Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in...

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 12:11 - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

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Health

Understandable

Sounds like a catch

A beautiful truck decoration

By Big bootay - 28/1/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year old son pointed to a lady and exclaimed “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML.

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By hiker - 29/3/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

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By Annienomous - 9/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

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By kittykat - 8/8/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

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By XoXonedirectionXoXo - 23/6/2012 22:21 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

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By brebre101 - 31/7/2011 09:05 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2013 04:24 - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

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By BaMiTsAnYa - 16/9/2013 01:21 - United States - Orlando

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2016 23:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 17:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

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By anyoi - 25/4/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

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By BudmaudeY - 31/3/2011 20:53 - Sweden

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

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By HereForJAMMF - 9/11/2016 17:50

Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

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By King.Dick. - 2/4/2015 14:21 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

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By stillaproudfather - 22/5/2014 19:24 - United States

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML

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By DDubs - 8/1/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

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By ImilkedYourMom - 3/5/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

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By drreeeewwww - 25/11/2014 20:44 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my dog likes to howl when he hears sirens. I live next to the fire station. FML

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By darknight - 21/7/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

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By OhDear - 24/2/2011 20:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. FML

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By taptheturtle - 12/4/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

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By N O - 27/5/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

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By anon - 11/5/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

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By workerbee - 9/8/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

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By fired - 13/5/2012 06:26 - United States - Portland

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

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By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/2/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

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By Good Parenting? - 26/6/2015 16:38 - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

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By Gaz47 - 27/7/2018 19:00

Today, I was online dating and a girl from high school messaged me. Thinking she might have matured since we're now in our 40's, I messaged back. She then said it was a joke and that I'm still a desperate, pathetic nerd trying to score with the hottest girl in class. FML

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By anonymous - 24/3/2016 03:02

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

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By facepalm - 28/12/2010 10:35 - Singapore

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

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By olyswimmer - 3/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

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By sarahpft - 13/9/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, my parents told me they wouldn't be able to afford my senior portraits. That was fine with me, until I found some expensive professional photos in the mail. Of our dog. FML

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By Not Wanted - 7/9/2014 01:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

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By ohhhemmgee - 6/9/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

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Top comments

By lonesomeXheartbr | 0

#1442452 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:18

you were counting your steps?

By Norwegian_Wood | 4

#1442554 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:23

Good for you, for trying to get in shape. I know this has probably turned you off running for a while, so once you're feeling better, try something else! Don't give up!

COMMENTS

By mikerin69 | 0

#1442436 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:13

dam you really fail at life.... atleast you didn't get stitches =D

boyguydudemalema | 0

#1442467 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:24

dude, it was an accident, just because u slipped and got owned badly, doesn't mean he fails at life.

ManBearP1g | 0

#1442473 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:30

if he gets owned by moss and pavement I'm pretty sure that's a fail.

doink | 0

#1442493 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:40

No, it's not. It's called "an accident".

DudeImBetter | 0

#1442518 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:57

would you be surprised if you can run crooked tomorrow or no.

guckylynn | 19

#1442591 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:32

I'm thinking he kinda fails at life for just trying to pick up running. that's something you work up to so ydi op.

nates0210 | 0

#1442618 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:42

he won't be able to walk straight tomorrow because he was anally raped by the sidewalk.

Slappyzezima | 0

#1442630 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:45

you probably just bruzed your hip you fucking pussy. a real man would have got up and kept running.

tweetbaby14 | 17

#1442661 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:52

uh huh and I'm suprised that you can still type after going through such an ordeal... unless you're lying that is.

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1442858 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 22:34

only in japan....

lalagirl912 | 0

#1443170 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:25

it was an accident! Just like how #1 was born! ;)

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1443283 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:54

this happend to me in the summer. except I sprained my ankle.

iHOOT4Hooters | 0

#1445338 - Thursday 23 September 2010 4:17

It's okay OP. If you can make it 9 steps, then you might be able to make it 10 steps, so keep trying!

boveah | 0

#1448112 - Thursday 23 September 2010 17:04

how can he walk with a broken hip? : S

IscoreOnU | 19

#2407824 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 6:26

I've done that shit on a bike before. damn moss almost broke my jaw and sliced my lip open. FYL For sure

itssnotfunny | 24

#6542281 - Monday 22 February 2016 3:25

he said almost broke his hip, I got confused too.

By yafuckyourlife | 4

#1442443 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:16

haha dumb!

ur1ifesucks | 0

#1442913 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 23:08

this person derserves it for counting their steps when they run

ntherewas1 | 11

#3384017 - Tuesday 4 October 2011 2:36

I know. Why do people insist on starting out so rough? I began just walking, then skipping out in the backyard. Then you can move onto running, or in my case, using the elliptical (not sure how you spell that one).