Miscellaneous: Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday...

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 236

You deserved it 4 686

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Same thing different taste

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 3 297

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 028

You deserved it 2 643

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 287

You deserved it 3 663

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 184

By tiredmom - 07/07/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 1 596

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 4 787

My little friends

By Annonymous - 18/10/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 452

You deserved it 1 953

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 297

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 279

You deserved it 4 595

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 4 377

designedlikedice 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:00

At least you weren't awake while the roach was crawling down your throat.

Sonalis 9

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:58

Ewwwwwwwww is all I can say. That must suck.

Comments

delighted_fml 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:57

First! And... oh god.

lost4nao 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:57

rofl, dam thats hilarious...but dont worry, itll be gone in a day or two ;)

Sonalis 9

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:58

Ewwwwwwwww is all I can say. That must suck.

roll_fukng_tide 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 1:58

... nasty. nasty. nastyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. im not hungry anymore....****

designedlikedice 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:00

At least you weren't awake while the roach was crawling down your throat.

girl112891 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 8:13

I twitched after reading that!

momo3p 22

Tuesday 22 March 2016 19:56

Same ech

moosey1234 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:01

lol good protein!!!! tht is one gr88 thing to wake up too. .. .

jimmyweee 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:03

ahahah He's trying to find the rest of his roach buddies!!

Jaywin 3

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:03

Hahaha there's a Papa Roach ad to the right of this site as I type this.

blkwhtrbbt 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 8:48

WIN

Occam 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:04

Blatant rip-off of "What did I just swallow?"

Zebidiah 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 2:05

HAHA that sucks but, actually, you eat random bugs in your sleep thats pretty bad one leg got stuck tho =|

infamousd3ath 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:23

O.O

ZleveL 0

Monday 7 June 2010 8:25

LOL

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The Top

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 49 635

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 1 196

The Top

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 109

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 705

You deserved it 3 856

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 824

You deserved it 3 777

Today, after undergoing a rigorous diet and exercise program, I was proud of losing 65 lbs in 3 months. When my favorite client saw me gleaming from my results, she loudly exclaimed that, “all life is sacred.” She assumed I'd had an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 136

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 473

You deserved it 2 579

Today, I was trying to propose to my girlfriend when some scumbag snatched the ring and bolted. I chased him down, tackled him, and punched him until he gave the ring back. Now my girl is upset, crying, "What if he was hungry and needed to buy food? You didn't have to hurt him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 82

Same thing different taste

Fear factor

My little friends

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