Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise... - FML

By Muscle - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Instadrama

Where are you?

By playdated - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

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By hard work doesn't work - United States - Irving

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

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By shadowsorel - United States - Chicago

Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML

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By me - United States - Peabody

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

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By sleepytime - United States

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

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By h4rdy - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

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By loserwithlice - United States

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

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By what sex life? - United States - Nashville

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

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By Anonymous - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17-years old, and was deadly serious. FML

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By a816090

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

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By NoDocVisit - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

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By pantyripper - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

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By braceface - United Kingdom

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

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By :( - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

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By miabun - United States - Breinigsville

Cling Alert

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

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By ming

Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML

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By Mike

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

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By Wifewithquestions - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Mysterious

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

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By luciaspiano - United States

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

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By Buzz - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

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By send help

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

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By GarageSallin

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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By annoyedguy - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

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By FastFoodWaiter - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

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By ash - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

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By ImOverHere - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

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By Stickerless - United States

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42cent postage so now I have to pay $250.00 because my mother is cheap. FML

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By jordigs - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

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By Matt L - 21/8/2020 14:07 - United States - Staten Island

Bad day

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

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By Lonely School Kid - Canada

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

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By housebroken - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

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By single and not mingling - Canada

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

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By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

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Top comments

By Capybara | 0

#18906 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:16

At least you can keep the quilt. Pretty cool memento.

Make sure you think of a creative way to dump him!

By RodneySteven | 0

#18927 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:26

OUCH!!! Now THAT'S a real FML moment. Your boyfriend's a real d-bag.

COMMENTS

By Capybara | 0

#18906 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:16

At least you can keep the quilt. Pretty cool memento.

Make sure you think of a creative way to dump him!

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#875615 - Saturday 20 February 2010 16:16

Screw the roomate!

Reply

MearaRocks | 0

#976521 - Thursday 8 April 2010 17:04

win!

Reply

colormeorange | 0

#2557795 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 16:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

stabbed1ntheback | 0

#3516508 - Monday 31 October 2011 1:22

Use the cake to throw at his face or car or in his bed... And so on

By gingerspice | 0

#18911 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:20

Revenge.

By CRUX_fml | 0

#18912 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:21

Aww, what a douche.

By punkysmalls | 0

#18915 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:22

i agree with #2 get revenge and screw him!

By LifeSUCKS143 | 0

#18921 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:24

WHAT A F***ER!!! BUST HIS WINDOWS! lol

Reply

King_Nero | 15

#5970923 - Tuesday 10 June 2014 14:21

#5, she has every right to get revenge but don't do something he can get her arrested for.

By ummmyeahhh | 0

#18926 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:25

wait until after his birthday. then let all hell break loose. =]

By RodneySteven | 0

#18927 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:26

OUCH!!! Now THAT'S a real FML moment. Your boyfriend's a real d-bag.

Reply

golfman717 | 0

#4562783 - Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:49

*ex boyfriend

By frozenpandaman | 0

#18930 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:26

oh fux.

Reply

theunbeatableram | 3

#5504829 - Friday 24 May 2013 13:34

Aw 'shix' man you're right. If you're going to cuss, cuss. Don't make excuses....

By dude21665544366 | 0

#18940 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:30

you should back another cake for him (not from scratch) and put on it "we're through" or something like that and just leave it

Reply

asspole | 16

#6324179 - Thursday 18 June 2015 15:59

And put a balloon full of deadly gas inside it

By shimmyya88 | 0

#18971 - Saturday 7 March 2009 1:41

Agree with #9. Maybe put habenero peppers in the mix. Really though, that's horrible. Revenge is necessary.