Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly...

By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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37095

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Miscellaneous

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Great boyfriend

The student becomes the master

By nutrigrain123 - 23/5/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

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45457

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

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29204

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By niquey62307 - 8/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

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24152

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2020 19:00

I don't care

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

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610

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By thegrandchawhee - 29/8/2015 17:13 - United States - Yakima

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19931

You deserved it

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By CaityLovesBo - 5/2/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

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29514

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By stupid - 7/7/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19635

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2011 14:26 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 05:16

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

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By imaloser - 6/7/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2015 23:32 - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29005

You deserved it

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By Angelofkarma - 25/5/2009 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

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313687

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 03:38 - Canada

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

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By nerderer - 15/3/2015 14:57 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

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31765

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By Noname - 14/3/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

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By ADickySituation - 5/5/2013 04:14 - United States - Wilmette

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

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You deserved it

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By screwed - 18/6/2011 08:51 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

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45481

You deserved it

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By West - 16/4/2019 00:00

Today, I was promised that I wouldn't have to work late because I had tomorrow off for my birthday. My coworkers decided that none of them want to work late, and that I could do it. So I am stuck working late and have to come in on my birthday, which I had requested off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2091

You deserved it

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By AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone - 13/12/2012 14:35 - Australia - Newport

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33100

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By StupidCar - 7/2/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

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33924

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By rejected - 29/1/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21527

You deserved it

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By poop towel - 15/9/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37462

You deserved it

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By me - 2/1/2016 08:25 - United States - Opelousas

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22247

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By yegworstdrivers - 20/12/2018 10:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML

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2570

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By Matei - 12/3/2015 00:36 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, after 4 years of nicely asking, I wrote an official memo to our logistics department, asking for new chairs for my subordinates. The logistics people came and concluded that there are more broken chairs than good ones, but suggested that perhaps we should all go on a diet. FML

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28807

You deserved it

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By leapple - 14/3/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

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By disturbedgd - 3/4/2017 20:00 - South Africa - Durban

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It contained the Power Rangers. FML

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4996

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29598

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By mimi - 27/9/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

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14631

You deserved it

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By Noname - 19/2/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

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18019

You deserved it

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By bluskyz1979 - 17/5/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12498

You deserved it

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By stressedandcrowded - 5/2/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

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35918

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

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75603

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By barebackingit - 4/11/2013 19:17 - Canada - Kanata

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50614

You deserved it

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By marray - 23/7/2018 12:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3815

You deserved it

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By janesays - 24/2/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

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9569

You deserved it

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By Marika - 20/7/2015 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

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By god - 29/4/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

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Top comments

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

Comments

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

Isabel312 | 0

#2376669 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:33

awesome.

chuchurocket | 4

#2377324 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:36

"Veronica, I have herpes" would've sounded better

Monstee | 2

#2377652 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 13:07

LOL it says anonymous but her name is in it :DDd

JojoChuo | 8

#2377885 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:14

Lol faved!!

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2378159 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:40

that's ironic because it's 420 today. lol

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378823 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:42

Oh lol, that is going make it hard to explain it to her.

adhdkid411 | 0

#2379735 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:19

you know that kinda works cuz it's 4/20 ;)

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2381782 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:01

^bitch iz stealinst my comments

chickunkey | 0

#2381877 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:28

bitch, GTFO

By robbiboyo | 0

#2376554 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:19

I'd have gone with it.

Daerauko | 0

#2376577 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

yeah, that is totally recoverable.

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:49

I doubt, however, that he appreciated being called Veronica.

andres19 | 0

#2379483 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 20:05

dont forget that since it is 4/20 it's completely understandable

shulgafish | 0

#2381057 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

what'd be the odds of his name being Veronica, and also being high? then op would be winning.

LoveTheObsession | 5

#2381811 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:07

Wait, I don't get what's so special about 4/20?

By smhansen92 | 0

#2376586 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

I don't see a problem with that. leave it to a pot head to flip a sentence and then make it about weed haha

Takador | 3

#2379839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 22:03

i fell off my chair when i read this FML.

XZeenon | 1

#2380141 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:07

Woo 420!!

By BrotherThomas | 0

#2376588 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

i feel like for a lot of guys, this would help your chances

LifeSucksbtw | 0

#2376891 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:10

defiantly agreed LOL

xXxJaGsTeRxXx | 11

#2377376 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:50

You feel like that for a lot of guys Brother?

commodore350 | 0

#2379265 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:11

my thoughts exactly

By LunaNstars | 0

#2376610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

at least you had the balls to approach him. be happy!

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

newzealandkiwi | 0

#2376882 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:09

I like wot u said about yourself straight to the point haha.:)

ovechkinisbeast | 9

#2376899 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:11

it's actually 3:11 :)

eddieyes | 0

#2377147 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:15

it's 4/20!!!! damn you!

FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2377173 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:29

damn, I was going to stay that :(

brianjman14 | 22

#2377335 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:38

26, she meant the date is April 20th, 4/20.

monkeysinatree | 6

#2378513 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:44

whats the date got to do with anything? oO
and isn't it 20/4? lol

tessie98love | 0

#2378610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:04

wwoooo!(;

SiobahnR | 0

#2378931 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:05

lol 26. at least someone got the joke

womanjesus | 0

#2379719 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:15

hahaha 89 doesnt know what it means. fuckin noob.

AwHellNahBruv | 0

#2380112 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:02

120 can't spot sarcasm. fuckin noob.

OMG_N3RD | 0

#2381052 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

I was gonna say that!!

smhansen92 | 0

#2381366 - Thursday 21 April 2011 3:57

idiot

Smittyb24 | 4

#2381402 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:08

true that

By elmski87 | 0

#2376654 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:32

this didn't really happen though did it..........

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#2376704 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:37

Who knows? You two might have something in common ;)

dub2 | 0

#2377344 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:40

ay bay bay got a bf?

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2377829 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:04

You're a loser.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2377971 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:37

cptmorgan, I've grown to like you. You are always there to cockblock.

BayBeezy | 0

#2378925 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:04

Ay bay bay.......really??

kids.....................

By Eteeeeezy | 0

#2376734 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:39

I think it's funny she put her name in the FML but then her username is anonymous :)

Sashur | 0

#2378213 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:52

it's not her name, it's somebody else's

By hypuuurness | 6

#2376747 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:40

good one haha