Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

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Time for the ER

Trust

Property law

By notworthit - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

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By sam - 2/12/2020 23:01

Connecting people

Today, I learned that the person my ex-girlfriend left me for is my ex-girlfriend from before her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockwall

User notice

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

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By Kenton

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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By Tony - United States

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

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By Insomnia

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

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By bubblebuttfuckfart - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 14:00

Libel

Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

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By fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed 'Oh my god!' for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a tv into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

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By Pantsontheground - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

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By itrustedsnapeallalong - United States

Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML

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By lolwut - United States - Albany

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

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By Guessmyproffhatesme

Today, in exams to become a funeral director, my full name was used as the example of the deceased in a few questions. Actually, 22 questions. FML

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By apaterra - United States

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

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By please don’t - 8/6/2020 02:00

The Big Book of Baby Names

Today, I had to explain to my sister in law why it’s a terrible idea to name her baby Aryan just because she likes the way it sounds. We’re all African Americans, but she still doesn’t see the issue with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 17:02

Wise kid

Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML

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By Alfie4 - United Kingdom

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horse-shit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

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By ugh thanks - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

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By inappropes

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

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By Akestarr - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

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By EnderHorse - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML

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By yeah hun i think insects arent animals too - Germany - Leipzig

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

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By misi

Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML

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By dunicha - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

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By frame - Canada

Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 02:01

Revelations

Today, I got a message from a woman. It was my boyfriend of five years' ex-girlfriend, telling me that she’s pregnant with his baby and that they’ve been together for a year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

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By ToddesPizza - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

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By matiasbarbero - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

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By cay - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

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By SunBed - 11/5/2020 17:00

Soaked

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

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By Wife - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

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By kitty - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

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By Princess - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

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Top comments

By TheZee | 12

#4389714 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:22

What the hell is wrong with your mom o_O?

Edit: I say on her anniversary offer to take pictures and make sure it's all of your dad and your mom is in the background :D!!!

By jerseyboy732 | 16

#4389730 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:30

who the hell takes photos of someone watching another person open presents?

COMMENTS

By hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389713 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:22

Time to be a brown noser..

Reply

noto_fml | 0

#4389760 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:40

Did you just find out what that phrase means and was so eager to use it that you jumped at the opportunity???

You probably can't think that up, you just wanted to be first so bad and chose a new fancy phrase you heard.

Reply

lukep135 | 6

#4389793 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:48

U mad bro?

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389798 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:48

Hatres gon' hate

Reply

Cloudberry | 10

#4389808 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:51

*haters

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389810 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:51

*haters

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389825 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:53

It's cute how much haters hate over a clever first comment, and then all the ones to come after it.

Reply

Cloudberry | 10

#4389835 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:55

That was a clever first comment? You must be new.

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389842 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:56

Thanks for proving my point. (: keep hating, your jealous brightens my day.

Reply

teague95 | 16

#4389844 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:56

1 - the FML in your photo seems familiar. Hmm........

Reply

Roevera | 14

#4389848 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:58

Its pretty bad when you're so proud of your first comment you make it your profile picture..

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389852 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:59

Roevera..my picture is of me and my friend?

Reply

teague95 | 16

#4389860 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:01

32 - now it is, it was a screen shot of this FML and your first comment

Reply

Roevera | 14

#4389864 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:01

Cause you just changed it dipshit. Obviously the comment above me noticed it too.

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389869 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:02

Guys, just leave me alone. You're acting like children..it's just a first comment on fml..

Reply

teague95 | 16

#4389881 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:05

yes it is just a first comment and you made it your picture that's why we're laughing at you

Reply

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#4389886 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:07

K

By TheZee | 12

#4389714 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:22

What the hell is wrong with your mom o_O?

Edit: I say on her anniversary offer to take pictures and make sure it's all of your dad and your mom is in the background :D!!!

Reply

katiedoll6 | 7

#4389927 - Friday 4 May 2012 9:31

Exactly see how she likes it

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#4390012 - Friday 4 May 2012 10:55

Sorry to thread jack and look like a d-bag, but how do you edit comments? I don't see anything when I am on the computer. Thumb me down if you wish but I was jw.

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#4390047 - Friday 4 May 2012 11:13

And all this time i thought it was hard.

Reply

CanWeMicrowaveIt | 11

#4390487 - Friday 4 May 2012 16:14

Ge caJust a thought, but it's been a few weeks, it's very likely she exported the pictures of you and deleted them off the camera? It's an automatic process controlled by a checkbox when importing them to a computer so it's highly possible!

Reply

mrmerino | 0

#4390630 - Friday 4 May 2012 16:43

No no. Anniversary involves mom and dad. Offer to take pictures of the anniversary, and be sure to capture your aunt or something.

Reply

Talkryz | 7

#4390667 - Friday 4 May 2012 16:51

Or of himself and her in the background

Reply

alexisrocks16 | 0

#4398290 - Sunday 6 May 2012 20:01

Ahah that will show her -_-

Reply

djsammyc | 19

#5767653 - Monday 25 November 2013 15:13

this is a very good idea

By Ekh0es | 36

#4389719 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:25

Well. At least you got cake and presents?

By felisaa | 5

#4389720 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:25

Aww i'm sorry op, what a horrible thing for your mom to do on your birthday. :(

By VictoriaSchultz | 8

#4389729 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:29

Damn. I'd be mad if my mom only cared of the memories of my sister rather than my own. Especially on my birthday!!

By jerseyboy732 | 16

#4389730 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:30

who the hell takes photos of someone watching another person open presents?

Reply

Michael_92 | 20

#4390015 - Friday 4 May 2012 10:57

Stalkers

Reply

jannielovesjack | 0

#4390154 - Friday 4 May 2012 12:35

Someone who must not like their child whom is receiving the presents, and in this case it was OP.

Reply

guitarbeast | 22

#4391245 - Friday 4 May 2012 20:24

At least she wasn't making a video while commenting things like "awe look a her watch her sister open presents" "look at her watch her sister blow out the candles"

Reply

pokefan813 | 16

#4393761 - Saturday 5 May 2012 14:25

Apearently op's mom does. xD

Reply

fantasyworld | 37

#6003517 - Thursday 10 July 2014 2:00

A picture of a bored person just sitting there, that picture would be boring.

By IcyWeiner | 0

#4389733 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:31

Should've had your own party. Jello shots beat cake any day, hands down.

Happy belated birthday :-/

By LookOnBrightSide | 12

#4389740 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:34

Solution: Photobomb all your sister's pictures when it is her birthday. OP, I'm sorry you didn't get any pictures taken, but just remember that you take the cake in the better sibling contest.

By kickuwithmyfist | 1

#4389745 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:38

Was the cake good!?

By lilmissepicfail | 0

#4389754 - Friday 4 May 2012 8:38

yikes