Health: Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped... - FML

By wo-ow - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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Mother of the year

Messed up

Catching up

By IMSERIOUS - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

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By boblaj - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

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By dumped - Canada

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 17:01

Creepy idea, dude

Today, I finally found a way to lesser the loneliness in my life. During at least one work or school zoom meeting a day, I "pin" a random female attendee's screen. That way, I can pretend we're staring into each others eyes the whole time. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

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By that girl has a beard - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By Dumbdumb - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

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By UnluckyJulie - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

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By kimboslice106 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

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By DisgustingCreatures - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

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Yes or No?

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

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By EFFED4LIFE - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 20:01

Workers of the world unite

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

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By anonomous - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

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By fatpooch - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By yogapants - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

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By Maddi - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a coffee date with a man I met online. His "friend" had tagged along. We were having a good conversation, until the friend pulls out his laptop and says, "So let me tell you a little bit about our travel business," and talked about a pyramid scheme for an hour. FML

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By zep - United States

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Mark - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

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By Married Life 101

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Monroe

Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML

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By KarateKid76 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

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By Rakayla - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

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By ForeSight

Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

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By marryinghimanyway - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

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By annabellatrix - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

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By Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

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Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

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By Darin Greenwood

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

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By annoyed - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

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By StrandedWhale - United Kingdom

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

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By princess - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

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Top comments

By superrocket19 | 17

#5967454 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:14

I'm sorry op... Hopefully your leg gets better!

By stupidface15 | 16

#5967461 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:16

who won

COMMENTS

By superrocket19 | 17

#5967454 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:14

I'm sorry op... Hopefully your leg gets better!

Reply

gjikvtj | 18

#5967477 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:19

Oh doggum, he was just pulling her leg

Reply

AlwaysWatching | 27

#5968250 - Sunday 8 June 2014 0:03

You mean #9

By jstorie95 | 8

#5967455 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:14

Did you finally get to the hospital?

Reply

gjikvtj | 18

#5967472 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:18

This was actually typed with a broken leg and tears on the phone screen

Reply

Ian7890 | 23

#5967663 - Saturday 7 June 2014 9:11

#8 your profile pic confused me. i thought there was something on my screen

Reply

B1GK3N | 8

#5967712 - Saturday 7 June 2014 11:16

#8 you got me twice on the first two comments... -_- anyway, OP I hope you have a speedy recovery!

Reply

Blaphlafagus | 19

#5969054 - Sunday 8 June 2014 20:24

Some say she still sits in that car to this day..

By Miss_Whipped | 43

#5967460 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:15

Clearly this was the best time to rain down a shit storm.

Reply

tpm45 | 25

#5967490 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:25

According to OP, it most certainly was not.

By stupidface15 | 16

#5967461 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:16

who won

Reply

IllestRated | 17

#5967502 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:28

Her leg

Reply

J215B | 33

#5967610 - Saturday 7 June 2014 7:12

The stairs.

Reply

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5968275 - Sunday 8 June 2014 0:50

The dog

Reply

Mii99 | 16

#5969375 - Monday 9 June 2014 3:52

Why not both?

By Mii99 | 16

#5967465 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:16

Well this is awkward..

Reply

AnonymousFunFMLs | 18

#5967629 - Saturday 7 June 2014 7:43

How is it awkward?

Reply

emily4040 | 18

#5967832 - Saturday 7 June 2014 14:47

I agree with #39 how is it awkward?

By Rozay333 | 34

#5967469 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:17

Wow, that's suckish. Sorry OP. I hope you eventually got to a hospital to get your leg checked out.

By bcofelia | 22

#5967470 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:17

Here come the shitty puns.

Reply

stupidface15 | 16

#5967479 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:20

this could be a sticky situation

Reply

tpm45 | 25

#5967495 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:26

OP shouldn't have to put up with this shit.

By tpm45 | 25

#5967478 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:19

Clearly shit takes priority above all.

By spignona84 | 11

#5967480 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:20

Dogs shitting on your lawn is pretty fucking annoying

By TisAPenguin | 16

#5967494 - Saturday 7 June 2014 5:26

I would have let out a blood-curdling scream a couple minutes in.

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#5967789 - Saturday 7 June 2014 13:27

I completely agree, I would've been screaming, crying, honking the horn, anything to get him moving. It makes me wonder if the OP just say there quietly, patiently waiting? If so, than I guess the pain had subsided by then?

Reply

TisAPenguin | 16

#5967962 - Saturday 7 June 2014 18:10

I was wondering if maybe the father doesn't respond well to being interrupted, regardless of the situation. I've know people with parents that will put off their kids' needs for something totally unimportant.