Health: Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in...

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26045

You deserved it

3974

Favorite

Health

Impatience

Mr Sensitivity

OK, well, goodbye

By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42801

You deserved it

7796

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77477

You deserved it

3144

Favorite

By oakley

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9392

You deserved it

747

Favorite

By realnotimaginary

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8081

You deserved it

510

Favorite

By That escalated quickly.

Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner's decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3883

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26401

You deserved it

4258

Favorite

By Kali - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31049

You deserved it

2272

Favorite

By Marcella_03 - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27675

You deserved it

15930

Favorite

By Canadagirl

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4165

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By bottomdrawerraider - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29901

You deserved it

12127

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38004

You deserved it

3246

Favorite

By hockey - United Kingdom

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32829

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By EmbarrassedBather

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1878

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By Anonymous

Smooth

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1438

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1111

You deserved it

730

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41881

You deserved it

11764

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4180

You deserved it

541

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

169991

You deserved it

7481

Favorite

By creepedasfuck - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31067

You deserved it

2360

Favorite

By worried - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17666

You deserved it

55168

Favorite

By spleechick - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18273

You deserved it

24546

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23028

You deserved it

1699

Favorite

By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13179

You deserved it

84995

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3177

You deserved it

403

Favorite

By hesitator - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Sex vs. housework

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4804

You deserved it

983

Favorite

By nhanley1 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks

65579

You deserved it

6214

Favorite

By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9460

You deserved it

617

Favorite

By Anonymouse - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34520

You deserved it

4769

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50699

You deserved it

9603

Favorite

By FootinMouth - United States - Louisville

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32418

You deserved it

54453

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43264

You deserved it

4158

Favorite

By Gray_Kitty - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11607

You deserved it

748

Favorite

By poop - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42543

You deserved it

19464

Favorite

By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33898

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By Bad Mum? - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2349

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20959

You deserved it

9804

Favorite

By anon - United States - Georgetown

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35771

You deserved it

2456

Favorite

By cass - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12552

You deserved it

5073

Favorite

By WhyTheFNot - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41375

You deserved it

9273

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Piedmont

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32769

You deserved it

51174

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lonesomeXheartbr | 0

#1442452 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:18

you were counting your steps?

By Norwegian_Wood | 4

#1442554 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:23

Good for you, for trying to get in shape. I know this has probably turned you off running for a while, so once you're feeling better, try something else! Don't give up!

COMMENTS

By mikerin69 | 0

#1442436 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:13

dam you really fail at life.... atleast you didn't get stitches =D

boyguydudemalema | 0

#1442467 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:24

dude, it was an accident, just because u slipped and got owned badly, doesn't mean he fails at life.

ManBearP1g | 0

#1442473 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:30

if he gets owned by moss and pavement I'm pretty sure that's a fail.

doink | 0

#1442493 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:40

No, it's not. It's called "an accident".

DudeImBetter | 0

#1442518 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:57

would you be surprised if you can run crooked tomorrow or no.

guckylynn | 19

#1442591 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:32

I'm thinking he kinda fails at life for just trying to pick up running. that's something you work up to so ydi op.

nates0210 | 0

#1442618 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:42

he won't be able to walk straight tomorrow because he was anally raped by the sidewalk.

Slappyzezima | 0

#1442630 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:45

you probably just bruzed your hip you fucking pussy. a real man would have got up and kept running.

tweetbaby14 | 17

#1442661 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:52

uh huh and I'm suprised that you can still type after going through such an ordeal... unless you're lying that is.

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1442858 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 22:34

only in japan....

lalagirl912 | 0

#1443170 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:25

it was an accident! Just like how #1 was born! ;)

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1443283 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:54

this happend to me in the summer. except I sprained my ankle.

iHOOT4Hooters | 0

#1445338 - Thursday 23 September 2010 4:17

It's okay OP. If you can make it 9 steps, then you might be able to make it 10 steps, so keep trying!

boveah | 0

#1448112 - Thursday 23 September 2010 17:04

how can he walk with a broken hip? : S

IscoreOnU | 19

#2407824 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 6:26

I've done that shit on a bike before. damn moss almost broke my jaw and sliced my lip open. FYL For sure

itssnotfunny | 24

#6542281 - Monday 22 February 2016 3:25

he said almost broke his hip, I got confused too.

By yafuckyourlife | 4

#1442443 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:16

haha dumb!

ur1ifesucks | 0

#1442913 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 23:08

this person derserves it for counting their steps when they run

ntherewas1 | 11

#3384017 - Tuesday 4 October 2011 2:36

I know. Why do people insist on starting out so rough? I began just walking, then skipping out in the backyard. Then you can move onto running, or in my case, using the elliptical (not sure how you spell that one).