Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in...

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 12:11 - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

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Health

Does it taste good?

Compassion

Headache

By Anonymous - 1/7/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

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By lmaoLOSER - 2/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

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By fuckingdieyouoldhag - 20/5/2014 20:08 - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 18:28 - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 14:00

Littered

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

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By onemoredonut - 3/5/2016 01:39 - United States - Herndon

Today, while directing traffic in uniform, I tripped over a traffic cone and fell straight on my butt in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

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By dmachin - 8/2/2010 19:30 - France

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

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By hotdogbunz - 23/1/2018 19:00

Today, my coworker was supposed to pick me up to go to a work event as my car is broken. I waited 3 hours and he never showed. After he arrived late to the event due to traffic, he told my boss that he waited for me and I never came out. Guess who's unemployed now. FML

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By trisha - 16/7/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

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By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/2/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

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By wooowmom - 5/6/2011 01:10 - Canada

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

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By nick - 6/3/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

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By anonymous - 8/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

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By Kbizz - 3/6/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and its not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

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By Username - 25/9/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

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By sad_unicorn - 19/4/2017 06:00 - Australia - Yagoona

The Intruder

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

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By avalanche719 - 26/8/2010 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

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By Fag_Hag - 6/2/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

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By MGDS - 14/12/2013 05:52 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

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By SetoAyumi - 15/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

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By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

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By halfasleep - 27/3/2012 14:00 - United States - New Haven

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2018 14:30

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

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By drunkennight - 23/11/2009 03:45 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

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By Jes - 28/6/2016 00:44

Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By hobbit - 22/5/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

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By :( - 30/5/2013 21:18 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

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By Noname - 5/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

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By tom28402 - 22/2/2015 23:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I competed in a Tae Kwon Do competition. I came third with my team in the sparring event. My mum said as a joke, "Were there only 3 teams?" There were. FML

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By Username - 28/9/2010 16:16 - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

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By Squid - 7/11/2012 05:11 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

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By Evaki1 - 13/6/2011 14:24 - Greece

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

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By grossedout - 29/8/2013 16:26 - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

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By Megan - 23/2/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

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By Lesley - 17/2/2009 01:11 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

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By bleurghh - 31/12/2011 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

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By Omar Khalaf - 28/9/2017 01:30

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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Top comments

By lonesomeXheartbr | 0

#1442452 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:18

you were counting your steps?

By Norwegian_Wood | 4

#1442554 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:23

Good for you, for trying to get in shape. I know this has probably turned you off running for a while, so once you're feeling better, try something else! Don't give up!

Comments

By mikerin69 | 0

#1442436 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:13

dam you really fail at life.... atleast you didn't get stitches =D

boyguydudemalema | 0

#1442467 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:24

dude, it was an accident, just because u slipped and got owned badly, doesn't mean he fails at life.

ManBearP1g | 0

#1442473 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:30

if he gets owned by moss and pavement I'm pretty sure that's a fail.

doink | 0

#1442493 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:40

No, it's not. It's called "an accident".

DudeImBetter | 0

#1442518 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:57

would you be surprised if you can run crooked tomorrow or no.

guckylynn | 19

#1442591 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:32

I'm thinking he kinda fails at life for just trying to pick up running. that's something you work up to so ydi op.

nates0210 | 0

#1442618 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:42

he won't be able to walk straight tomorrow because he was anally raped by the sidewalk.

Slappyzezima | 0

#1442630 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:45

you probably just bruzed your hip you fucking pussy. a real man would have got up and kept running.

tweetbaby14 | 17

#1442661 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 20:52

uh huh and I'm suprised that you can still type after going through such an ordeal... unless you're lying that is.

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1442858 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 22:34

only in japan....

lalagirl912 | 0

#1443170 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:25

it was an accident! Just like how #1 was born! ;)

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1443283 - Thursday 23 September 2010 0:54

this happend to me in the summer. except I sprained my ankle.

iHOOT4Hooters | 0

#1445338 - Thursday 23 September 2010 4:17

It's okay OP. If you can make it 9 steps, then you might be able to make it 10 steps, so keep trying!

boveah | 0

#1448112 - Thursday 23 September 2010 17:04

how can he walk with a broken hip? : S

IscoreOnU | 19

#2407824 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 6:26

I've done that shit on a bike before. damn moss almost broke my jaw and sliced my lip open. FYL For sure

itssnotfunny | 24

#6542281 - Monday 22 February 2016 3:25

he said almost broke his hip, I got confused too.

By yafuckyourlife | 4

#1442443 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 19:16

haha dumb!

ur1ifesucks | 0

#1442913 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 23:08

this person derserves it for counting their steps when they run

ntherewas1 | 11

#3384017 - Tuesday 4 October 2011 2:36

I know. Why do people insist on starting out so rough? I began just walking, then skipping out in the backyard. Then you can move onto running, or in my case, using the elliptical (not sure how you spell that one).