Animals: Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning...

By Teresa - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9967

You deserved it

42597

Favorite

Animals

Serious times

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Empathy

By buxton1 - United States - Ramona

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35495

You deserved it

3360

Favorite

By bandit99999 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29966

You deserved it

2841

Favorite

By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43821

You deserved it

6868

Favorite

By Mal - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33436

You deserved it

6664

Favorite

By esoog - United States

Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15499

You deserved it

48303

Favorite

By lover21 - United States

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66585

You deserved it

2844

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70748

You deserved it

7340

Favorite

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3281

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By honorstudent - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27139

You deserved it

8236

Favorite

By zzyx - United States

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41568

You deserved it

16857

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34901

You deserved it

5242

Favorite

By Should have stayed in the closet

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5289

You deserved it

1062

Favorite

By ADanceWithDavos - United Kingdom

Freaked out

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46874

You deserved it

4605

Favorite

By ~__~

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30546

You deserved it

2434

Favorite

By sometingwong - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60156

You deserved it

3418

Favorite

By fmerunning - United States

Today, the cable repairman came to fix my cable which has never worked well. The entire time he was talking about how much extra money he got the "fat bitch who moved here 6 months ago" to pay for her cable. I moved in 6 months ago. I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58070

You deserved it

3431

Favorite

By Anonymous

Yummy

Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

475

You deserved it

1794

Favorite

By ... - France

Today, I was in India. At the airport, the men and women were being searched separately. The guy welcoming us pointed me towards the women's area. I had to explain to him that I was a guy. It took 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32015

You deserved it

3857

Favorite

By Sloppy Cashmere - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11803

You deserved it

1408

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3400

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19837

You deserved it

1334

Favorite

By Chumpee - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15688

You deserved it

930

Favorite

By wetandpantsless - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38459

You deserved it

6081

Favorite

By Ben - United States

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20971

You deserved it

17316

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11294

You deserved it

2334

Favorite

By ouch - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34058

You deserved it

4858

Favorite

By fatass - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31434

You deserved it

7847

Favorite

By little_star78 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60054

You deserved it

3586

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I found out that my best friend is being sacked. He's also about to rent a new apartment which he won't be able to afford when he loses his job. I can't warn him or I'll breach confidentiality and lose my job as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29030

You deserved it

1970

Favorite

By tkdbb11790

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

822

You deserved it

4663

Favorite

By pdub523 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37093

You deserved it

3793

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 21:28

Congratulations!

Today, I received the most comments and likes on a Facebook post for years. What exciting thing had happened in my life? Well, I bought a glow-in-the-dark plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

570

You deserved it

127

Favorite

By dak-rod423 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32565

You deserved it

11670

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53797

You deserved it

5132

Favorite

By hatesurf - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60446

You deserved it

9928

Favorite

By StockedWithJuice - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49680

You deserved it

5313

Favorite

By wowohwow - United States

Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41080

You deserved it

6126

Favorite

By stuff2710 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10373

You deserved it

47889

Favorite

By 0ros - United States

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29611

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Out of the frying pan…

Today, it's been 2 days since I got over having the flu for over a week, missing work the whole time. I just got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1479

You deserved it

133

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Chunchunchun | 3

#1010152 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:20

I never kick my cat off my bed no matter how uncomfortable it is :)

By lettertjes | 0

#1010218 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:22

You can get a cat out of your bed without kicking it, you know. Just lift it up and put it on the ground. Or lift it up and put it on a more convenient place on your bed. It'll most likely just continue sleeping.

COMMENTS

By heiiress | 0

#1010142 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:14

I don't get it LOL

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#1010170 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:30

Her cat was sleeping on her bed in a place where the OP couldn't position herself arouind it. She didn't want to move the cat because she wanted to prove to her brother that the cat loved her more

WindsweptSky | 5

#1010175 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:33

I see how you are right. I also see how childish this OP is that she had to "prove her LITTLE brother who is in 6th grade wrong". Something wrong a little deeper? I think so.

andruha1123 | 5

#1010176 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:33

your life sound like mine yay!
antiflood is some bf

heiiress | 0

#1010178 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:34

What does being an unemployed college student have to do with it though :P

THeInSpEraTIOn4u | 0

#1010205 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:09

how is this an fml.

jgilez | 0

#1010222 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:28

don't worry the cat loves you mote you have things in common your both pussys. For real you got owned by a 12 year old get ready for a life full of fail.

Giorgio272 | 2

#1010235 - Friday 28 May 2010 13:59

go for some cat spooning. your the big spoon cat is the little one. just remember though beastiality is animal rape.

RosaOnThis | 0

#1010239 - Friday 28 May 2010 14:07

instincts !

eazyeeze | 0

#1010240 - Friday 28 May 2010 14:08

There's a lot of pussy lovers on FML

killthepresident | 0

#1010339 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:43

this is awesome!

ttorigibson | 2

#1010376 - Friday 28 May 2010 17:44

how would your brother even find out?

gutzzzz | 0

#1010415 - Friday 28 May 2010 18:48

maybe if she kicked the cat out, it would go to her brothers room

madarchod | 0

#1010511 - Friday 28 May 2010 21:08

useless people all over in the world

AnRom | 0

#1011154 - Saturday 29 May 2010 11:20

hah, I've so done that before

Sunset_Taco | 0

#1012284 - Sunday 30 May 2010 6:53

what you do is pet the cat until it's awake, then as it's in a state of tired happiness, pick it up and move it. keep petting until it's comfortable, and then stop and sleep.

sheesh. you suck with cats.

MiSTERmAttt | 0

#1306135 - Friday 27 August 2010 3:15

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahhhahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahfuxk you man hahahahahahahhahahahahhaha

528Alice491 | 3

#5030008 - Thursday 11 October 2012 8:32

Oh god, get over it! That can't doesn't give a crap! Are you kidding me?! Cats were freaking made to sleep and be self centered, he's probably just using you're dumb ass for a nice warm bed and he's laughing at you while you toss and turn!!

whatOu | 4

#6009731 - Wednesday 16 July 2014 11:52

That's what I was thinking, do they share a room ? Ahah

By WindsweptSky | 5

#1010145 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:15

I don't really get why you couldn't kick the cat out of the bed. Eh. FYL?

phillyboss25 | 0

#1010265 - Friday 28 May 2010 15:21

these Fml these days are pointless

TaylorDev | 0

#1010287 - Friday 28 May 2010 16:00

They are not even FML's, FML should have regulations that if the post doesn't include some sort of physical violence or physical problem they shouldn't be posted :|

By Gerblat | 0

#1010149 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:16

Kick it out of bed right meow

Jessi_Rose96 | 0

#1010158 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:25

Calm! Don't kill the anti-flood, ok? It's not worth it!!!

jemmmaa | 0

#1010190 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:50

what is anti flood?

jplumbob | 4

#1010195 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:54

make two or more posts within a minute and you will have your answer.

jemmmaa | 0

#1010197 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:57

ohh, that explains it. thanks :)

By Chunchunchun | 3

#1010152 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:20

I never kick my cat off my bed no matter how uncomfortable it is :)

By thensome | 1

#1010153 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:21

Are you in kindergarten or college? Kick the cat out of the bed.

By hahism | 0

#1010155 - Friday 28 May 2010 12:23

WHAT THE FISH??? what is being an unemployed college student got to do with kicking your cat out of bed??? this does not make sense on so many levels...