Intimacy: Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every...

By nr1234 - 24/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 247

You deserved it 4 477

Intimacy

Broken heart

Leave us alone

Unrequited

Supportive

By Khagen - 27/01/2021 05:01

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 87

Too good to be true

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 08:00

Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 20/05/2014 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 138

You deserved it 7 582

By LostSleep - 24/05/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 695

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 24/10/2013 21:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 826

You deserved it 6 269

Mouthwatering

By yuna - 05/04/2021 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 66

By stilljobless - 21/05/2015 02:49 - United States - Willimantic

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 468

You deserved it 2 153

Keep busy, don't think of the void

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 20:00

Today, we had a meeting at work, during which I got reprimanded for "disappearing." I'm the only one who constantly stays busy, since I'm broken in a way that my self-worth directly correlates with how productive I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 105

By ineedalifekay - 24/05/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 944

You deserved it 46 307

By oops - 18/05/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 261

You deserved it 18 101

By oops - 27/03/2014 23:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 065

You deserved it 7 103

By rb - 01/05/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 687

You deserved it 3 568

By Bigbaby - 11/06/2015 22:29 - United States - Ontario

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 835

You deserved it 12 164

Shut up

By brad3720 - 14/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 449

You deserved it 7 522

By pissed girlfriend - 25/02/2013 03:08 - United States - Celina

Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 903

You deserved it 5 599

By Kreen - 02/02/2012 08:10 - China

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 034

You deserved it 44 431

By Purple - 06/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 2 911

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 380

You deserved it 37 593

By StratMan - 28/05/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my feelings to this girl I'm crazy about. I even wrote and recorded a song for her. Instead of listening to it, she gave it to her ex boyfriend who responded to my heartfelt words by headbutting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 950

You deserved it 7 652

By dumass - 27/09/2014 02:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 536

You deserved it 21 101

By icantdrive - 19/03/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 262

You deserved it 73 232

By whereismyring - 28/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 1 699

By evomadrid24 - 17/06/2011 00:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 938

You deserved it 10 198

By MommyLovesMe - 08/03/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 627

You deserved it 3 327

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 091

You deserved it 1 006

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 148

You deserved it 16 421

By kk - 25/06/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, the man next to me was feeding the birds when he ran out of food. We were at Adventure Island and there were "Do not feed the birds" signs everywhere. The birds then became aggressive and started savaging the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 220

You deserved it 4 761

By dontask - 22/12/2018 18:00

Today I was stalking my Bumble match’s Instagram feed before I said hello. I went to tap for sound on a video of him getting his backside tattooed but accidentally double tapped and liked the video. Sound turned on and I realized I liked a video of him farting. Couldn’t say hello after that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 728

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 046

You deserved it 3 077

By rhcpgurl - 23/07/2015 15:07 - United States - San Jose

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 763

You deserved it 2 648

Stuck in the past

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 379

By _RobotInDisguise - 09/12/2009 23:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 728

You deserved it 2 936

By forkmylife - 19/05/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, my school is having a mandatory class on etiquette. We've just now progressed onto forks after a long, tedious discussion on spoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 127

You deserved it 4 395

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 172

By OweLotsaMoney - 05/09/2013 15:49 - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 538

You deserved it 12 205

Double take

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 08:26 - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 541

You deserved it 3 694

By argument invalid? - 27/02/2019 16:00

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 178

By Roll Tide of Tears - 17/01/2016 03:28 - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 772

You deserved it 5 657

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 131

The truth will set you free

By Imnotfromhere - 29/08/2021 23:01

Today, I told my mom I was with my female friend last night, because I wasn't ready to tell her about my new boyfriend. I didn't realize he gave me a hickey and now my whole family thinks I'm a lesbian. They won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 885

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Top comments

PsychoXtheXrapis 3

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:10

Hey, at least he doesn't have an orgasm every time he gets a bloody nose.

ambowew 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:53

You're dating Jiraiya?! That's so perverted, shame on you!

ambowew 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:53

You're dating Jiraiya?! That's so perverted, shame on you!

coolkid_matt 11

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:20

Loving the pic ^_^

iLazy 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:25

Isn't he dead?

ambowew 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:30

He'll be forever alive in spirit T_T

whoisthisgirl 4

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 13:03

hey look on the bright side, he can never fake it now :)

peachesbeach 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:05

69 YDIs...how appropriate ...i love jiraiya ;)

cgchamp89 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:09

it's kinda sorta hard to fake an orgasm as a guy..........

juicedboi 7

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:14

Just in case you missed it, now you wont. And the tissues will be even more useful now!

Xmarshall16X 5

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:37

Haha dang you beat me to it.

ElMundio87 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 16:50

51 not really

dudeitsdanny 9

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 17:22

51- I have one word for you: Condoms. I've never done it, but I imagine that's one way.

imcutefml 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 18:04

naruto references ftw

CoolAidIsMyName 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 1:22

ha. you're replying to something bout sex when you've never dome it.

herrobear 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:32

Why f your life? F his life.

monkeebalz 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 4:12

shes so good, she took his nose's virginity

zachhasse 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:53

nice pic bro lol

mygreenhoodie 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:48

wait that's not normal ?

dixieboo 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:16

Lol but Jiraya's like, 52! Eh, who cares, ur still right! X3

CatEyes66 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:53

Must be a good orgasm.

Bano360 25

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 13:34

Do you squeal like a pig when you orgasm?

rawr9able 4

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 15:00

Am I the only one who finds this hot? Only me? Damn oh well.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 17:24

We're not all hemophiles or BDSM enthusiasts, sorry =(

rawr9able 4

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 1:25

don't knock it til ya try it. :P ain't a hemophile but bdsm yes.

kingatowning 2

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:12

a great orgasm or some rough sex

Anderswartz 4

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:29

Bano wins for previous FML reference

randomguy1millon_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 6:58

the blood just makes better lube

Mort74 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:59

Tell him Viagra is a bad idea if one's got hypertension. Now, seriously, he should go to the doc. That doesn't seem healthy...

dreamering 16

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:02

What's the problem? You pussy bleed every month. You're even

akd1v 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:37

he makes a point

samatoulai 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:56

well at lest she's not over him.

inflames2361 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 19:53

what's the problem? discharging built up blood in the uterus is natural. nosebleeds are not.

xoxbandgeekxox13 3

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 2:14

lmfao 88...fail. I'm not even gonna tell you why cause you don't deserve to know

milky953 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:25

I surprised nobody has mentioned amine cause that happens in every anime I've seen. it would normally be when they see a naked just not orgasm..

coolkid_matt 11

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:06

Wow that's weird :S Send him to the doctor

PsychoXtheXrapis 3

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:10

Hey, at least he doesn't have an orgasm every time he gets a bloody nose.

DropDead77 11

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:36

That would be interesting

lavantant 3

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 21:07

that would be an endless cycle...

D11Churchkill 8

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 22:59

Are you a philosopher or something?

mustafa_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:23

haha I see what you did there!!

iwouldliketocomm 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:12

you could love him to death if you wanted too

CateXOX 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:16

FHL, he might want to get that looked at. Also, don't go too hard on him, that would be a difficult death to explain to his parents.

fthku 13

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 13:15

True that he might need to get it looked at, because bleeding does sound extreme to me, but the reason this happens is because there is actually erectile tissue in the nose. Some people sneeze the first few seconds after they get turned on, but only at the begining and only a few sneezes, so getting it looked at is a good idea.

FlashBurn 13

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:19

High blood pressure more likely. The increase during an orgasm could be causing a minor rupture of blood vessels in his nose, i.e. the nose bleed. Tell him to get to a doctor, or pick up a vampire fetish in the sack! :O