Love: Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years.... - FML

By ohwell - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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My body, my choice

Clean break

Get the message, dude

By CptZoe - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

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By ew - United States

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

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By xCZ75x - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

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By TheKingDavis - United States

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

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By weirdedout - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

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By thanxguys - United States

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

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By jessii - United States

Today, in math class, I got an answer "wrong." The teacher yelled at me, then he realized that my answer was correct. Then he yelled at me for not correcting him. FML

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By RedheadA - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was just wearing socks. FML

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By letsloseweight - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

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By boogerbrain - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

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By disappoint - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

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By harry - Hong Kong

Today, I started growing hair on my upper lip. I'm finally becoming a man! Too bad I'm a 17 year old girl. FML

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By Chasity - United States

Today, I logged onto a website that offered free tutoring. After chatting with the online tutor, he started flirting with me. I was just looking for some help with my homework, not a creeper. FML

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By Dumbfounded - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

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By TzarErik - United States - Fort Collins

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

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By Deceptive Dog 1242 - United States

It's Cat-Dog!

Today, I pulled something out of my tiny 6 month old puppy's mouth, thinking it was a cord that he had gotten a hold of. As it turns out, it was a baby mouse he had caught and killed. FML

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By turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

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By Shock - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

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By period pains - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

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By INeedaNewJob - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

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By loser - United States - Washington

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

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By Steve - New Zealand

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

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By small dick energy

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

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By tukkies - South Africa

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

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By carboat - United States

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

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By TheRuleEnforcer - United States

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

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By shinoza - Malaysia

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

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By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/4/2020 02:00

Confinement, episode 3774

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

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By creepedouthostess - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

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By pugs - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

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By bad samaritan - United States - Houston

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

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By VoiceMail - Australia

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML

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By that guy

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

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Top comments

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

By kyeee | 0

#287931 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:16

Well, you weren't expecting anything from him....
and if he had a girlfriend why bother?
if he liked you he would be dating you not her.

COMMENTS

By Capnstinkfoot | 0

#287893 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:11

Ouch

Reply

emmaleeislamee | 0

#1238886 - Saturday 14 August 2010 3:54

YDI because you said you didn't expect anything from him. Let the man pee!

Reply

gman90210 | 18

#3917444 - Saturday 21 January 2012 6:39

Well at least he took the time to listen to you ramble on

By CinderElla21 | 0

#287897 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:12

hahaha

Reply

ShinnamonBun | 7

#7430896 - Wednesday 29 March 2017 4:08

Why do comments like these get so much hate? It's literally one of the most innocent things you can write, except if the post was about a death

By myfairyoshi_fml | 0

#287900 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

OHH
that is so messed up!
I feel so bad for you

Also good job for liking a butt.

By joker3069 | 0

#287901 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol

By Blue33_fml | 0

#287903 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

awww =(

By spirited_away33 | 0

#287906 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

Aww I'm sorry

At least you know now what a dick he is

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6595853 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 15:35

He's not a dick, he had a girlfriend and OP is being rude by telling him that she likes him when she knows that he had a girlfriend.

By lifesucks210 | 0

#287907 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol. obviously he doesn't feel that same way :/ sorry!

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

Reply

AJx3 | 0

#334677 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 0:57

yeah, I agree. why did you confess to him, knowing he's already got a gf? that just makes things awkward. he probably said that as an excuse to get away. I mean, how else was he supposed to respond?

By EhLasalvadorena | 0

#287918 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cheerinpink | 6

#5101124 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 13:38

He's an asshole for not cheating on his girlfriend? Yeah, that makes total sense.

By colourmealy | 0

#287920 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

ohh thats shitty