Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture.... - FML

By Noname - 18/3/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

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Keep the peace

KoBabe

Boozehound alert

By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/4/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

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By dogproblems - 27/1/2015 15:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

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By that girl has a beard - 4/8/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By some_girl_19 - 5/8/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

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By Nathan - 17/1/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 13:59

Time for a BBQ

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

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By Dave - 10/9/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

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By itsnotyouitsme - 20/4/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

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By benz1369 - 12/5/2016 22:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML

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By Dinger1992 - 23/10/2012 13:19 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 23:48 - France

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

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By offbeans - 17/2/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

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By micheal - 21/6/2011 16:52 - United States

Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML

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By TheAngryBird - 28/6/2012 04:51 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML

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By Dumbweed - 28/8/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

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By muddled - 2/5/2012 06:16 - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

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By bun593 - 27/2/2010 01:52 - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2016 15:54 - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

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By PISSED OFF - 17/5/2015 13:09 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

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By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2012 08:50 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

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By Anonymouse - 2/7/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

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By sad day - 21/6/2020 17:04

Time to run

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

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By RiceCrispyTreats - 1/9/2015 16:46 - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

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By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

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By foxfur - 14/7/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

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By melmel - 5/5/2014 05:07 - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By InDebt - 4/2/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

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By aphre - 18/3/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

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By paprikarulz - 1/7/2009 10:31 - Australia

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

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By BlazefireSaber - 7/7/2015 03:59 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

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By Kenton - 15/6/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

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By Opplyst11 - 18/3/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

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By David - 8/11/2012 05:43 - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

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By tuck87 - 18/7/2014 15:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

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Top comments

By easrc | 5

#41405 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:35

In middle school I had a tech ed. teacher that would pile books on either side of a sleeping students head and then put a leather press (it weighed ~50lbs) on top of the books. Then he told the entire class to yell "wake up!" together and then the slumbering student would wake up and bash their head on the leather press. Nobody fell asleep twice in that class!

By guacala | 0

#41241 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:45

"Awe baby, i was just dreaming about you!"

COMMENTS

By guacala | 0

#41241 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:45

"Awe baby, i was just dreaming about you!"

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#832487 - Sunday 7 February 2010 7:11

YDI for sleeping in class

Reply

lovesick4628 | 0

#988078 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 2:06

lol #1

By HeadShots4Hope | 0

#41258 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:49

Well played.

By TheMitmit | 0

#41268 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:51

I once fell asleep during a geometry class. When the teacher woke me up I said, "Mom...five more minutes!" My teacher was an Englishman. So, you are not alone in confusing teachers with loved ones...

By TEAZO | 0

#41294 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:56

boy oh boy.
mr. sand man bring me a dream make me the cutest that you've ever seen!

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#41334 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:09

if you knew you were in class why would you even be saying stuff like that? ha you're own fault

By Pokerdance | 0

#41338 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:10

Haha sucks for you. This is why you don't fall asleep in class.

By Kassad_fml | 0

#41359 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:17

I know how it is sleeping in class since I had done it some few times. But I never respond with word when the teacher woke me up.. just looking at angry face made me silent

By easrc | 5

#41405 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:35

In middle school I had a tech ed. teacher that would pile books on either side of a sleeping students head and then put a leather press (it weighed ~50lbs) on top of the books. Then he told the entire class to yell "wake up!" together and then the slumbering student would wake up and bash their head on the leather press. Nobody fell asleep twice in that class!

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1002501 - Saturday 22 May 2010 17:51

daymn.. never taking tech.

Reply

Jf770 | 10

#3721579 - Monday 12 December 2011 20:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By blacklagoon_fml | 0

#41427 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:43

HAHAHA this is the funniest thing I have heard all day.

By mrcarmine | 0

#41441 - Thursday 19 March 2009 0:50

LMAO i wish i were in your class!!!