Money: Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip...

By Anonymous - 09/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 326

Money

Time for the dentist

Mr. Robot

Not quite there yet

By makeitstop - 02/12/2009 07:14 - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 507

You deserved it 4 231

The art of seduction

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 19:58

Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 05:34 - Canada

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 336

You deserved it 39 235

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 134

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 499

You deserved it 28 628

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 277

By Anonymous - 29/08/2017 16:00

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 327

You deserved it 1 061

By choker - 14/03/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 696

You deserved it 8 260

By KayEffEh - 17/09/2014 21:22 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 170

You deserved it 3 434

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 21:41 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 940

You deserved it 10 219

By max - 07/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 337

You deserved it 2 923

Stealth bomb

By gassy - 03/03/2021 21:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, my boyfriend and I were setting up a desktop PC we'd bought second-hand. In the middle of this, he stopped, frowning, sniffed the air a few times and said we'd better give it a good dust, because it smelt like burning. I'd just farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 840

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 111

You deserved it 6 316

By caterinette - 27/11/2014 02:04 - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 100

You deserved it 2 235

By Where is the faith in Humanity - 07/11/2013 23:08 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 9 009

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 698

You deserved it 718

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 13:51 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my mom and I staged an intervention for my alcoholic dad. Within minutes he'd turned everything around on us, claiming we're in no position to judge him for drinking since we use "too much water" when we shower. Apparently that's on the same level as being an abusive alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 662

You deserved it 806

By LilShawty2000 - 24/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 655

You deserved it 7 866

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 234

By creeper-status - 05/05/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 082

You deserved it 957

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 514

You deserved it 52 707

By nosonofmine - 23/06/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 454

You deserved it 2 832

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 849

You deserved it 1 392

Chuds

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 13:58

Today, at my retail job, I was trying to get a large amount of cardboard to the trash and had a short path to maneuver through displays and customers. As I'm coming down the aisle, a customer sees me and stops to look at a coffee cup display, directly in my path. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 78

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 08:01

Today, I had the best date I've had in my life, until after we ate and split an expensive dinner out, we came back to my place and she then told me she was homeless, and wasn't looking to date but for a couch to crash on. She won't leave. Happy fucking New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 265

By Larentiah - 26/02/2012 22:18 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my feelings of inadequacy compared to other women and jealousy are when I started thumbing down songs on Pandora simply because the cover art had a better looking woman than me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 31 439

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 2 549

By fireman - 06/10/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 984

You deserved it 8 351

Driven

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 16:03

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 103

By herdopera - 29/10/2018 17:30

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 219

By J-Sauce - 22/02/2016 23:32 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 432

You deserved it 2 200

By screw life - 01/10/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 632

You deserved it 3 039

By anal4me - 05/04/2012 20:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 782

You deserved it 3 812

By fuckthat - 18/02/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 3 320

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 16:00 - United Kingdom - Thornbury

Today, the only "Happy birthday!" I got was from the cake I bought for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 06/10/2016 19:01 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while checking my voicemail, I noticed I had received one from a job that I've been trying to get in for months. Too bad they called two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 882

You deserved it 8 745

By ohcrap - 11/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 334

You deserved it 39 993

Winter coat

By Jules - 31/10/2021 05:00 - Germany

Today, I learned that if I order fuel oil for my house’s central heating right now, it won't be delivered before January. Yes, that’s in three months. No, I don't live in one of those countries where it’s still warm in October. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 206

By Thatgirl112 - 08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 939

You deserved it 4 873

Whoops

By 8reth72 - 11/06/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 165

You deserved it 86 957

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Top comments

sunnyray812 42

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Thursday 29 November 2018 22:31

Time to kick her out.

1ninjanina 7

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Sunday 9 December 2018 22:08

Wasn’t it part of the rental agreement?

sunnyray812 42

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Thursday 29 November 2018 22:31

Time to kick her out.

OnReceivingEnd 17

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Saturday 1 December 2018 4:25

Time to PHYSICALLY kick her out. I'd like to volunteer.

1ninjanina 7

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Sunday 9 December 2018 22:08

Wasn’t it part of the rental agreement?

cbchawks 14

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Sunday 9 December 2018 23:11

clearly not

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 9 December 2018 22:59

Watt can you do about such re-volt-ing behavior? Charge her for the power or kick her out of your ohm.

cbchawks 14

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Sunday 9 December 2018 23:11

maybe she hvac not tried hard enough

GUYMAINE 16

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Monday 10 December 2018 7:09

This is not even dad joke funny, this is just bad

Madrias 36

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Monday 10 December 2018 9:49

Just don't resort to assault and battery.

Phillycheeze 20

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Sunday 9 December 2018 23:23

Time to take all her shit to the curb, including her.

ameliakate 9

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Sunday 9 December 2018 23:27

I witness the exact same arrangement every day and the lady that is in your position is living from week to week to fully pay off their bill and is absolutely miserable. Get out of that situation. Before it costs you more than money.

onceuponatime456 16

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Sunday 9 December 2018 23:32

Why would you take a roommate without working out all the details in advance?

Deez_Knots 10

Sunday 9 December 2018 23:42

Change the locks when she’s at work and throw her shit in the driveway. Maybe she’ll get the message

Phil 14

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Monday 10 December 2018 1:10

In most states that's not legal. Once a person is in an apartment as a roommate-whether on the lease or not, you pretty much have to go through the courts to get them out. I would check it out with the landlord, and see what they can do. It might also be a good idea to hire a lawyer. It's going to take some time.