Intimacy: Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two... - FML

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 062

You deserved it 3 795

Empathy lives

Sorry…

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 2 617

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 412

You deserved it 1 411

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 956

You deserved it 6 752

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Spicy

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 803

You deserved it 18 241

By tiredeolfatty - 21/09/2012 02:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 4 511

By Like mother like daughter - 24/02/2015 22:25 - United States - Aurora

Spicy

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 385

You deserved it 9 411

Huge fan of his work

By [email protected] - 25/02/2009 07:42 - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home, so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes, I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years, until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 146

You deserved it 4 343

By bad dad - 05/06/2019 06:00

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 172

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 89

By ipodless - 13/10/2011 00:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I asked everyone for iTunes money, pleased to finally be able to buy some new songs for my iPod. After receiving several gift cards, I discovered that my iPod had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 232

You deserved it 4 310

By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 788

You deserved it 3 396

By single once again - 07/10/2015 07:41 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 2 590

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 050

You deserved it 3 210

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 237

You deserved it 6 284

By Thanks a lot - 23/10/2015 01:27 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 221

You deserved it 2 001

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 1 924

By Serire - 23/09/2014 00:23 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 5 177

By BlueSuit - 14/02/2016 19:20 - United States - New York

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 455

You deserved it 1 392

Monetize your shit life

By chap - 11/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 198

By unknown951 - 29/11/2010 07:11

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 4 747

By Fattie - 09/07/2009 17:50 - Malaysia

Spicy

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 171

You deserved it 14 204

By ellie - 23/11/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 3 123

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 21:27 - Canada

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 590

You deserved it 42 962

By okay17 - 29/12/2014 05:00 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 902

You deserved it 5 086

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 15 872

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 857

You deserved it 5 327

By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 210

You deserved it 8 202

By lord kuntface - 22/08/2013 21:33 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 549

You deserved it 3 529

By aaah. - 24/05/2012 05:42 - Canada - Caronport

Spicy

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 065

You deserved it 7 747

By Anonymous - 03/03/2014 16:30

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 763

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 00:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 2 010

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 796

You deserved it 2 169

By outplayed - 01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 2 468

By pat - 09/03/2010 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I failed to deliver a bunch of papers to a road that no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 2 503

By are you kidding me? - 16/05/2016 21:24 - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 478

You deserved it 910

By crazy cat lady - 03/11/2016 19:31 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 457

You deserved it 857

By mexicandelicacy - 04/03/2012 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 617

You deserved it 6 239

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 4 709

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 06:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 756

You deserved it 6 910

Stay at home, especially you

By Anonymous - 09/04/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got tested positive for coronavirus, caught from my antivax neighbor who doesn't understand personal space. She calls herself a "Doctor", so "knows best." She has a PhD in psychology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 163

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Top comments

sapm90 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:32

wife or ex?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:21

Meet Bob. Bob is a hermaphroditic alcoholic who is unhappy about his penis size. Take Bob's advice. Bob is smiling.

Comments

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

awhh your granny has bigger boobs than you

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:07

Wrong FML.

Dragons_corner 6

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:09

wrong FML lol but that's messed up. time for a divorce unless she's got's a blow up doll or some kinds if of life like doll.

RyGan 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:33

"More than" meaning she had sex once in the past month and you havent been laid in a year ..

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:48

maybe she had an affair with marinus

Kiill3rQu33n16 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:28

#11 is that a crossbreed between a banana and a strawberry???

TheWhiteDemon 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:38

omg a strawberry shaped like that wuld be fkin awesomeee!!!

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Sunday 17 October 2010 6:28

wrong fml, go back one fml

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:43

11 pic looks like a fruit imitation of a penis. maybe dog or human penis.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:10

Meet Bob. Bob is a hermaphroditic alcoholic who is unhappy about his penis size. Take Bob's advice. Bob is smiling.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:10

Again? I'd dump her cheating ass, right after I back-hand slap her with my pimp hand.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 6:30

#36, I have those shorts, they r comfy :)

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Sunday 26 December 2010 8:52

you can barely even see her shorts..... how do you know?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:12

lol rape her and dump her in a dark ally

supasxcprincess 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:17

ha mm cod sure raping her will solve it? she sounds like a cheating whore who can't get enough dick so it wouldn't be rape anyways.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:21

this...

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:21

Meet Bob. Bob is a hermaphroditic alcoholic who is unhappy about his penis size. Take Bob's advice. Bob is smiling.

Send a private message

Saturday 16 October 2010 12:31

You're not helping. She was fucking Bob on the side.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:55

I think op has the small penis or just doesn't know how to use it.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:46

#13 what if the OP had a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge penis? and his wife was afraid?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 18:41

omg, FFML314 IS bob!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 19:50

13 ur epic

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:32

wife or ex?

Send a private message

Saturday 16 October 2010 12:33

Ouch. Well, it's your choice where you go from there, either way, you definately need to talk that one through completely.

40ozToFreedom 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:18

choice? the only choice is divorce!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 17:38

For a lot of people yes, that is how they view it. But there are some people out there who are willing to forgive, others who are willing to forgive based on what the reasons are... Not everyone views everything the same way.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:24

Cheaters deserve neither a second chance nor forgiveness. Those that talk as you do are either cheaters themselves or doormats. I am betting you are a cheater.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:35

Then you misjudge me entirely, EvilDave. I am neither. Personally, I wouldn't forgive anyone who cheated, however not everyone is the same. There are cases when people chose to forgive, for whatever reasons, and for all we know, the OP is one of those people.

daemonsparta 16

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Thursday 23 April 2015 10:06

more sex in two months than with hey husband in two years. .. thats a LOT of forgiveness

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:03

i wanna know with who?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:51

Can't you read? FYLDeep had already told us it was with Bob.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:07

oh wow :/ seems like a time to move onto better things in life? btw i hope that's mrs. EX op by now?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:34

just wanna through this out there but your beautiful

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Saturday 16 October 2010 21:41

Good job. Now try using that line with a girl irl face to face and perhaps just maybe, god willing, you won't have to pull your pud for the rest of your life.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:30

Well that's what happens when a pimp gets married to his ho! Did she at least give you your share of her earnings? If so then I don't see what the fml is.

kkyl 1

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Friday 24 June 2011 22:23

that is really stupid

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 43

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 157

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 1 253