Health: Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym.... - FML

By tbw - 12/01/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 5 788

Own it

You tried

Team Insomnia

By Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Spicy

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 031

You deserved it 2 870

By why - 04/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 284

You deserved it 383

By brokeaf - 11/07/2011 19:09 - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 876

You deserved it 52 462

By Flandre - 23/12/2018 11:55

Today, I gave over $100 to my online friend in presents for Christmas, only to find out he can't use any because of his strict parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 395

You deserved it 4 507

By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 32 124

By jordan.marie97 - 09/08/2015 06:27 - Australia

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 712

You deserved it 1 664

By knock_out - 16/07/2010 01:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 793

You deserved it 4 868

By CivE - 25/01/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 967

You deserved it 38 149

By logansowow - 25/08/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 796

You deserved it 898

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 477

You deserved it 3 464

By fock - 07/05/2012 02:03 - Canada - Almonte

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 251

You deserved it 5 293

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 127

By ProudMama - 08/01/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 3 231

By transfer - 03/06/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 680

You deserved it 4 736

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 098

You deserved it 45 499

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 384

You deserved it 15 163

By bob the builder - 08/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 1 725

By EllieS9311 - 16/02/2016 13:16 - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 3 054

By Foreveralone - 09/04/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 2 976

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 234

By LonelyShowers - 04/07/2012 05:36 - United States - Mission Hills

Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 102

You deserved it 4 027

Rise and shine

By Noname - 18/03/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say, "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so I replied, "What time is it? When is this fucking class going to be over?" it wasn't my boyfriend talking. It was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 103

You deserved it 84 659

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 99 144

By Anonymous - 06/06/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 913

You deserved it 3 238

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 373

You deserved it 132

By itzcorinnelove - 18/08/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 106

You deserved it 12 711

By Ari - 16/01/2013 06:36

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 564

You deserved it 3 139

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 2 295

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 242

Bro moment

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 11:00

Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 289

You deserved it 5 796

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 07:09 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 722

You deserved it 5 563

Reality is weirder than fiction

By Broken Arm - 06/12/2020 14:01

Today, I found out that while it is unlikely you'll break your arm by catching it in the door, it is perfectly possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 58

Hammertime

By ticketed - 02/07/2017 00:00

Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 210

You deserved it 10 054

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 1 580

By beekeke45 - 25/06/2011 13:39 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 689

You deserved it 67 515

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 76 156

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 5 848

By RebekahBrooke - 17/09/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 090

You deserved it 2 630

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Top comments

ChaosAngel17 14

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:15

You don't have to go to the gym right away. Start off by walking or getting a small weight set for home. Take baby steps :)

SilentTreatment 7

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:12

Try something else other than that machine. Don't let one machine stop you. Cardio classes, treadmill, etc. Everybody has to start off somewhere.

Comments

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Thursday 12 January 2012 8:57

That's sad

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:09

Fff. I hit send before I finished writing and it wouldn't let me edit. That's bad*. You should probably start easy and work your way up, since you probably haven't been doing exercise previous to that. I know that when I started, I felt tired super fast. But eventually, I built up.

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:14

Not as sad as your fake anime character ugly

BarDownDaily 12

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Thursday 12 January 2012 10:36

What's sad is judging someone who is actually trying to make an effort to get into shape.

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Thursday 12 January 2012 10:50

OP needs to realize that the Elliptical is only one of perhaps 6 cardio machines in her gym (mine has six different ones anyway) and to not be discouraged by getting sick on the Elliptical! Hell, if OP can't do any of the cardio machines, just lifting weights will burn calories and improve OP's musculature overall! Keep pushing yourself OP. The only easy day was yesterday, or some bullshit encouragement like that.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Thursday 12 January 2012 13:47

Everyone is at a different fitness level and can handle different things, so don't feel too bad. It's really underrated, but walking is a great and simple form of exercise. The important thing is to be moving period. I could barely walk a block, now I'm running 2 miles for rotc...so you will get there eventually.

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Thursday 12 January 2012 13:58

There are other ways to firm up your ass that don't involve motion sickness inducing machines. I'm sure the trainers at the gym could show OP some floor exercises that would work just as well.

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Saturday 14 January 2012 8:26

#39 looks like the last guy I would want anywhere near My ass. Run, OP, run!

ChaoticQuiet 11

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Tuesday 24 June 2014 9:33

Musculature XD Muscularity

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Thursday 12 January 2012 8:58

Go running:)

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Thursday 12 January 2012 12:28

Just keep trying different things till you find something that works :)

SoccerForTheWin 5

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Friday 13 January 2012 5:00

Or try not to be a fatass

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Friday 13 January 2012 5:24

Or you could try not to be such a B****

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:01

Try the bike?

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Thursday 12 January 2012 14:20

Bikes are easier. Though it takes more time to burn calories. My blood iron always drops and I get dizzy fast so I understand. Good luck with future work outs!

suckmyrainboww 0

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Saturday 14 January 2012 15:08

You're cute.(:

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:01

Why do u wear yoga pants are planning on actually doing yoga?

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:02

Uhh wrong FML #4?

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:06

the hell? does that mean you pass out while walking on occasion?

BikeAllDay818 6

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:10

Take it slow, of you're really over weight or really out of shape you'll hurt yourself by pushing too hard.

BIGBOY4rmAHM 19

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:11

You should take motion sickness pills next time you go.

SilentTreatment 7

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Thursday 12 January 2012 9:12

Try something else other than that machine. Don't let one machine stop you. Cardio classes, treadmill, etc. Everybody has to start off somewhere.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 January 2012 9:12

Just keep trying things and you will eventually find something that works. Don't give up though!!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 2 206

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 193