Miscellaneous: Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on... - FML

03/04/2015 10:44 - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 668

You deserved it 3 909

Another great day to be alive

Good kid

Batman

22/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 950

You deserved it 3 278

02/02/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 995

You deserved it 38 458

11/03/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 388

You deserved it 4 179

Dancing Queen

By now what? - 09/05/2021 23:59

Today, after my dad told me to sign my daughter up for expensive dance lessons as a birthday present, and she was ecstatic and very dedicated, I asked him for the payment for this month. He replied, "Oh, she wanted more than one lesson?" Now she won’t stop crying and I have no way to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 94

01/06/2009 19:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 546

You deserved it 4 074

07/08/2018 23:30

Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 172

Pumped-up Tanks

By DogStew - 15/09/2019 20:00

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 1 783

20/09/2009 14:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 184

You deserved it 4 418

25/04/2009 00:13 - Israel

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 996

You deserved it 48 598

22/01/2015 22:36 - United States - Milford

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 823

You deserved it 5 091

08/10/2015 16:04 - United States - Spring

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 757

You deserved it 18 842

14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 102

You deserved it 3 630

Abusive

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 05:00

Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 73

09/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 19 127

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 610

You deserved it 82 866

09/05/2009 14:45 - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 870

You deserved it 7 508

19/02/2011 13:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 946

You deserved it 7 355

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 79

11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 244

You deserved it 29 783

09/02/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 180

You deserved it 6 498

Turbulence

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 21:30

Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 84

29/05/2019 18:00

Today, I put all my clothes into two piles. One pile had clothes I usually wear, the other clothes I wanted to donate. When I was done, I put the piles into two jumbo trash bags. I came back a bit later and they both were gone. My mom donated both bags. I have no clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 989

15/06/2017 20:00

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 166

You deserved it 370

15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 4 126

The mainframe had been haxored

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 89

31/03/2014 17:15 - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 439

You deserved it 3 055

01/09/2010 13:50 - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 266

You deserved it 4 174

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 502

You deserved it 4 126

05/09/2013 07:24 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 386

You deserved it 3 543

02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 917

You deserved it 16 878

08/04/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 783

You deserved it 2 722

08/04/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Spicy

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 368

You deserved it 5 459

28/10/2010 04:44 - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 201

You deserved it 3 468

25/10/2011 15:00 - Australia

Today, while taking pills for a headache, I threw my head back to help get the pills down, and in the process, whacked it against the brick windowsill behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 862

You deserved it 15 577

05/12/2016 05:14 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, one of my co-workers threw a piece of garbage at the waste bin beside me. When it missed, he said, "Aw, I missed the garbage... and the bin beside it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 863

You deserved it 858

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 105

24/03/2011 19:07 - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 319

You deserved it 4 684

19/11/2010 05:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 907

You deserved it 33 259

06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 1 345

18/05/2019 16:09

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 2 463

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Top comments

Scryll 17

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:38

They made a clean getaway then?

uglyheadedbitch 20

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:39

Damn, if the thief had to steal wet, used clothes, he must've really been desperate. Fyl OP

Comments

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:38

That's really blows

Scryll 17

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:38

They made a clean getaway then?

DyslexicKoala 13

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:43

This guy gets it lol

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Friday 3 April 2015 18:50

Brillant! I must say

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Friday 3 April 2015 20:18

Somewhere in Australia there's a very well-dressed crocodile. Or snake. Or spider.

uglyheadedbitch 20

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:39

Damn, if the thief had to steal wet, used clothes, he must've really been desperate. Fyl OP

gabechriswill 19

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Friday 3 April 2015 19:04

Hate to say it, but this world is really going downhill. I remember being young (under 10) at my grandma's house and she always hung the wet clothes on the line. Never got stolen, and we didn't live in the best neighborhood. But also back then people really got to know their neighbors and care for each other.

happysmile987 24

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:39

S

Rainbow2Cloud 12

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Friday 3 April 2015 17:36

T

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Friday 3 April 2015 17:48

F

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Friday 3 April 2015 18:50

C

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Friday 3 April 2015 19:22

K

cookiemonster116 15

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Friday 3 April 2015 19:45

U

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Friday 3 April 2015 19:47

P

originaljosh 11

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Friday 3 April 2015 19:48

N

KingBobtheThird 16

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Friday 3 April 2015 22:38

O

Adeptus_Astartes 22

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Friday 3 April 2015 23:18

I... I don't underatand. Why were they upvoted and I was downvoted? :(

happysmile987 24

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Friday 3 April 2015 23:44

Ugh stupid comment glitch ?

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Friday 3 April 2015 23:57

I believe, #58, it was because it was best to stop at STFU, and then it was took a tad too far.

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:40

Man, that thief really left you out to dry

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:40

Damn, well I hope none of the clothes fit them. I'm sorry op on the bright side you can look forward to new clothes :).

cfojo 19

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Friday 3 April 2015 17:33

There's really no bright side to this.. OP has to spend more money on clothes.

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Friday 3 April 2015 23:59

I have no idea about this, so a genuine question:- Wouldn't a situation like this be covered by home insurance?

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:42

That honestly sucks, I hope you catch that dirty theif!

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:51

That clean thief!

ethanbrinkman 11

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:43

I don't know what's worse, the stolen clothes or the amount of bad wind puns in the comments.

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:44

It's better than everything wanting to kill you. Ahhhh, Australia.

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 3 April 2015 16:56

"Damn it, Jimmy! When we said we wanted to get the blues we meant our rival gang, not the blue jeans!"

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 27

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 454