Pretend to be on his side, and advise him to get the girliest sports car you can find!
Sit back and enjoy the result...

Girliest sports car = Mazda Miata

"Sit back and enjoy the results"?? You say this like if the boss was really going to fall for it. I'm sure he is an asshole, not an idiot. Just sayin'. =)

Lexus SC convertible for sure. Miatas are pretty popular as track day cars, and the racing crowd loves them. They're also not very expensive. The Lexus on the other hand, he could blow a good sum of money on for very little actual sport factor.

Definitely a Porsche Boxter.

Retail on the Boxter is terrible due to their shitty engines. Shitty as in breaks a lot and costs a fortune to repair.

Yea, the Lexus sounds like a good plan, I hate those things, gay as shit. Miatas are amazing cars, don't bash them.

Boxster*

Toyota solora as well. It is a horrible, horrible thing.

Paint it pink too.

Hmm i wonder if one plans to smash a new car.

Well to be fair he is the manager and until OP is all op's work will go forgotten.

2 - Your dog is sooo cute. I love labs :)

Irrelevant comment is irrelevant.

Revenge OP piss in his air vents. Not to harmful just the smell will be inside the car for a long time.

Better yet rub stinky cheese on the manifolds and throw parm cheese on the radiator

use a syringe to inject about 2eggs into the sealing tubes on the door and let the heat do the rest. or mix chlorine and rubbing alcohol in a plastic bottle Do NOT shake until you put it in his car.

Now its time to make the company's monthly revenue go down!

That's a pretty big damn bonus if he can buy a sports car with it.

No shit Sherlock

Why a sports car? They have like no room. I am sorry about hating on them. I just like having room like a Suburban for example. Also, how would one go about having sexual intercourse in one?

Muscle car > sports car

Muscle cars can be sports cars, and sports cars can be muscle cars.

Muscle cars are only good at driving in straight lines, being shaped like bricks, and chugging gas.

I love how bosses always get credit for an employee's hard work. But when it comes to bad work, it's the employees fault. Sorry, OP.

That's how management does things.
Positive work is the managers doing.
Negative work is the employees doing.

Key it!

Fuck that!
Steal the keys and the car, and drive it off a cliff (not before jumping out)

Tell him insurance is overrated.
Oh no! Some random thugs trashed his ride? Well isn't that unfortunate.

Real original.

Original or not, I still thought it was pretty funny.

Or totally impractical since insurance is mandatory or you can't drive your car...

In some states, I believe insurance is optional. I forget which ones though

36- Two things.

1) As far as I know, insurance is only mandatory right when you get your license (at least in Arizona). If that's the case, driving without insurance is doable, as long as you don't get caught (not saying that is the right thing to do).

2) It's a joke. Impracticality is the basis of most jokes. Frankie says "relax".

You do know that there are (at least) 2 uses for car keys.

Starting cars and unlocking cars?

Keying cars ;)