mmhmm. where are you hiding her

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it's not where it's how many

OP that is just plain creepy

hey you should kidnap those girls so that other fml'er can take his usual route home

Sticks and stones may brake my bones but chains and whips excite me...

*break

LOL @ 24.. Sooo true.

the police interrupted what OP had in store for tonight.

how many sex slaves u have?

Credit card profiling happens... anytime I buy a bag of lime, shovels, anarchy handbook, 2 tons of fertilizer, ammonia nitrate, a confederate flag, blasting caps and 2 slim jims. Cops are all over me... they don't understand I'm just trying preparing for my audit at the IRS. I think it's the slim jims that give me away

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It's not lime. It's lye you want, to make bodies decompose faster.

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torture...duhhh

You're obviously an amateur..

11- you're obviously an amateur..

LOL #24

And what else, ammo? Sounds legit :|

you could clearly see that he was making a alien communication device.

That has been my monthly shopping list since I was about 15. and they've never found my prisoners...

good thing I don't use my credit card to buy the ropes, dog food, cattle prod, and hydrochloric acid. otherwise they might find grandma.. she's safer in my basement. the illuminati is out to get her! at least that's what the voices in my head tell me

(To the main FML): I once almost walked out a garage sale with a bat, a saw, hedge clippers, and a can of gas, but I thought better of it.

I hope the cops doesn't show up searching my place... I've got a nice stock of blondes, brunettes and gingers...

I kno what im buying

-92 Why do you steal my old pictures?

74 - where can an honest folk get a copy of anarchy handbook nowadays?

HAHA , i was thinking the EXACT same thing , Arlekin21 ! (x

#36 damn, I didn't even notice I did that. I thumbed myself down for that one : P

It is actually lime as lye will let the DNA leech into the soil enough for comparison and will also cause the body to have a foul odor but with lime it will eat the body and DNA faster than lye and will also have a much less noticeable odor. but I was wrong on ammonium nitrate

WHY DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS.

welcome to the "police" state. go back to the store you bought the stuff from and kick the cashier's ass

CSI :)

199- Best. Pic. Evar. I don't care if I get thumbs down for the dumb comment, but the world must see that insta-lol

Are you Buffalo Bill? "It puts the lotion on the skin."

The Internet?

183) the Internet!

sounds like a fun night

I know how OP feels... why the other day I just wanted some wire explosives casing and detonator but the FBI wouldn't let me

It was a fun night!

all your missing is some good scotch and you got your self one hell of a night

did you buy a basket to put the lotion in?

bahaahahahahha @ 72 , Joe dirt :D

72 deserves sooo many more likes!! that is gold!!

112. it's silence if the lambs dinkus McGee.

of.

probably quite a kinky one ;)

Giggity

FIRST!!!!!!!!

lame I wad five seconds too late

That doesn't look suspicious at all...

yea if you are Casey Anthony! hahahha too soon

He just described my shopping list.

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164, it's called sarcasm.

this FML actually made me laugh.

that's hella funny.. but wtf ?

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Well spotted, Sir!

My thoughts exactly! Why give this thumbs down? OP is a kidnapper ffs ;) lol

No shit Sherlock

I don't blame him... Sounds fishy.

you smell fishy , damn close those legs!

I meant to say them, oops, oh well(:

haha like your underware jk

& How would you know? Creeepppper.

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coincidences are only illegal in russia you fucking commie.

Illegal for the police to search your house at random? Yes, unless OP gave them permission. [And no, they didn't get a signed warrant in the same day, it doesn't work that way.]

they probably asked permission first if they didn't have a warrant

7- No, it's illegal over there.

now why would one need all of those?

For a fun time?(;

For a fun time?(;

To make Cupcakes silly.

It's for getting that 25 kill streak for a Tactical Nuke. What did you expect?

Instantly %20 more awesome.

*Unconciously kidnaps and rapes a susbstantial amount of people.*

best comment ever!!!

i work as a cashier, and i had a guy probably in his late 60's buy a pack of trojans, whipped cream and chocolate syrup

I was in line behind one of those... the cashier thought I was with him!

You forgot the beer!!!

Hell yeah, haha

that just goes without saying!

hey y u no

Yesss, put the 69th thumbs up!