Health: Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 37

27/02/2009 20:28

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I decided I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 895

You deserved it 228 136

You tried

Mama's boy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

27/01/2011 00:57

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 5 690

10/01/2015 03:41

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 472

You deserved it 2 442

08/10/2018 17:30

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 763

You deserved it 710

28/09/2011 14:04

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 637

You deserved it 6 394

04/03/2009 07:03

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 297

You deserved it 113 265

16/09/2014 23:23

Today, my co-workers threw me a surprise 30th birthday party. After lighting sparklers on the cake and singing happy birthday, we all enjoyed a few moments of sparkly, happy fun time. Then the building's fire alarm tripped and over 200 people had to be evacuated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 4 463

19/12/2010 20:51

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 050

You deserved it 7 175

13/03/2010 19:32

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 11 327

29/04/2016 17:05

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 354

You deserved it 1 269

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09

Spicy

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 179

You deserved it 29 643

16/08/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 196

16/03/2009 05:08

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 638

You deserved it 15 775

21/03/2009 16:11

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 553

You deserved it 37 025

25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 979

You deserved it 10 204

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 133

You deserved it 27 803

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 129

25/10/2013 04:35

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 691

You deserved it 20 937

05/02/2015 15:32

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 369

You deserved it 2 783

05/09/2009 03:07

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 945

You deserved it 49 616

21/12/2011 12:30

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 31 773

30/11/2014 20:24

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 257

You deserved it 3 462

06/11/2012 05:11

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 506

You deserved it 4 841

04/05/2011 21:53

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 916

You deserved it 28 708

10/03/2015 17:36

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 749

You deserved it 3 415

26/08/2019 19:01

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 1 754

01/06/2012 21:08

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 880

You deserved it 4 339

09/04/2018 13:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 155

You deserved it 411

09/12/2010 17:15

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 257

You deserved it 11 654

31/08/2015 04:50

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 729

You deserved it 1 691

03/12/2011 02:06

Spicy

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 260

You deserved it 4 804

03/07/2009 20:09

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 035

You deserved it 9 035

10/11/2013 07:49

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 594

You deserved it 4 318

16/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 801

22/04/2013 06:58

Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 008

You deserved it 5 235

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 120

10/08/2011 16:12

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 23 328

10/03/2010 01:17

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 079

You deserved it 7 989

24/08/2012 04:08

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 111

You deserved it 1 969

17/10/2016 19:34

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 146

You deserved it 1 274

11/02/2011 03:21

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 2 356

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Saturday 28 February 2009 0:48

Had you gotten out of bed you probably would have stomped on it anyway.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 0:28

Wow, that was pretty stupid.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 0:28

Wow, that was pretty stupid.

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Monday 28 February 2011 16:15

CS 116 Midterm 2011-02-28 19:00 DWE 3522 E-6 CS 116 Midterm 2011-02-28 19:00 DWE 3522 E-6

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Thursday 29 December 2011 1:50

???

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Saturday 28 February 2009 0:48

Had you gotten out of bed you probably would have stomped on it anyway.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 1:13

Never ever ever decide to throw up on the floor. No matter how lazy you are, it'll take 20 times the work later to clean it up, and that area will smell for a long time to come.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 1:23

you're disgusting... this isn't a FML it's a F your head... gross

potentpotable 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 1:29

Only a thousand? #3 is right, you're not losing much.

massnerder420 4

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Monday 18 July 2011 7:13

its alot to some people, like me who dont just have $1000 to throw around. not sure if youve realized this.

Rowdey 10

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Thursday 24 May 2012 3:03

How is sarcasm so hard to understand??

Justice4All_fml 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 1:37

wow. that is all i have to say. And...you're a moron

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 2:06

Wipe it off, laptops can deal with a lot

k649 0

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Saturday 28 February 2009 2:33

I agree with #11, what? Also, to the poster, you're a huge idiot.

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Saturday 28 February 2009 2:34

im guessing he took a shot/had a drink for ever year he was in school. i did this on graduation night haha

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Saturday 28 February 2009 3:40

why was it on the ground