Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years.... - FML

By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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Family values

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Not a cheating!

By stepknee - 14/10/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2013 07:18 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

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By Ava777 - 20/2/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

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By idonthavelice - 28/2/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

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By bookworm - 8/6/2019 14:00

Today, I had a garage sale and sold some books I don't read anymore. A woman came up and yelled at me, saying I'd stolen one of the books from her house. I later found out that it was a distraction so that her boyfriend could steal my TV. FML

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By viviham - 4/5/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

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By Tim - 16/6/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

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By readytoamputatemyfeet - 30/6/2013 23:00 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

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By whatsername92 - 1/2/2013 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

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By pinkblankets - 19/4/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Mavis - 3/2/2009 07:54 - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

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By himtopia19 - 3/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

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By jess - 29/7/2020 20:02

Empathy

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

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By hellphone_fml - 1/7/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

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By kyle - 5/6/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

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By thatgirl34 - 9/2/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

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By dramateach11 - 3/4/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

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By Q - 20/5/2014 17:27 - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

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By unknown - 17/8/2019 02:00 - Canada

Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML

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By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

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By BirthdayTeeth - 16/6/2009 11:14 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

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By The_Waffle - 14/5/2016 17:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML

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By Embarassed - 10/9/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

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By suckatlifeeexo - 25/4/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

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By teejayrn - 17/12/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

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By DroppedTheSoap - 26/4/2019 04:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

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By regected - 30/8/2009 12:19 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

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By lambeaster - 20/1/2016 14:27 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

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By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

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By joeheathen - 13/11/2009 12:57 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

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By anonymous - 11/1/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

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Top comments

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

By kyeee | 0

#287931 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:16

Well, you weren't expecting anything from him....
and if he had a girlfriend why bother?
if he liked you he would be dating you not her.

COMMENTS

By Capnstinkfoot | 0

#287893 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:11

Ouch

Reply

emmaleeislamee | 0

#1238886 - Saturday 14 August 2010 3:54

YDI because you said you didn't expect anything from him. Let the man pee!

Reply

gman90210 | 18

#3917444 - Saturday 21 January 2012 6:39

Well at least he took the time to listen to you ramble on

By CinderElla21 | 0

#287897 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:12

hahaha

Reply

ShinnamonBun | 7

#7430896 - Wednesday 29 March 2017 4:08

Why do comments like these get so much hate? It's literally one of the most innocent things you can write, except if the post was about a death

By myfairyoshi_fml | 0

#287900 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

OHH
that is so messed up!
I feel so bad for you

Also good job for liking a butt.

By joker3069 | 0

#287901 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol

By Blue33_fml | 0

#287903 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

awww =(

By spirited_away33 | 0

#287906 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

Aww I'm sorry

At least you know now what a dick he is

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6595853 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 15:35

He's not a dick, he had a girlfriend and OP is being rude by telling him that she likes him when she knows that he had a girlfriend.

By lifesucks210 | 0

#287907 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol. obviously he doesn't feel that same way :/ sorry!

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

Reply

AJx3 | 0

#334677 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 0:57

yeah, I agree. why did you confess to him, knowing he's already got a gf? that just makes things awkward. he probably said that as an excuse to get away. I mean, how else was he supposed to respond?

By EhLasalvadorena | 0

#287918 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cheerinpink | 6

#5101124 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 13:38

He's an asshole for not cheating on his girlfriend? Yeah, that makes total sense.

By colourmealy | 0

#287920 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

ohh thats shitty