By scarredforlife - New Zealand - Palmerston North Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML I agree, your life sucks 23221 You deserved it 1812 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Embarrassed - United States Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 15173 You deserved it 46870 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DumpedHisAss - United States Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML I agree, your life sucks 37895 You deserved it 3732 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2496 You deserved it 183 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Classy Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML I agree, your life sucks 51798 You deserved it 12979 309 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmeplease - United Kingdom Time to pretend Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML I agree, your life sucks 76091 You deserved it 12693 257 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dog_Lover - Canada - Montreal Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML I agree, your life sucks 35629 You deserved it 9664 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By chao - United States Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML I agree, your life sucks 43122 You deserved it 3844 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Redbeard - 24/1/2020 05:00 Who taught him Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML I agree, your life sucks 2068 You deserved it 335 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jex - United Kingdom - London Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML I agree, your life sucks 38750 You deserved it 4252 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sophistication - United States Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 43060 You deserved it 3211 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By loneliness - United States Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 30039 You deserved it 7341 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ashley Fire…? Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML I agree, your life sucks 1428 You deserved it 147 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ishouldhidethekeys - United Kingdom Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML I agree, your life sucks 39834 You deserved it 4713 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 55748 You deserved it 9135 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Arlington Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 48088 You deserved it 6268 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xyz - Ireland Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML I agree, your life sucks 17768 You deserved it 30631 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By really_dad? Today, I came out to my parents. After we had a talk about them accepting me, my dad said "now get out of here you little duck sucker." FML I agree, your life sucks 3751 You deserved it 645 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML I agree, your life sucks 11208 You deserved it 93395 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 30800 You deserved it 2613 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mika_Ookami - United States Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML I agree, your life sucks 32988 You deserved it 3240 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML I agree, your life sucks 43200 You deserved it 14135 254 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 11895 You deserved it 100004 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thenewgirl - United States - Jacksonville Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML I agree, your life sucks 36989 You deserved it 3868 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML I agree, your life sucks 29524 You deserved it 11128 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Denied! Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML I agree, your life sucks 31156 You deserved it 4735 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gnomead Why People Break Bad Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML I agree, your life sucks 3047 You deserved it 192 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ApparentlyaPotato - United States - Coeur D Alene Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML I agree, your life sucks 18456 You deserved it 2189 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pigglepigglepiggle - United States Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 10482 You deserved it 29478 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PigPen - United States Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML I agree, your life sucks 31096 You deserved it 10765 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Sweden - ?rsta Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML I agree, your life sucks 47386 You deserved it 4136 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By _RobotInDisguise - United Kingdom Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 52673 You deserved it 2930 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BloodyNoseMcgee Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 2894 You deserved it 168 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DaddysGirl - Canada Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 33301 You deserved it 2590 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Springfield Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML I agree, your life sucks 26721 You deserved it 1868 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00 Yikes Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML I agree, your life sucks 1318 You deserved it 203 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML I agree, your life sucks 7289 You deserved it 30020 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Liverpool Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML I agree, your life sucks 36880 You deserved it 4111 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML I agree, your life sucks 70187 You deserved it 8314 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML I agree, your life sucks 2066 You deserved it 154 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mandy - United States Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML I agree, your life sucks 29074 You deserved it 8735 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NakuEh | 27 #6535284 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:19 Ever wish those memory wipers from Men in Black really existed? Send a private message 129 2 Reply
By kowsee | 22 #6535276 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:15 Brain bleach... Now Send a private message 97 9 Reply
By kowsee | 22 #6535276 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:15 Brain bleach... Now Send a private message 97 9 Reply
By GTSharma | 4 #6535282 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:18 At least it's a moment to remember... Send a private message 11 18 Reply
By muchwow87 | 13 #6535283 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:19 He just needed a hand. Send a private message 49 6 Reply
By NakuEh | 27 #6535284 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:19 Ever wish those memory wipers from Men in Black really existed? Send a private message 129 2 Reply
Reply Seabass_Chan | 33 #6535450 - Friday 12 February 2016 20:46 Maybe they do and you just forgot. Send a private message 31 1 Reply
Reply cybRuser | 16 #6535936 - Saturday 13 February 2016 14:41 those have a name. Neuralyzers Send a private message 6 0 Reply
By hellnosucka | 27 #6535285 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:19 take out your eyeballs. marinate them in clorox for a few days. wash them thoroughly. let them dry in the sun. repeat process a couple of times before returning eyeballs to sockets. Send a private message 40 3 Reply
Reply PePziNL | 20 #6535531 - Friday 12 February 2016 23:09 Instructions unclear, got dick stuck in eye socket. Send a private message 21 2 Reply
Reply Timmip12 | 9 #6535569 - Saturday 13 February 2016 0:07 Lol it's been a while since I've seen one of these Send a private message 6 2 Reply
By dudeutookhrs | 24 #6535286 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:20 Those places are always full of surprises Send a private message 17 3 Reply
By M3DO | 24 #6535288 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:22 Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment Did you help him out? Send a private message 7 20 Reply
Reply onlychildFTW | 33 #6535903 - Saturday 13 February 2016 13:05 Oh yeah I'm sure OP just dropped to his knees in excitement. It's not like he posted a Fuck My Life about it. Oh wait... Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Reply Warm_Apple_Pie | 21 #6540614 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:25 Maybe if the OP dropped to his knees, the homeless man wouldn't have been masturbating ;) Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By NickD6 | 14 #6535292 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:23 That must be a sticky situation Send a private message 9 14 Reply
Reply COSaikou | 7 #6536023 - Saturday 13 February 2016 16:57 LOL for OP, but not for the homeless guy...or for him...depends in how ya look at et Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By Publikwerks | 14 #6535295 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:25 Why don't people knock anymore?!?! Send a private message 20 4 Reply
By BlueBaronBitch | 22 #6535297 - Friday 12 February 2016 18:27 Why would he decide that would be the best place.. Send a private message 7 5 Reply
Reply JustinJK | 21 #6535427 - Friday 12 February 2016 20:16 He's homeless lol. The world is his house. Send a private message 14 5 Reply
Reply BlueBaronBitch | 22 #6535430 - Friday 12 February 2016 20:20 I suppose.. there's just better places he can do that though.. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Reply tomvertigo | 17 #6535468 - Friday 12 February 2016 21:09 Do you diddle your flesh fiddle wherever you are in your home, #25? Or do you use restroom/bedroom? There are places he could go. Send a private message 10 1 Reply
Reply xx000o | 27 #6535484 - Friday 12 February 2016 21:42 For him it was the right place at the right time (assuming that he's right hand dominant) for her it was the wrong place at the right time. Send a private message 4 2 Reply
Reply mthurston | 14 #6536342 - Sunday 14 February 2016 2:06 Lol @ "diddle your flesh fiddle" Send a private message 2 1 Reply
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 34 You deserved it 240 4 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 79 You deserved it 403 6 Comments