Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 299

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 125

22/05/2013 17:40

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 479

You deserved it 13 956

Walk the line

Cute trick, asshole

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

25/07/2011 04:14

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 927

You deserved it 3 564

04/08/2009 23:25

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 451

You deserved it 7 946

26/07/2019 22:00

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 309

18/10/2016 06:33

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 583

You deserved it 795

18/06/2016 21:19

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 610

You deserved it 4 807

18/01/2017 09:01

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 093

You deserved it 871

04/10/2015 23:34

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 197

You deserved it 1 930

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 139

Booted

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 07:32

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 3 354

Hypochondriacs of the world unite!

By Jason Brazil - 20/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 118

24/12/2009 00:29

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 5 390

08/12/2012 09:28

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 4 124

23/01/2015 07:39

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 086

You deserved it 5 566

09/03/2012 22:58

Spicy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 1 312

14/10/2009 13:39

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 262

You deserved it 9 628

Litter

By MrSlav - 12/11/2020 17:57

Today, I rubbed my heel raw with a new shoe, so I put a bandaid on and went to the pool. A few minutes later, I noticed the bandaid floating close to me. I'm not an ass so I quickly fished it out and put in the pocket of my swimming trunks. Later, I went to shower and noticed that my bandaid was still on my heel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 150

25/05/2016 11:28

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 645

You deserved it 2 641

It's complicated

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 22:02

Today, my partner of 5 years broke up with me via text. We were talking about starting a family just last week. We have a foster puppy together and moved into a new house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 81

23/07/2017 19:55

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 104

You deserved it 1 874

23/08/2013 18:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 237

You deserved it 4 006

11/07/2011 10:53

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 444

You deserved it 6 711

17/01/2014 12:49

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 713

You deserved it 9 129

26/11/2011 20:50

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 324

You deserved it 9 538

29/11/2010 14:22

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 941

You deserved it 3 232

13/08/2015 09:58

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 708

You deserved it 1 755

13/11/2015 07:06

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 848

You deserved it 1 718

28/05/2009 01:40

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 621

You deserved it 4 972

21/07/2016 15:25

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 1 284

23/04/2012 05:50

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 2 088

13/06/2010 07:48

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 088

You deserved it 3 544

22/03/2015 22:32

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 231

You deserved it 8 605

Faint praise

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 12:02

Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 65

07/10/2010 10:10

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 442

You deserved it 3 246

Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 19/09/2013 17:32

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 805

You deserved it 3 305

27/09/2009 04:30

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 663

You deserved it 4 459

Life of Brian

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 05:02

Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 4 132

29/07/2012 05:27

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 905

You deserved it 5 047

14/10/2009 09:20

Spicy

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 906

You deserved it 2 741

15/11/2009 15:45

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 255

You deserved it 38 546

Fortunate Son

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 23:35

Today, I had a look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 849

You deserved it 1 951

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Top comments

BubbleGrunge 18

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:30

No shame in having a little toe hair! I let them cut mine too when I get my pedi, but they don't charge me extra! That is a little much! Enjoy your pretty toes OP!

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:31

Everyone has toe hair OP. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Comments

BubbleGrunge 18

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:30

No shame in having a little toe hair! I let them cut mine too when I get my pedi, but they don't charge me extra! That is a little much! Enjoy your pretty toes OP!

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:40

Especially since they should have let OP know that they would charge extra for it!

laurenlovesjb 20

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:40

Yes, pretty much everyone has some toe hair, mine is black like my hair on my head! Don't be insecure, let it be trimmed and it's no big deal:) But that is kinda unusual to have that be an extra charge!

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Thursday 23 May 2013 0:13

I dye mine blue, just to keep them wondering.

BubbleGrunge 18

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Thursday 23 May 2013 0:43

I'm gonna do that next time, 35! Lol

angeluv_2014 22

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Thursday 23 May 2013 1:30

That happens to me too!! I can never understand what they are saying so I just nod and the bill goes up... :(

MyNameIsViet 15

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Thursday 23 May 2013 8:16

Looks like you might have been ripped off there OP.

klovemachine 24

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

yetanotherginger 19

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:46

They asked if she wanted an extra service, she said yes, they charged her for the extra service. Where's the problem?

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Thursday 23 May 2013 1:34

They always do that at beauty salons. They ask you like it's free when it's not. That's why you should always ask the price before saying yes.

klovemachine 24

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Thursday 23 May 2013 2:12

I meant that trimming toe hairs doesn't seem like a usual service (given the OP's reaction)

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Thursday 23 May 2013 5:06

I was tricked at a strip club like that once. "Hey, want a lap dance?" "Umm, sure." -gives me two, & when finished says- "40$ bucks a pop" Then again, my naïveté may have gotten the best of me. I thought she liked me.

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:31

Everyone has toe hair OP. Nothing to be ashamed of.

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:40

I think it might just be a standard option with the pedicure, not the beautician remarking on how hairy OP's toes are.

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Thursday 23 May 2013 22:31

#41, I never said the beautician said OP had hairy toes. I said the OP thought the beautician said she had hairy toes. Damnit Kim, get your shit together.

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Thursday 23 May 2013 22:34

Shave

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:33

I think everyone has toe hair... I do. But I shave it. I'm surprised they charged you extra. So FYL for the extra charge. But I wouldn't worry about the toe hair. It's normal. Just shave it when you shave your legs.

botanistjessica 24

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Thursday 23 May 2013 1:30

I can picture my chopped off toe after I attempted to shave it. *shudders* I suck at shaving non-smooth places. The tops of my knees always have peach-fuzz cause I'm too scared I'm gonna end up cutting myself and bleeding to death.

rocker_chick105 31

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Thursday 23 May 2013 1:57

Silly dogs, you can't shave!

kylaesthetics 7

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Thursday 23 May 2013 3:21

Spend more than $1 on a razor and you won't have that problem!

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Thursday 23 May 2013 9:22

47 shaving your knees with them bent fully stretches out the skin and makes it easier to shave. Shaving with your leg extended is difficult.

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Thursday 23 May 2013 17:15

Is this really common to have hairy feet? My husband has a little but I didn't think girls do.... Thank god I'm descendent of Sweden and Germany my fine ultra light thin hair wins again!

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:34

Op's name. haha Classic!

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Thursday 23 May 2013 4:06

They've taken OP to Isengard!

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:35

Everyone has a little peachfuzz! They should have told you that it was extra. I don't think nail salons have any legal right to have trimmers or anything though?

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Thursday 23 May 2013 0:16

Legal right? Don't most nail salons offer eyebrow and waxing services? Having trimmers is no big deal.

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Thursday 23 May 2013 12:19

Is it weird that I dont have any toe hair?

Funkymunky1511 4

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:35

At least you have pretty toe now op..:)

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:36

Everyone has toe hair. No worries there, op. but charging you extra is out of control ridiculous.

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:36

You could have been "The Lord of the Ring" bearer. :P

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Wednesday 22 May 2013 23:37

Don't worry op, toe hairs are normal even for a hobbit. As you can see in my pic, I have lots of toe hairs. I think they are sexy ;)

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Thursday 23 May 2013 0:00

I see a cat in your profile pic. Unless you glue cats to your toes, I don't see the relevance.

HannahLouise96 13

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Thursday 23 May 2013 7:46

28 - *Whoosh*