Transportation: Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 81

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 160

02/03/2010 09:14

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 547

You deserved it 3 239

Batman

Mother of the year

Bad day

13/09/2010 15:14

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 526

You deserved it 3 074

18/08/2010 12:01

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 408

You deserved it 13 057

21/06/2019 06:14

Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 423

07/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 834

You deserved it 574

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 168

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 484

You deserved it 1 553

03/03/2009 21:27

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 578

You deserved it 43 687

Creep

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that the guy I've been anonymously sexting with through an adult website is the seriously creepy stalker-ish front desk worker from our office building, who also happens to be the building owner's son. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 1 850

01/05/2011 07:03

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 381

You deserved it 7 949

Family dinner [gone racist]

By Thanks everyone - 28/08/2013 22:35

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 991

You deserved it 5 055

03/12/2015 00:44

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 532

You deserved it 1 560

09/01/2012 05:01

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 7 818

Mystery

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 14:51

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 324

You deserved it 1 891

20/11/2009 08:29

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 245

You deserved it 5 557

16/09/2012 01:29

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 2 363

19/11/2015 17:26

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 938

You deserved it 1 583

09/10/2013 05:21

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 5 481

03/10/2011 12:08

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 297

You deserved it 4 163

09/07/2013 11:05

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 347

You deserved it 4 811

03/05/2016 03:25

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 432

You deserved it 4 619

Strawberry surprise

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 786

21/08/2012 23:17

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 948

You deserved it 1 754

01/06/2011 04:28

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 272

You deserved it 15 014

16/11/2016 23:47

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 409

You deserved it 1 631

21/10/2015 04:09

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 025

You deserved it 2 661

Halloween, the long wait

By androidjezus - 03/11/2019 18:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 437

23/01/2009 12:04

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 909

You deserved it 8 278

04/04/2015 19:32

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 303

You deserved it 4 279

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 81

19/07/2012 23:56

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 572

Innocent

By Boyufd - 19/01/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 121

24/11/2012 11:54

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 5 277

12/05/2017 12:00

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 586

You deserved it 206

14/07/2013 22:52

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 574

You deserved it 3 255

21/01/2011 09:25

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 140

You deserved it 6 060

21/04/2016 20:28

Spicy

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 273

You deserved it 1 725

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 79

01/07/2013 21:14

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 638

You deserved it 2 524

07/12/2010 11:08

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 082

You deserved it 2 761

17/06/2009 03:42

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 800

You deserved it 10 462

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Top comments

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:06

I hear pudding in the hospital is real good.

lol_ironic_life 9

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:18

hope the meter wasn't running lol that's an expensive ride!

Comments

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:04

Crashhhhhh

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:09

choose the korean driverz they have reserve driver at the chunk

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 19:03

Well, did the taxi driver make you pay?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:23

Bihero, that was so racist.. But it's true. We Korean drivers have backup; we're just that cool.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:58

Welcome to the Crash Cab!

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:59

how does that even happen??

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:08

gooo koreans:) im korean

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:28

worst fml ever that would never happen. the sucked ballzzzzz

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:40

ITS CRAZY TAXI ! !

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:16

cuz with billions of people in the world not one taxi driver would ever fall asleep while they had a passnger in the cab....yeah it could happen probably didn't get enough sleep..... op:fyl hope you are ok

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:36

faaaakkkkeeee

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:39

Yay for Koreans!

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:01

It's completely plausible, it isn't that hard to fall asleep while driving if you're tired

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:13

I'm going out with a korean(: he's sexy as hell. Koreans ftw!

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:06

sue.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:27

It can actually happen to anyone who is really tired. It happened to me when I was driving home at 4am. I was super tired and just fell asleep behind the wheel. OP I hope you walked away unhurt unlike me

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:32

Wait.... WTF? Do you mean he fell asleep as in with YOU or just innocently? Sh!t...

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:28

nice

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:37

Did u end up in heaven?and did this fml in heaven?^^computers in heaven...

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:47

Korean taxis have backup drivers?

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:20

hahaha seriously uu need to finish tha story I wanna Kno tha rest of it

presshome2bblown 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:31

lol I love 25 s comment

strandedinalimo 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 10:30

I actually really like this FML.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 15:17

had no idea Singapore was heaven :D

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 15:35

WTF

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 21:26

@96 We also serve complimentary 똥 (food) in our cabs. Enjoy.

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Friday 5 March 2010 7:22

@59 lol that would make a great reality show :)

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Saturday 6 March 2010 3:01

thats good man

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Wednesday 10 March 2010 6:57

ow

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Wednesday 18 August 2010 7:02

lol. haha

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Monday 6 December 2010 4:15

Lolwut?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:05

Oops?

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:54

yea u wake up wit ur shirt up n ur tits hurt n the cab driver wakes up exhausted lol

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:06

I hear pudding in the hospital is real good.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 1:03

so what OP? at least you werent touched(or were you?)/raped.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:08

Faulty exhaust?

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:59

Yea that's what I was thinking... Either way def an FML as both could have gotten killed, though if it was in a parking lot or something that wouldn't have been nearly as bad

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:08

hahaha that's a good one

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:08

lmao!

madskillz3088 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:09

I beat he was awake in his dream....haha or nightmare ???

twistedavalon06 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:10

fake fml.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:11

I think you actually have something to sue over.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:57

Hell no it wouldn't happen in NYC because the driver would kick you out after he drives aimlessly so that he could overcharge you. trust me I KNOW!!!

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 20:14

not in Singapore

cgysoccerfreak 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 16:11

that's not an fml at all that's just fucked up

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:56

tht is def an fml...wonder wat he did before he fell asleep