Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years.... - FML

By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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Nice neighborhood

Great boyfriend

Assumptions

By inpain - 17/3/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

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By clueless2 - 20/2/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

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By NYeeerrr - 9/6/2019 22:00

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

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By JennyPenny - 17/10/2012 15:53 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

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By jared576 - 5/6/2015 03:01

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

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By Me. - 23/7/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

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By LemonTree - 20/11/2014 11:32 - Hungary

Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

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By living in the ugly treehouse - 14/2/2016 11:23 - Australia

Today, while taking the bus home, a girl stared at me for a while before asking me if I'd ever heard of makeup. FML

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By Lena - 18/10/2015 17:06 - Germany

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

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By james - 14/12/2008 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

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By nothingisreal69 - 1/3/2011 22:21 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

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By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Annie's Song

Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found my 5-year-old son prancing around in high heels and cat ears, wearing a thong as a necklace, and waving a riding crop around like a sword. He'd found the box where granny keeps her special outfits that make granddad extra happy on Friday nights. FML

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By PineappleOfMyEye - 24/9/2018 17:30

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

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By Seriously? - 6/1/2014 07:17

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

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By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

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By thanksjill - 10/3/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, our school went to an elementary school to read to the kids. One of the girls in my group asked me if she could switch into another group, so I asked her what was wrong with mine. She said, "Nothing, I wanna be in her group. She's prettier." I was insulted by a kindergartner. FML

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By Tim - 16/6/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

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By moronicmoroccan - 22/1/2009 23:26 - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

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By asdfjkl - 6/9/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

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By jillydark6609 - 19/9/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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By rawrrrr - 17/3/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

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By damnnn - 17/7/2015 12:40 - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2015 04:58 - United States - Latrobe

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because her father, who abandoned her before she was born and just reentered her life, doesn't approve. FML

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By RiceSickle - 1/8/2014 02:50 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

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By Toldyouso - 22/1/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

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By blow me - 7/8/2015 16:36 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By no life to fuck :/ - 30/8/2013 23:37 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

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By kirassi919 - 20/9/2012 16:50 - United States - North Wales

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

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By littlepsychgirl - 29/9/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

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By peedonme - 22/2/2011 00:23 - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

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By vetapplez - 4/4/2009 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

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By Glutton - 28/1/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML

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By BadatDIY - 16/11/2009 14:04 - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

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By cjj325 - 20/3/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

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By Jeremy - 7/8/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

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By "people these days" - 19/7/2013 20:36 - United States - Fairfax

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

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Top comments

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

By kyeee | 0

#287931 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:16

Well, you weren't expecting anything from him....
and if he had a girlfriend why bother?
if he liked you he would be dating you not her.

Comments

By Capnstinkfoot | 0

#287893 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:11

Ouch

Reply

emmaleeislamee | 0

#1238886 - Saturday 14 August 2010 3:54

YDI because you said you didn't expect anything from him. Let the man pee!

Reply

gman90210 | 18

#3917444 - Saturday 21 January 2012 6:39

Well at least he took the time to listen to you ramble on

By CinderElla21 | 0

#287897 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:12

hahaha

Reply

ShinnamonBun | 7

#7430896 - Wednesday 29 March 2017 4:08

Why do comments like these get so much hate? It's literally one of the most innocent things you can write, except if the post was about a death

By myfairyoshi_fml | 0

#287900 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

OHH
that is so messed up!
I feel so bad for you

Also good job for liking a butt.

By joker3069 | 0

#287901 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol

By Blue33_fml | 0

#287903 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

awww =(

By spirited_away33 | 0

#287906 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

Aww I'm sorry

At least you know now what a dick he is

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6595853 - Tuesday 3 May 2016 15:35

He's not a dick, he had a girlfriend and OP is being rude by telling him that she likes him when she knows that he had a girlfriend.

By lifesucks210 | 0

#287907 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

lol. obviously he doesn't feel that same way :/ sorry!

By Diz | 0

#287915 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Wait 2 years and confess when he has a gf? Mm-HM.

Reply

AJx3 | 0

#334677 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 0:57

yeah, I agree. why did you confess to him, knowing he's already got a gf? that just makes things awkward. he probably said that as an excuse to get away. I mean, how else was he supposed to respond?

By EhLasalvadorena | 0

#287918 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cheerinpink | 6

#5101124 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 13:38

He's an asshole for not cheating on his girlfriend? Yeah, that makes total sense.

By colourmealy | 0

#287920 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

ohh thats shitty