Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

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Weird kid

Everyone's an expert

Mind your own beeswax

By cjay2200 - 28/8/2011 21:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

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By rollerSWEETness - 3/6/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

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By Murphy's law - 13/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

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By Pita - 4/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

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By medosin - 21/5/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 02:00

Weirdly specific

Today, I was told by this creeper in my grade who I don't talk to ever that I have the same bra size as Megan Fox. He was right. I have no idea how he knows my bra size. FML

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By Bridget Jones? - 10/6/2013 13:09 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

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By blahhlovely_30 - 9/3/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my cat. It's deaf, so no matter what I do it can't hear me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

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By embarassed - 21/4/2011 03:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

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By Sisi - 29/8/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2015 05:03 - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2016 16:41 - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

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By jazzybell - 21/11/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

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By baddaughter - 16/11/2009 17:11 - Canada

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

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By Retailhell - 22/12/2014 06:25 - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 01:45 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

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By mareecasellafml - 27/3/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

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By Bear - 10/7/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers ask if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

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By Janer88 - 30/11/2009 05:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

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By HGTV - 1/10/2013 18:43 - United States - Boston

Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML

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By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2020 07:14

Happy quarantine!

Today, my kid shot a Nerf dart at our TV and broke the LCD screen. We have at least 11 days of coronavirus quarantine left and no TV. I don’t think we’ll make it without killing each other. FML

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By ThatSped - 18/2/2016 03:22 - Canada - Moncton

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 14:00

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2016 07:49 - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2015 04:47 - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

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By ishouldhavebeenbornrich - 14/9/2016 16:28

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

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By ohno - 13/7/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

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By dirtyclothess - 2/5/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

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Top comments

By ulicksam | 0

#1773127 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:43

YDI for being rude to the passenger next to you. How would you like it they leaned over you and yawned?

By zombunny | 2

#1773761 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:11

Who the hell drools while yawning? Get some control over your bodily functions.

COMMENTS

By ulicksam | 0

#1773127 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:43

YDI for being rude to the passenger next to you. How would you like it they leaned over you and yawned?

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1773182 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:52

you flew in eh? your arms must be really tired HIO!

Reply

Skroal_stomper | 5

#1773209 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:05

You should have given him a handy to make up for the drool.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1773246 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:14

Some guys pay extra for that.

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#1773340 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:39

An airline in ireland( ryanair) actually charge extra for usingbtoilets to masturbate!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1773439 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:04

WTF? FYI TMI!!!

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1773463 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:09

Do they also charge for admission to the mile high club?

Reply

briannak91 | 0

#1773614 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:40

maybe they were asleep?

Reply

cloudy01 | 0

#1773679 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:58

I <3 you

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1773754 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:10

Mile high club? I just found out there's a club for having sex while SCUBA diving. Even though it's dangerous, it still has a huge membership list.

Reply

IVANTTOCOME | 0

#1773990 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:56

A snorkel can be used in various ways.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1774145 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:26

I've got a huge member(ship).

By Bano360 | 25

#1773133 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:43

hair

Reply

Bano360 | 25

#1773143 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:45

stupid application. send button is next to the cancel button. haha but you should have waited

By dropdeadtrollin | 0

#1773156 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:48

stop YAWNING!!!

Reply

Cjmw | 7

#1773592 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 15:36

The Mudkip speaks wisdom.

Reply

xJASMINEx | 0

#1773686 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:02

I heard you liek mudkipzzz

Reply

dropdeadtrollin | 0

#1788596 - Friday 3 December 2010 15:49

do you like guys? :o

By sadkiddie | 0

#1773174 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:50

Today, I flew into Denver and the obnoxious woman beside me kept leaning over to look out the window. Just as I was about to complain, she yawned, drooling on me.
<- now that's who should have fml'd =P

Reply

kelserzzzz | 0

#1776655 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 2:56

agreed!

Reply

lexi365 | 20

#1776709 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 3:08

that would of been great.

By dropdeadtrollin | 0

#1773176 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:51

also window licker comes to mind.

By substitutes | 0

#1773187 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:54

You need to get control of your bosy

By stfuscrub420 | 0

#1773194 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 13:58

fmls used to make me laugh

By zodak | 0

#1773223 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:10

lol Josh mcdaniels needs a FML

Reply

marcranger | 28

#1773383 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:51

like being fired. that would be a good fml.

Reply

Hughmadd | 0

#1774975 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 22:10

^^^THIS

By fullofmetal | 7

#1773269 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:21

DIA is most definitely not exciting enough to warrant crawling over other passengers in order to look at it.

Reply

marcranger | 28

#1773390 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:53

op might have been flying in the daytime. depending on which way she's coming in, she might have gotten a nice view of the mountains. but I agree, DIA sucks.

By machiko_fml | 0

#1773271 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 14:21

More of an FML for your neighbor.

Reply

Zmeilerr | 22

#1774197 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:41

Agreed