Work: Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call...

By mischalucksux - 19/09/2016 13:54 - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 756

You deserved it 1 052

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The bitch is back

Panic

By rusrs - 30/03/2012 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 353

You deserved it 2 215

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 15:01 - United States - Fargo

Today, I woke up from a dead sleep needing to fart. The second I tried to push it out, I realized it wasn't wasn't fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 412

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 183

You deserved it 338

By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 970

You deserved it 12 670

By Marou - 25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282

You deserved it 11 043

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 43 522

Lock in

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 14:00

Today, my boss told me I could do my university work as long as I served customers when they came in. No customers came in all day, then I realised I’d been so focused on my laptop, I'd never noticed I’d left the bolt on the door, so customers couldn’t get in. My boss sacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 1 799

By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 210

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 449

You deserved it 4 555

By Lana - 20/07/2010 12:43 - Austria

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 839

You deserved it 43 505

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 337

You deserved it 43 552

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 200

You deserved it 30 708

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 960

You deserved it 66 990

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 403

You deserved it 3 581

By Christmasloverandstuff - 25/12/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 874

You deserved it 42 393

Stink pits in the heat

By rie - 22/08/2021 16:01

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 97

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 662

You deserved it 3 589

By idontbleedfromthere - 22/08/2012 23:10 - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 913

You deserved it 2 168

By HSampsON - 13/10/2013 21:20 - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 019

You deserved it 13 750

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 382

You deserved it 5 464

By greeenbean - 02/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 346

You deserved it 3 752

By novdestiny - 30/06/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that, because my boyfriend has locked himself out of his car so many times, he now keeps a coat hanger to break in. He keeps it IN the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 242

You deserved it 358

By Anonymous - 27/09/2013 20:33 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. She responded by breaking into my place and stabbing my hamster with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 868

You deserved it 4 545

By Less - 07/03/2011 19:39 - Reserved

Today, I decided to improve my posture by sitting through all of my classes with my shoulders and back completely straight. Pretty soon I couldn't move my shoulders at all. I had to go to the chiropractor. It turns out that in trying to improve my posture, I misaligned my spine instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 302

You deserved it 6 662

By annonymous - 06/04/2009 08:35 - China

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 434

You deserved it 9 822

By notgettingany - 24/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 673

You deserved it 4 998

By Spooderman - 04/02/2016 02:04 - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 761

You deserved it 2 453

By DMitch - 15/05/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 792

You deserved it 14 418

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 751

You deserved it 13 846

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 839

You deserved it 59 429

By Zoey - 09/02/2012 15:17 - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 771

You deserved it 6 167

By Anonymous - 28/06/2019 16:03

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 492

By BiteMe14 - 07/01/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 761

You deserved it 7 366

By mishie1 - 21/02/2012 12:44 - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 653

You deserved it 2 916

By Amelia - 23/06/2019 00:16

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 213

Erection for Protection

By zingle af - 26/07/2017 20:00

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock solid erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 510

You deserved it 598

By wronged - 08/07/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 429

You deserved it 7 854

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 391

You deserved it 4 220

By Trash - 21/01/2009 14:23 - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 381

You deserved it 28 179

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Top comments

Tripartita 44

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:11

"Store Closing. Can no longer afford lawsuits caused by one overly-affectionate worker going around, hugging customers, and calling them family."

TheHeirofTime 19

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:00

Murphy's law in affect! I'm so sorry op, that sucks.

Trent2531 4

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Monday 19 September 2016 18:58

That's why everyone is in a good mood because they all know it's about to end!

TheHeirofTime 19

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:00

Murphy's law in affect! I'm so sorry op, that sucks.

Alansmellz 6

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:01

:/ that really sucks

_Adog2645 24

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Tuesday 20 September 2016 12:51

There's a button for that

Marielle123 22

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:06

It was too good to be true

Draysor 6

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Monday 19 September 2016 21:57

life always is

Tripartita 44

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:11

"Store Closing. Can no longer afford lawsuits caused by one overly-affectionate worker going around, hugging customers, and calling them family."

_Adog2645 24

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Monday 19 September 2016 22:00

yep

Tripartita 44

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Monday 19 September 2016 22:49

Haha, I never thought about it like that, #19. It really makes you think…

mischalucksux 17

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Tuesday 20 September 2016 4:22

Do I know you?? Because you obviously know me. Lmao

thatnucca 36

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:12

One door closes, another one opens... Plus at least you know it's coming... Keep your chin up OP...

MrLonelyHertz 23

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:20

You're not working at Hastings by chance, are you?

renouttaluck 20

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:57

That was going to be my question XD

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:49

I like how you say you "finally" have a job after 8 months of having said job.

icefishbaby 14

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Monday 19 September 2016 19:55

I assume OP spent a long time searching for a job, or perhaps she had spent years working in a job she didn't like. Eight months isn't that long when you consider that most people spend roughly 50 years working.