Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was...

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

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Messed up

Serious times

Social distancing

By icecreamer - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

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42944

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12680

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By None - United States

Your song

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "It's okay, I still like the song." FML

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29536

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4996

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

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31899

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7194

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By limegreenpoopie - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

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13425

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

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66151

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13124

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By Iwtumn - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

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32951

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7152

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 02:01

Rude

Today, my brother-in-law still insists on referring to me as "his brother's wife" and tells everyone I'm not his "sister-in-law." I've been married to his brother for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1374

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139

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By come on man - United States - Sunnyvale

It's the thought that counts

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

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35276

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7387

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By Embarrassed - Germany

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34114

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6258

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML

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5489

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947

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By Ihatemylife - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

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50729

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6337

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By anon

Nightmare Fuel

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4531

You deserved it

332

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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27896

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2100

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

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42975

You deserved it

2763

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By Imnotfromhere - 12/2/2021 02:01

Dyslexics untie!

Today, after finding out from my psychologist that I have a disability in reading comprehension, I tried to Google how to improve my reading skills. I couldn't understand what any of the articles were saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

878

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By Kathleen Verhaegen

Pale AF

Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1203

You deserved it

201

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39374

You deserved it

3808

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7920

You deserved it

1118

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By broke_otaku - United States

Caught

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13161

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49072

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Oops, I Did It Again

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

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1639

You deserved it

711

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11085

You deserved it

36804

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By Mee - United States

Nice timing

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32440

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13360

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By Chumpee - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15688

You deserved it

930

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By hail science

Scammer

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

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2486

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125

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By Nerrh - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17192

You deserved it

33516

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By Not-so-good-gymnast - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11715

You deserved it

79890

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By Killme

Today, as a birthday present, my friends threw a surprise party for me. I was so surprised, I pissed myself in front of everyone, including my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13029

You deserved it

2074

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By clumsy

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35163

You deserved it

4685

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By poupi - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25427

You deserved it

6910

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By stutterernotschizophrenic

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26698

You deserved it

2967

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By LawSchoolBoi

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2084

You deserved it

177

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By Tweenmom

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4651

You deserved it

528

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33169

You deserved it

6352

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17153

You deserved it

38610

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By Unsatisfied - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29917

You deserved it

4642

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By K.. - 28/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Put your foot down

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

129

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By why - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43387

You deserved it

37646

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21538

You deserved it

83223

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By Anonymous

Stolen valor

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

105

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By CircleBruise - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27338

You deserved it

5858

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7392711 - Friday 20 January 2017 9:38

It's ok. Most guys are pretty cool watching girls kissing boxes. ;)

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#7392712 - Friday 20 January 2017 9:48

That is definitely a new level of excitement!!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7392711 - Friday 20 January 2017 9:38

It's ok. Most guys are pretty cool watching girls kissing boxes. ;)

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#7392712 - Friday 20 January 2017 9:48

That is definitely a new level of excitement!!

By jcash52426 | 5

#7392784 - Friday 20 January 2017 12:13

Why didn't you kiss the computer. Also isn't that box covered in germs.

species4872 | 19

#7393858 - Saturday 21 January 2017 19:26

Who cares, it was NEW.

By undebatable52419 | 5

#7392850 - Friday 20 January 2017 14:21

we've all been there

By TMO2142 | 25

#7392940 - Friday 20 January 2017 17:32

Getting a new pc is one of the best things in the world

By species4872 | 19

#7392978 - Friday 20 January 2017 18:36

Just think how excited your cat will be... a new box.

By shitstorm28 | 11

#7393204 - Friday 20 January 2017 21:17

might as well take it a step further. make eye contact, lick the box, and wink at him.

By trucker2 | 33

#7393373 - Saturday 21 January 2017 2:54

Hey probably thought your new sex toy arrived....giggles

By brenton490 | 19

#7393395 - Saturday 21 January 2017 5:10

It's okay I kissed all the boxes my computer parts came in as well!

By iswearimhuman | 12

#7393653 - Saturday 21 January 2017 13:52

"We all have hobbies."