15

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:08

sux but don't break the law

jcortez1594 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:11

oooooh got me while I was typing -.-

YDI_S 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:30

YDI for finding a parking ticket on your car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, you were the only one who received a ticket. You had to pay $1000 and you got sent to jail for life complaining that 4 other cars violated the same rule, after they drove off. Have a merry time in prison!

FYOL 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 15:44

well.... was your car a prius?

nathan5 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 22:34

a crime's a crime

jazmixer 0

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Sunday 24 October 2010 6:30

yeah sucks when that happens. I just put the ticket on the car next to me and have them pay for it.

jcortez1594 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:09

Gotta love lazy cops ^^ ohey, my first "first"

DrAwesome 6

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:16

Why would you want to be first at looking like an idiot?

boyguydudemalema 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:41

actually, he's 2nd so that made more of an idiot.

sorcerersinger 0

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Monday 25 October 2010 15:07

first to fail

moomoo14 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 7:39

... or second

moogzorz 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:09

LOL FIRST. get over it. it happened. tryhards cry. cry!!!! if I'm not first then shit

Hgielad_720 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:14

Epic Fail.

JrPeru14 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:07

lmaoooo

iampunk 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:09

"If I'm not first, then shit." lmfao.

soysauce1208 18

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:13

thats creep:|

Xavi89 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:21

next time I hope he puts a boot or your wheel.

jjames7543 13

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:22

good job at those fails #2 and #3 -_-

zachhasse 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:47

you a nigger

roadkill223 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:50

Say that in public and see what happens, I'm sure that you'll regret saying it very quickly.

ERich331 3

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:01

I can just tell by your description that you're a fag.

anorexicbarbie 8

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:14

Clearly he's stupid.

iGrenade 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:41

uh roadkill, there are plenty of places in this world where not a single blackfolk could be found.

zakkyzebra 11

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:19

or a kkk meeting. well they'd be dead but...

VertigoSD 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:51

But you can find plenty in the cotton fields!

DrAwesome 6

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:55

Or in a box, with a fox. Or in a house, with a mouse.

roadkill223 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:05

iGrenade, what about the white kids who think they're black? They take offence to that also, not sure why, however.

iampunk 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:11

Tommy and Vertigo, lmao. Too true.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Friday 22 October 2010 5:41

this thread bored me.

DrAwesome 6

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Friday 22 October 2010 21:33

#54 You could try playing with real thread. It's a lot more entertaining. ;]

zachhasse 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 4:44

im joining the kkk

zachhasse 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:49

haha you guys love to argue over stupid s***

zachhasse 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 2:01

fuck you. i wanna kill him. hes my arch enemy

roadkill223 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:07

Tommy, he's being a typical 14 year old male. Discovering all of these swear words and thinking he's cool for using them.

iampunk 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:12

Arch enemy? Okay, catwoman.

darkness_fml 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:13

What kinda of kid only learns swears at 14...

MnBran6 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:24

42 that's an insult to all the 14 year olds who aren't dumb, like myself. Also, answer to life, the universe, and everything ftw.

pimplayer 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 5:49

I hope wen u go to hell the devil is black and spoons the crap out u

oboewhore_xD 6

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Friday 22 October 2010 7:33

He's not fourteen. I'm fourteen and even the dumbest people in my class still don't use the phrase "arch enemy". The whole "OMFUCKING FUCK, FUCK. SAYING THESE DAMN CUSS FUCKING WORDS IS SO FUCKING GOD DAMN FUN" thing is true though for a lot of them. -.- *inserts bullet in to brain*

nathan5 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 22:40

you are quite clearly a tosser. ' im the fastest in my school ' who says that in their profile? obviously a show off prick...listen kid youre not that good on the big scheme of things "just a drop in the ocean"