Kids: Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 209

12/10/2013 05:40

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 949

You deserved it 4 448

Triage

Walk on the wild side

Asshat

07/02/2016 17:59

Spicy

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 2 118

15/04/2018 06:00

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 225

27/06/2010 10:07

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 130

You deserved it 7 817

13/01/2013 21:02

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 663

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 803

You deserved it 5 993

25/09/2012 23:20

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 1 908

Where am I?

By sam - 15/05/2021 00:01

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 278

17/06/2014 02:45

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 796

You deserved it 47 642

14/07/2018 19:00

Today, I almost died after getting an epidural in my neck. The medicine paralyzed my entire body, including my diaphragm and lungs. The doctor tried to say it was a panic attack. I had turned blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 023

You deserved it 219

25/07/2011 03:26

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 2 684

Et tu, Doggo?

By fml9124 - 05/09/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 348

01/09/2019 16:00

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 102

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 066

You deserved it 452

19/09/2010 07:31

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 646

You deserved it 2 833

22/02/2013 01:33

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 608

You deserved it 5 819

26/07/2016 06:12

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog that had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 918

You deserved it 1 616

05/06/2012 04:27

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 35 933

06/01/2010 21:05

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 26 719

10/02/2011 16:09

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 747

You deserved it 38 509

16/03/2014 14:00

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 3 550

20/08/2015 04:48

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 724

You deserved it 4 400

05/02/2012 00:35

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 085

You deserved it 3 180

01/02/2010 13:17

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 635

You deserved it 4 955

13/07/2009 13:25

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 657

You deserved it 6 813

12/12/2009 06:38

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 028

You deserved it 56 323

Sprain in the ass

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 16:02

Today, after two months of recovering from a sprained ankle, the doctor told me I was fully healed. On the way to my car from the doctor's, I stepped on some leaves, which were covering a small hole. A hole big enough for me to trip on and give me another sprained ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 95

20/12/2012 05:30

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 926

You deserved it 15 299

19/12/2013 22:13

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 4 325

Inappropriate

By Pandistoteles - 14/04/2015 21:17

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonald's but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 424

You deserved it 2 714

21/02/2014 17:37

Spicy

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 539

You deserved it 6 119

Spotted

By sara - 24/07/2020 23:01

Today, I discovered my first wrinkle at the same time as my millionth zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 139

28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 763

You deserved it 368

31/10/2016 04:38

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 1 150

15/11/2012 14:54

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 532

You deserved it 49 409

10/10/2009 21:53

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 5 924

24/08/2013 14:55

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 424

You deserved it 3 552

17/02/2010 07:39

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 2 587

23/10/2011 05:45

Spicy

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 515

You deserved it 20 983

04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 224

You deserved it 340

12/10/2015 00:27

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 400

You deserved it 4 209

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Top comments

SasaCeceGogo 18

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:05

Let me guess, does metal relax her as well?

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:05

OK, that is kinda tough, but don't stop laughing. In fact, laugh MORE so that she'll get used to it. I knew a ababy boy like this, he outgrew it with lots of exposure :)

Comments

SasaCeceGogo 18

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:05

Let me guess, does metal relax her as well?

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:05

OK, that is kinda tough, but don't stop laughing. In fact, laugh MORE so that she'll get used to it. I knew a ababy boy like this, he outgrew it with lots of exposure :)

SmuggletheBudgie 15

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Saturday 12 October 2013 13:01

yeah exposure is the best course of action babies are like sponges so they can get overwhelmed by everything being so new and foreign.

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Saturday 12 October 2013 16:38

Or try classical conditioning

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Saturday 12 October 2013 16:42

Maybe conditioning is the problem. If you tend to laugh when you're surprised, the baby will associate the sound with danger.

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Saturday 12 October 2013 16:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

iLike2Teabag 27

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Saturday 12 October 2013 21:21

#39 good idea. Maybe if we taser every child abuse jokester on FML, there would be fewer crappy jokes.

TurtleLightning 7

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Wednesday 6 August 2014 18:29

I would say tie her to a chair an laugh in her face

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:06

Dont worry OP, i know babies who are scared of their own fart. Your baby will get over your laughter soon.

jw90 18

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:34

@ 7 it's actually quite common. A lot of babies are scared of a lot of things at first. You've just got to get them used to it.

Jocgre 13

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:08

:( sorry OP

niftyismybitch 21

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:12

Are you Janice from friends ?

NoFlippinWai 24

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Saturday 12 October 2013 13:40

or Fran Dreshier (sp) her laugh terrifies me and I am 24.

perdix 29

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Saturday 12 October 2013 14:35

Daphne from Seinfeld? "like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer."

perdix 29

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Saturday 12 October 2013 16:05

Oops, I meant Naomi. Thanks for the catch ;)

juststephhere 23

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:25

That's cruelly really sad! Maybe laugh a tad quieter?

nnnope 26

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Saturday 12 October 2013 15:19

how is it cruel? OR sad? it's just a baby being a baby. jebus.

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:25

You could try laughing like Spongebob or Mandark. Shouldn't take long for you to get into the habit.

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Saturday 12 October 2013 16:32

hahaha hahahahaha. hahaha hahahahaha

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Sunday 13 October 2013 12:16

That comment with that profile pic. (Y)

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

xxthexmisfitxx 25

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Saturday 12 October 2013 14:04

someone else flag this down! I accidentally thumbed it up and it won't go down Dx

nnnope 26

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Saturday 12 October 2013 15:21

not sure if talking about the comment or priapism

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:35

my son used to do that with clapping. loud noises can startle them. i wouldnt worry too much OP

jw90 18

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Saturday 12 October 2013 12:35

Your baby will eventually get used to hearing it OP. Especially if you laugh everyday. Don't let it depress you.