Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head... - FML

By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13919

You deserved it

41332

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Instadrama

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1393

You deserved it

3531

Tweet

Share

By sevenshotmovie - 21/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Sheffield

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3001

You deserved it

490

Tweet

Share

By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33134

You deserved it

2900

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 29/8/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31407

You deserved it

2463

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten - 11/3/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3077

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By Thatgirl - 14/4/2019 20:00

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1875

You deserved it

242

Tweet

Share

By anon - 30/6/2020 08:02

Parenting

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1410

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By reality_stricken - 4/11/2009 14:00 - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36326

You deserved it

8039

Tweet

Share

By Nick - 3/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24088

You deserved it

3401

Tweet

Share

By Marou - 25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25251

You deserved it

10999

Tweet

Share

By fatty - 3/8/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37003

You deserved it

7378

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 24/10/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41517

You deserved it

4050

Tweet

Share

By Lizzielollipop816 - 18/2/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32946

You deserved it

3600

Tweet

Share

By fatass - 20/4/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31408

You deserved it

7832

Tweet

Share

By popasquat - 4/12/2018 12:00

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2172

You deserved it

646

Tweet

Share

By jessye1182 - 11/5/2012 23:16 - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22593

You deserved it

6204

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2012 19:35

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30408

You deserved it

3998

Tweet

Share

By thankshun13 - 7/9/2012 02:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancé told me that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman repulsed him. I'm pregnant. He's glad he got that off his chest FML

I agree, your life sucks

30453

You deserved it

4190

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 9/8/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30103

You deserved it

3139

Tweet

Share

By AJShow80 - 13/4/2009 08:51 - United States

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

122968

You deserved it

18157

Tweet

Share

By FMAhole - 12/2/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33612

You deserved it

4114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2009 16:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19858

You deserved it

55739

Tweet

Share

By tiredofcrazy - 18/3/2014 09:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61632

You deserved it

7409

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15381

You deserved it

58604

Tweet

Share

By -_- - 30/8/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48926

You deserved it

4051

Tweet

Share

By PissedAtLife - 23/2/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31284

You deserved it

3149

Tweet

Share

By bosssssssss765432 - 16/5/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50778

You deserved it

9705

Tweet

Share

By sadgirl - 24/8/2019 09:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1756

You deserved it

153

Tweet

Share

By AwkwardPotato - 2/7/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43791

You deserved it

3734

Tweet

Share

By "leahkasscar" - 11/5/2019 12:00

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Lonely, I am so lonely - 12/6/2016 13:41 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13938

You deserved it

874

Tweet

Share

By divorce? i think so - 21/7/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34140

You deserved it

3269

Tweet

Share

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - 1/1/2015 05:25 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31155

You deserved it

6829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 20:00

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

286

Tweet

Share

By seablue - 11/6/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54193

You deserved it

16460

Tweet

Share

By sopathetic - 26/2/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57828

You deserved it

21969

Tweet

Share

By - 22/2/2020 18:00

My dear neighbor

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2102

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By Username - 27/6/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came before I'd even unbuttoned my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61264

You deserved it

7719

Tweet

Share

By yee-whore - 18/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43160

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9334

You deserved it

26830

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By haglette | 2

#1594508 - Sunday 24 October 2010 13:29

The downstairs tv room is so adventurous...

By yoonhee_fml | 0

#1594328 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:20

daddy's little girl lol

COMMENTS

By InDenial | 6

#1594312 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:16

Oh snap busted.

Reply

timma90 | 4

#1594324 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:19

More like he came and saw.

Reply

sukaaa | 0

#1594431 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:58

wow try a room next time with the door closed

Reply

allard | 14

#1594759 - Sunday 24 October 2010 14:58

Did someone say threesome?

LOL jokes guys, don't be hating for the jokes.

Reply

BelleElle_fml | 5

#1594792 - Sunday 24 October 2010 15:14

How is that "adventurous"?

Reply

jckbco | 0

#1594928 - Sunday 24 October 2010 15:59

I think the adventuresome part is that she was doing this with people in the house.., dies she really need to explain the back story for you?

Reply

cassiesaurus | 0

#1595610 - Sunday 24 October 2010 18:03

haha. ydi for doing it with a parent in the house. be more careful next time kiddo.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1595628 - Sunday 24 October 2010 18:05

Suck your dad off.

Reply

CiaranPM | 0

#1595680 - Sunday 24 October 2010 18:16

He came, he saw, he "oh shitted."

Reply

bravesfan112233 | 0

#1597379 - Monday 25 October 2010 1:15

"he came, he saw, he conquered" jay z

Reply

jewban | 3

#1598489 - Monday 25 October 2010 4:58

u should of had him cum then have him put a pillow over his dick and pretend that your chatting

Reply

aadk | 0

#1599888 - Monday 25 October 2010 10:57

Someone definitely busted... a nut haha

Reply

FrenchToast94 | 0

#1601979 - Monday 25 October 2010 17:14

roflmao!!!!

By doopeyh | 0

#1594326 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

valri3 | 0

#1594855 - Sunday 24 October 2010 15:34

Yea next time give him bottom. ;)

Reply

zem5 | 0

#1595470 - Sunday 24 October 2010 17:36

48 you can give me bottom anytime you want ;)

Reply

HahaHokayThen | 10

#1596600 - Sunday 24 October 2010 20:58

76 don't tell me that's your baby...

Reply

Nick_1993 | 2

#1596936 - Sunday 24 October 2010 22:42

106. that baby is to good looking to be his

Reply

corytheboss | 0

#1728934 - Saturday 20 November 2010 23:58

112 but she can be mine anytime ;)

Reply

kelseythompson | 27

#5470216 - Monday 29 April 2013 6:05

dumbasses

By yoonhee_fml | 0

#1594328 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:20

daddy's little girl lol

Reply

hottiewitdamesse | 8

#1596396 - Sunday 24 October 2010 20:13

ahahaha! i like thus!

By TheWhiteBunny | 3

#1594330 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:21

busted for busting a nut.

Reply

dannyswin | 0

#1595240 - Sunday 24 October 2010 16:49

win

Reply

crobcrob | 1

#1602837 - Monday 25 October 2010 20:51

win

Reply

JustJaredfied | 0

#1614284 - Thursday 28 October 2010 4:53

lol good on

Reply

chuksnwali | 34

#5967092 - Friday 6 June 2014 21:12

nice

By molil_4810 | 0

#1594347 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:23

you've been a bad girl!!

Reply

Moo_Horse | 0

#1595102 - Sunday 24 October 2010 16:26

nice pic

By Wirebiter | 0

#1594366 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:29

Did your dad and boyfriend high-five?

Reply

bman134 | 0

#1595221 - Sunday 24 October 2010 16:44

I was thinking that too but I think her dad would be pissed and his dad would high five

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#1595817 - Sunday 24 October 2010 18:38

67 Im not a gramer nazi but your gonna atract em. Me to. Jk. I love doin it on per piss.

Reply

e400853 | 0

#1597987 - Monday 25 October 2010 3:15

lmao nice

By TheWhiteBunny | 3

#1594411 - Sunday 24 October 2010 12:54

Read the FML again. The door WAS locked. The father was probably coming in from outside.

By harviss12 | 8

#1594440 - Sunday 24 October 2010 13:03

hahahah suck a dick, oh wait u were doing that! hahahahahahHaha

Reply

Pretty_reckless_fml | 18

#5060803 - Saturday 20 October 2012 1:22

Wow you're hilarious.... -_-

Reply

palosqueak | 19

#5806546 - Friday 27 December 2013 13:51

Oh, soooo funny... Way to attract girls...

By stfuexe | 0

#1594457 - Sunday 24 October 2010 13:09

WTF you on about whitebunny it said that she was about to get up and lock the door Just as he came but she was too late.

By ohsuzykuew | 0

#1594465 - Sunday 24 October 2010 13:11

10- try again. she stopped to get up and lock the door. middle of the night fml's. doh!