Miscellaneous: Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37115

You deserved it

8413

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Double standards

Projection

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32919

You deserved it

3040

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By downinthedumps - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28870

You deserved it

3305

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By anon - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28535

You deserved it

1810

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28761

You deserved it

11675

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By collegestudent

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

190

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By brando2k5 - United States

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39812

You deserved it

5732

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32909

You deserved it

2858

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By targetlove - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31200

You deserved it

3384

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By TheDarth - United States - Bedford

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23774

You deserved it

5583

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By brownunderwear - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27687

You deserved it

7849

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By noway6000 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9546

You deserved it

94540

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By ethawesome1125 - United States - Round Rock

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38368

You deserved it

7460

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By ToInsecure4me - United States

Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35914

You deserved it

6409

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45567

You deserved it

4017

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By Ally

shrinks into corner

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

You deserved it

620

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By kacysospacyy - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34975

You deserved it

4808

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By randa

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10204

You deserved it

56799

Favorite

By alex - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40684

You deserved it

10037

Favorite

By can you read? - United States

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25913

You deserved it

1655

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By Seriously - United States

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29695

You deserved it

8159

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By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5039

You deserved it

576

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By NoDocVisit - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20938

You deserved it

1106

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By h4rdy - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12160

You deserved it

36981

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By TMI - United States

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

113137

You deserved it

7031

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By Anonymous

Kids, eh?

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1462

You deserved it

142

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By sickandtiredofit - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41150

You deserved it

3089

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By Bucko321 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36614

You deserved it

78070

Favorite

By Not turnt - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27521

You deserved it

2569

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By toryzhere - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22380

You deserved it

3955

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By scarlet5000 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6203

You deserved it

75326

Favorite

By UGH - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18107

You deserved it

80456

Favorite

By snakeboy - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16442

You deserved it

47684

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By happybirthday - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34000

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By nopethanks - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32810

You deserved it

2755

Favorite

By SF49 - United States

Dingdong

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44752

You deserved it

3735

Favorite

By Medic - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23514

You deserved it

4312

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18074

You deserved it

30736

Favorite

By NotGay - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29055

You deserved it

7576

Favorite

By iris - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14175

You deserved it

35998

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19305

You deserved it

22597

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Top comments

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

COMMENTS

By mikejunior88 | 4

#2376546 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:17

lmao, nice

Isabel312 | 0

#2376669 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:33

awesome.

chuchurocket | 4

#2377324 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:36

"Veronica, I have herpes" would've sounded better

Monstee | 2

#2377652 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 13:07

LOL it says anonymous but her name is in it :DDd

JojoChuo | 8

#2377885 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:14

Lol faved!!

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2378159 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:40

that's ironic because it's 420 today. lol

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378823 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:42

Oh lol, that is going make it hard to explain it to her.

adhdkid411 | 0

#2379735 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:19

you know that kinda works cuz it's 4/20 ;)

poiuytjfffc | 0

#2381782 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:01

^bitch iz stealinst my comments

chickunkey | 0

#2381877 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:28

bitch, GTFO

By robbiboyo | 0

#2376554 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:19

I'd have gone with it.

Daerauko | 0

#2376577 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

yeah, that is totally recoverable.

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2378839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:49

I doubt, however, that he appreciated being called Veronica.

andres19 | 0

#2379483 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 20:05

dont forget that since it is 4/20 it's completely understandable

shulgafish | 0

#2381057 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

what'd be the odds of his name being Veronica, and also being high? then op would be winning.

LoveTheObsession | 5

#2381811 - Thursday 21 April 2011 6:07

Wait, I don't get what's so special about 4/20?

By smhansen92 | 0

#2376586 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

I don't see a problem with that. leave it to a pot head to flip a sentence and then make it about weed haha

Takador | 3

#2379839 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 22:03

i fell off my chair when i read this FML.

XZeenon | 1

#2380141 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:07

Woo 420!!

By BrotherThomas | 0

#2376588 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:21

i feel like for a lot of guys, this would help your chances

LifeSucksbtw | 0

#2376891 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:10

defiantly agreed LOL

xXxJaGsTeRxXx | 11

#2377376 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:50

You feel like that for a lot of guys Brother?

commodore350 | 0

#2379265 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 19:11

my thoughts exactly

By LunaNstars | 0

#2376610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

at least you had the balls to approach him. be happy!

By kawaiixalice | 15

#2376612 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:25

Well it is 4:20..

newzealandkiwi | 0

#2376882 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:09

I like wot u said about yourself straight to the point haha.:)

ovechkinisbeast | 9

#2376899 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 9:11

it's actually 3:11 :)

eddieyes | 0

#2377147 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:15

it's 4/20!!!! damn you!

FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2377173 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 10:29

damn, I was going to stay that :(

brianjman14 | 22

#2377335 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:38

26, she meant the date is April 20th, 4/20.

monkeysinatree | 6

#2378513 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 16:44

whats the date got to do with anything? oO
and isn't it 20/4? lol

tessie98love | 0

#2378610 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 17:04

wwoooo!(;

SiobahnR | 0

#2378931 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:05

lol 26. at least someone got the joke

womanjesus | 0

#2379719 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 21:15

hahaha 89 doesnt know what it means. fuckin noob.

AwHellNahBruv | 0

#2380112 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 23:02

120 can't spot sarcasm. fuckin noob.

OMG_N3RD | 0

#2381052 - Thursday 21 April 2011 2:37

I was gonna say that!!

smhansen92 | 0

#2381366 - Thursday 21 April 2011 3:57

idiot

Smittyb24 | 4

#2381402 - Thursday 21 April 2011 4:08

true that

By elmski87 | 0

#2376654 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:32

this didn't really happen though did it..........

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#2376704 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:37

Who knows? You two might have something in common ;)

dub2 | 0

#2377344 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 11:40

ay bay bay got a bf?

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2377829 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:04

You're a loser.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2377971 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 14:37

cptmorgan, I've grown to like you. You are always there to cockblock.

BayBeezy | 0

#2378925 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:04

Ay bay bay.......really??

kids.....................

By Eteeeeezy | 0

#2376734 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:39

I think it's funny she put her name in the FML but then her username is anonymous :)

Sashur | 0

#2378213 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 15:52

it's not her name, it's somebody else's

By hypuuurness | 6

#2376747 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 8:40

good one haha

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

*shrinks into corner*

Kids, eh?

Dingdong

shrinks into corner