Miscellaneous: Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming... - FML

By Davios - 27/12/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 548

You deserved it 5 610

Triage

Sketchy dude

In vain

By littleguy - 20/08/2009 15:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 690

You deserved it 19 187

By wow - 12/12/2011 01:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 141

You deserved it 4 501

By snowbunny - 11/01/2011 02:03 - United States

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 963

You deserved it 2 907

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 260

You deserved it 12 661

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 248

By Magicfml - 05/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 239

You deserved it 1 002

By soccer8goalie - 03/09/2014 02:13 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 227

You deserved it 4 572

By skmusic - 09/04/2009 05:04 - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 245

You deserved it 74 995

By DomesticPatrol - 07/01/2017 02:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 601

You deserved it 1 746

By Chansus10 - 20/10/2014 15:03 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 465

You deserved it 2 936

By pencilring - 04/09/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 647

You deserved it 14 280

By ksgirl - 12/09/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 121

You deserved it 4 032

Crashtony Cartano here

By Anonymous - 05/11/2020 23:03

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 126

By Husband to be....maybe - 09/06/2018 09:00

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 217

By J-Ro - 04/03/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 464

You deserved it 12 301

By Username - 03/06/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 932

You deserved it 59 852

By secretninja64 - 21/08/2014 03:47 - United States - Saint Francis

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 4 857

By Username - 13/05/2011 08:13

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 774

You deserved it 6 697

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 10:35 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 440

You deserved it 2 488

By ealovan - 03/03/2014 05:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 872

You deserved it 9 657

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 5 341

By Anonymous - 13/08/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 757

You deserved it 6 307

By Enni - 27/08/2016 08:47

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 605

You deserved it 1 512

By Face_loser - 24/11/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 376

You deserved it 5 223

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 688

You deserved it 3 931

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 692

You deserved it 8 297

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 04:20 - Canada

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 433

You deserved it 66 180

By radiantum13 - 09/06/2016 02:33

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 000

You deserved it 1 048

By Anonymous - 29/05/2018 02:33

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 442

You deserved it 970

By an egg - 30/10/2015 13:43 - United States - Livonia

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 476

You deserved it 1 618

By lmaofuck - 26/05/2016 01:06 - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 512

You deserved it 1 380

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 870

You deserved it 40 060

By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - 27/04/2013 20:23 - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 569

You deserved it 3 662

By Coffee Boy - 23/06/2012 04:55 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 1 980

Christmas pictures

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 293

By Butch - 04/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 227

You deserved it 1 126

Block-cocked

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 19:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 81

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 758

By jameen - 07/05/2016 11:48 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 676

You deserved it 1 011

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was called a "disabled buzzkill" for not letting someone pet my service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 468

You deserved it 226

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Top comments

Relentless113 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:21

lol owned!!

flgirlwguitar 2

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:35

FYL, but that's funny! As long as you're ok...

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Relentless113 0

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:21

lol owned!!

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Saturday 2 October 2010 1:30

Always look both ways!

KW28 5

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Sunday 27 March 2011 19:03

BUSTED BIG TIME!!!

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:22

I hope you didn't put a dent in that car.

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:23

Call Larry H Parker!

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:23

dannnnnng thats messed up

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

MagneticGuitar 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 0:31

YDI for leaving the kitchen. (If you are a woman, that is).

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Monday 28 December 2009 5:46

the OP wasn't necessarily the women driver, (s)he was the victim

ccc01 1

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Thursday 4 February 2010 17:40

"It is a stereotype that women can't drive. However it's a fact they can't parallel park." -Tosh.0 From personal experience, a yard sale does not qualify as an excuse to drift over to the next lane while trying to check it out.

flgirlwguitar 2

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:35

FYL, but that's funny! As long as you're ok...

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:40

of all the bad luck...

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:42

wait, assuming the car was parked facing the right way for the one way, either you were standing really close to it, or he reversed waaay too much. oh, and it's not really your fault... he/she in the car should really have checked their rear view mirror.

spermonyourface 0

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 4:01

good analysis well done

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:51

PWNED! Sue them for everything their worth!

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Sunday 27 December 2009 23:54

#9 (stupid reply thing not putting my comments in the right places) Might not have been parked. Maybe they mean to turn into a parking lot or another road and missed the turn, then reversed to get back to it. I've seen people do that.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 119

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 44