Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is...

By Lilo4life - United States - San Francisco

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Body issues

Big baby man

By scarred for life - United States - Carmel

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

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By haku4u - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

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By melean - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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41554

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By Wrongword - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML

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By nice education you've got there - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

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By marie - 2/12/2020 23:02 - United States - San Jose

Gamers rise up

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

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By Sylvania - United States

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

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By awkward - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

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16881

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By Frank - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

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38802

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By oops - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

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By Faithful - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

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By licensed_ginger - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

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38349

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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31583

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By appleville - United States

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

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33504

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By soldiergirl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

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35993

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2020 14:01

All kinds of wrong

Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML

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1622

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By Anonymous - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML

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1520

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By Omegared - United States

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

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16287

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 05:02 - Germany - Emden

Triage

Today, I realised that Gmail has been sending lots of important messages directly into the spam folder, where I never saw them. All were from people who I had either contacted myself, or had regular contact with in the past. One address even had a filter on it, specifying, "Never send it to spam." FML

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988

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By Richard - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

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By Sunny - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

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By AudraRose - United States

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

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37375

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By crunknasty - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

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16993

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

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32069

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By Jack00412 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

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45190

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By jellymoon14 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

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37749

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By EwokLover17 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

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6594

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Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

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2180

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By Ugh

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

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2162

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By Spiller - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

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10296

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me to donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

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39799

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By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

284

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By coloradoman - United States

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

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40421

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By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

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By Superdumb

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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1671

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By Heatherrolstonn - United States - Suwanee

Today, I received an email asking for a Skype interview at 11 am sharp. I waited for half an hour. He never even accepted my contact request. FML

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Top comments

By mds9986 | 24

#6373511 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:20

Human helicopter

By Emmamazing | 26

#6373515 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:22

I have long hair. This is my biggest fear come true

COMMENTS

By mds9986 | 24

#6373511 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:20

Human helicopter

Noelletakumi | 36

#6373574 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:53

Ouch, I imagine that being very painful, OP.

LOLS_ftw | 11

#6374073 - Friday 7 August 2015 13:46

GET TO THE HELICHOPTER

By Emmamazing | 26

#6373515 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:22

I have long hair. This is my biggest fear come true

By triplebeerox | 27

#6373520 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:23

I would get really freaked out if something like that happened to me. What ended up happening? Did some hair get torn out?

HeadlessSparrow | 20

#6373691 - Friday 7 August 2015 3:56

oh no, the fan probably just ripped off from the ceiling

By Emmers__27 | 7

#6373522 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:23

Yikes, hope you and your hair are alright!

By beeferjay | 34

#6373526 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:23

get it on video, and follow up with the link.

rileyrae0000 | 23

#6373591 - Friday 7 August 2015 2:06

I don't think OP would ever want to experience this again, especially not for the enjoyment of random people

By samlovesham1234 | 9

#6373546 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:40

Maybe it's long enough to donate for making a wig?

By EclipseCandy6 | 24

#6373552 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:44

Holy shit are you okay?

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6373555 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:46

By dylanhasemann413 | 8

#6373556 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:46

So did the hair dry?

By rileyrae0000 | 23

#6373568 - Friday 7 August 2015 1:51

My scalp hurts from reading this. But wow you must be quite tall, have long hair, or just really short ceilings.