Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly...

By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Billy no-mates

Doomed

By Anonymous - 26/2/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

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21057

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

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54933

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2015 02:48 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

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34134

You deserved it

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By Username - 2/8/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

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26908

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

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48366

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By "jesstracy" - 4/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

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2701

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By Demotivation - 23/8/2013 14:12 - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44863

You deserved it

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By markymark - 17/5/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20111

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 14:01

Put the booze down

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

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514

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1880

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By Mmorgan771 - 4/8/2015 17:02 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

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26326

You deserved it

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By blkchkrm - 25/12/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31808

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

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By anonymous - 6/11/2010 22:37 - Canada

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend in the dark, he grabbed onto a fat roll and asked, "Is this your stomach or boob?" I didn't have the heart to tell him it was a back roll. FML

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By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

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19353

You deserved it

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By poorchild - 23/11/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

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34015

You deserved it

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By Ryan - 11/6/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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You deserved it

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By Joel_28 - 1/3/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17407

You deserved it

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By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2244

You deserved it

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By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33741

You deserved it

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By shifala - 22/1/2015 09:02 - Philippines - Caloocan

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35927

You deserved it

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By pinecones - 2/2/2015 14:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36511

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45555

You deserved it

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By Alec - 15/6/2011 09:02 - United States

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17967

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

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55870

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 16:27 - United States - Akron

Today, I woke up and screamed: My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2013 20:56 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

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40850

You deserved it

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By No name - 18/12/2008 04:43 - Australia

Today, on a thirty minute commute to a job interview, I felt the urge to pee. When I got there, I politely asked the receptionist where the toilets were, and she told me to wait for someone to come show me. After another thirty minutes, someone turned up; the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22216

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45095

You deserved it

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By anonymous - 17/7/2014 02:46 - United States - Romulus

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

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43871

You deserved it

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By - 30/12/2009 04:34 - France

Today, I just realised that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

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13387

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By Sarah91 - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

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You deserved it

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By Falling off the wagon - 9/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49341

You deserved it

3545

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By visn - 17/6/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45812

You deserved it

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By Sfg_926 - 26/6/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14293

You deserved it

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By darthmilfious - 31/3/2010 07:56 - France

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13608

You deserved it

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By tvaladie - 17/4/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43052

You deserved it

349275

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 15:09 - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

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25844

You deserved it

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By Beeisc00l - 5/10/2011 18:58 - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

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30516

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2018 17:30

Today, I was stopped in traffic when a woman rear-ended me, backed up, and sped off along the shoulder, taking my passenger side mirror with her. FML

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2890

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

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Top comments

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

COMMENTS

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

Isabel312 | 0

#2376669 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:33

awesome.

chuchurocket | 4

#2377324 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:36

"Veronica, I have herpes" would've sounded better

Monstee | 2

#2377652 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 13:07

LOL it says anonymous but her name is in it :DDd

JojoChuo | 8

#2377885 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:14

Lol faved!!

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2378159 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:40

that's ironic because it's 420 today. lol

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378823 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:42

Oh lol, that is going make it hard to explain it to her.

adhdkid411 | 0

#2379735 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:19

you know that kinda works cuz it's 4/20 ;)

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2381782 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:01

^bitch iz stealinst my comments

chickunkey | 0

#2381877 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:28

bitch, GTFO

By robbiboyo | 0

#2376554 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:19

I'd have gone with it.

Daerauko | 0

#2376577 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

yeah, that is totally recoverable.

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:49

I doubt, however, that he appreciated being called Veronica.

andres19 | 0

#2379483 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 20:05

dont forget that since it is 4/20 it's completely understandable

shulgafish | 0

#2381057 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

what'd be the odds of his name being Veronica, and also being high? then op would be winning.

LoveTheObsession | 5

#2381811 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:07

Wait, I don't get what's so special about 4/20?

By smhansen92 | 0

#2376586 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

I don't see a problem with that. leave it to a pot head to flip a sentence and then make it about weed haha

Takador | 3

#2379839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 22:03

i fell off my chair when i read this FML.

XZeenon | 1

#2380141 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:07

Woo 420!!

By BrotherThomas | 0

#2376588 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

i feel like for a lot of guys, this would help your chances

LifeSucksbtw | 0

#2376891 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:10

defiantly agreed LOL

xXxJaGsTeRxXx | 11

#2377376 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:50

You feel like that for a lot of guys Brother?

commodore350 | 0

#2379265 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:11

my thoughts exactly

By LunaNstars | 0

#2376610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

at least you had the balls to approach him. be happy!

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

newzealandkiwi | 0

#2376882 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:09

I like wot u said about yourself straight to the point haha.:)

ovechkinisbeast | 9

#2376899 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:11

it's actually 3:11 :)

eddieyes | 0

#2377147 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:15

it's 4/20!!!! damn you!

FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2377173 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:29

damn, I was going to stay that :(

brianjman14 | 22

#2377335 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:38

26, she meant the date is April 20th, 4/20.

monkeysinatree | 6

#2378513 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:44

whats the date got to do with anything? oO
and isn't it 20/4? lol

tessie98love | 0

#2378610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:04

wwoooo!(;

SiobahnR | 0

#2378931 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:05

lol 26. at least someone got the joke

womanjesus | 0

#2379719 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:15

hahaha 89 doesnt know what it means. fuckin noob.

AwHellNahBruv | 0

#2380112 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:02

120 can't spot sarcasm. fuckin noob.

OMG_N3RD | 0

#2381052 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

I was gonna say that!!

smhansen92 | 0

#2381366 - Thursday 21 April 2011 3:57

idiot

Smittyb24 | 4

#2381402 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:08

true that

By elmski87 | 0

#2376654 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:32

this didn't really happen though did it..........

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#2376704 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:37

Who knows? You two might have something in common ;)

dub2 | 0

#2377344 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:40

ay bay bay got a bf?

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2377829 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:04

You're a loser.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2377971 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:37

cptmorgan, I've grown to like you. You are always there to cockblock.

BayBeezy | 0

#2378925 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:04

Ay bay bay.......really??

kids.....................

By Eteeeeezy | 0

#2376734 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:39

I think it's funny she put her name in the FML but then her username is anonymous :)

Sashur | 0

#2378213 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:52

it's not her name, it's somebody else's

By hypuuurness | 6

#2376747 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:40

good one haha