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#23 whats wrng with first comment? it's true parents these days are liberal tards that will let their kids do whatever they want cuz they are weak and dumb, getting kids when they are not even mature enough, OP is a nice example of that. Only today's parents can tolerate that kind of behavior. In older days you would get your ass whooped for backtalking and learned a lesson. Only lesson OP's daughter have learned is that she can get away with msotly anything now and OP is a sissy and most likely a cuckold too.
May I chime in with the view from a seventeen year old? The way I see it, a child/teenager living with their parents has the right to privacy and not have their stuff snooped through. It's a sign of respect between the old and the young. However, (and I know I shouldn't say this without knowing the whole story to this fml) if there is a sign of disrespect, the parent should first confront the child/teenager instead of searching through their room and finding what they don't want to see in order to avoid this whole situation in the first place. Like I said, I don't know the entire story, and maybe the parent (sorry, darn app won't let me check) did confront their child before this. I don't believe it has anything to do with "this generations views". I really hope that made sense, I'm quite tired right now...*prepares for inevitable thumbs down for expressing an opinion*
I like how you adults act like you never went through our issues when you were younger. Get off your high horse and see it from a teens point of view. Did you like it when your belongings were rifled through? Your diaries read? your drawers searched? C'mon now. My dad and I have maintained a great father son relationship, wanna know why? We give each other our space and we trust each other. I never have had to worry about my dad searching through my stuff, know why? because he never has. He trusts me, and that shows that he respects me. Call it entitlement, call it spoiled, call it whatever you want. A relationship whether it be boyfriend and girlfriend, mother daughter, or father son, can't survive without trust and respect. I'm proud to say that my father would step on a grenade for me, and I'd do the same for him, because that's how much I love him. But, if he never showed any respect or trust for me, think I'd feel the same? The daughter feels untrusted, and that's why she was angry at OP. Now, I agree, pot is not good. But OP rifling through the child's personal belongings isn't helping the relationship...
62- I am a 22 year old woman and I live with my parents. I understand how you feel, but it's their house. They pay the rent/mortgage, put a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back. In Canada, they can kick your ass out at 16, so they don't have to keep you in THEIR house after that. Pot is illegal and her parents Have to make sure she is keeping out of trouble or they'd be bad parents. Parents give their children the basic necessities, and most of the time, more. Also, as a renter, your landlord is legally able to search your house (they have to give notice for a visit, but if its searching because of suspected illegal activity, they don't have to say they are searching, just visiting). I can understand this feeling of invasion of privacy (wasn't long ago when I was there yelling at my parents for the same thing), but if she isn't doing anything wrong she shouldnt have a problem with them in there, and since I've lived on my own, I understand this now. And once you grow up, you will too.
If the kid is living under their parents' roof, they don't get rights to privacy. If someone is living in an apartment and the landlord suspects drug use, they have a right to go in and snoop. Growing up, the only privacy I expected was a knock before my parents came in my room. I knew anything in their house was fair game.
my parents don't search through my room , phone or iPod because they respect me as a person. not as their child who they 'control' and need to know everything about... even though they do pay for my room or whatever ..they still give me privacy and whatnot. my room is still my room. my stuff is my stuff. they say they would rather not know what's in my room or what I'm doing. I mean, If the saw something 'suspicious' or harmful they would confront me..but they wouldn't start searching through all my stuff. I hate parents like that. If we don't look through your shit, you have no right to look through ours! -.-
Well from what i read you are all lucky as hell! I'm 17 and since i was 14 i been paying for all my clothes, phone bills, car insurance, car itself, i even pay for some of the house bills! Not an equal percentage obviously because my job only makes $10.50 an hour, plus i do half the chores in the house( my brother does the other half) so i would think i deserve my own privacy since i do pay my own weight. My parents could easily of bought me a new car, pay for everything for me but working for your own self makes you pretty damn proud of yourself!
I dont understand why everyone just assumes the parent was just snooping. Not many sensible parents just wake up and go "hmm i havent searched a room in a while...today sounds like a good day". The parent probably saw something suspicious while walking past or peeking in the room, which warranted said "snoop". Kids now-a-days think that everyone should respect them just because they exist. Growing up, I learned that respect is earned, not given. I don't know what happened. Parents are getting softer and softer it seems.
Really? Your stuff? Who paid for "your stuff"? Parents have the right to look through the childs room, because it is the parent that would be in trouble if the child fucks up and the law got involved. The parent should know what the child is doing and what they are involved in.
I'm just going to throw in my opinion to the mix. If the child/teen in question doesn't do anything to raise suspicion from their parents, they should be given privacy. I think everyone needs some space and privacy, regardless if that person is under 18 and living pay free with their parents. However, if the parents have a reason to suspect their child is in danger (i.e. using drugs) then I think they have every right to look through the child's room in order to protect their child. That is their job as parents, after all. And one last thing. I don't really think the fact that the child isn't paying rent is a valid reason to snoop. Yes, I understand the "as your parent I own your room" logic, however, if your elderly parent or other relative was having a hard time and was staying with you for free for a little while, that doesn't mean you can snoop on their things. I don't think that one statement is reason enough to snoop.
I think that the child should be entitled to some privacy, but there are some lines. First off, if the parent thought something major was happening, they do pay for the house and have the right to search things. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should (more in a sense of, if it's not an extreme situation, leave your kids the hell alone) Doing this consistently can lead to a variety of problems. I speak from experience when I say this, because my parents try to snoop into every single part of my life and object they can find. If I give them an inch, they take a mile and never stop annoying the hell out of me for it. So, now they don't know a single thing about my life, and that's how it's going to stay for a long time. Because they entirely destroyed that sense of trust.
99- it's not about control. It's about keeping your kid out of trouble and doing what's best for your child. Apart from that it's the parents house. If theres nothing to hide the child should have no issues with their parents looking through their room and if they do then the parent is right to search it.
Honestly, from a teenager's point of view let me just say that you adults need to calm down. I have a great relationship with my parents and yes, I may be young, I may be "living under their roof" but that doesn't invalidate my rights as a person to some privacy. Maybe you disagree with my parent's "methods" of not ransacking my room whenever they feel like it, but teenagers aren't all ignorant, drug and party obsessed idiots. We live under the same roof as a family and deserve to function like one, where all viewpoints are respected and kids aren't just pushed to the side because "I'm the adult and I said so."
62, now this is why so many of you believe it has nothing to do with "entitlement mindset"....because you're still children & haven't physically matured (brain wise, according to medical findings..the reason kids don't "see" things as adults do is because their minds (brain physiology) doesn't fully mature until about 25 yrs of age)...the old saying of "you'll understand when you're older"...is literally true...so please, wait til you're older to understand like an adult before posting a 17 yr olds "point of view" in which you haven't the maturity (mentally) to see a situation for what it REALLY is & btw, children living under an adults roof do in fact have limited privacy & we ARE responsible to know what our kids are up to..that's a parents JOB....you'll understand when you're older....no, really you will. :)
I understand where your coming from #172 but that bit about brains not fully maturing until 25 is a load of tosh.. theres is no obvious cognitive difference between the brain of a typical 17 year old or a 37 year old (Ive studied child development at graduate level and have an avid interest in neuropsychology) ...obviously teenagers/younguns dont necessarily have the wisdom of an experienced adult but the physiology of their brain has nothing to do with their perceived entitlement mindset. My uncle who is verging on 50 still goes on about being the baby of the family, acts like a teenage boy and expects handouts from all n sundry..
Just because there was drug related items in the room doesn't mean that OP's daughter actually takes drugs. I knew a lot of people who had items like ash trays with little Rastafarian's smoking on them and marijuana symbols etc around their rooms and they didn't smoke, and most of the people I knew who did smoke weed didn't keep any of that stuff around to make sure they didn't arouse any suspicion.
How do you know it's drug abuse? It's not abusing drugs by using them, abusing them is like over dosing. You people need to understand DOCTORS use forms of herion on patients and obvioisly weed is medically helpful. Want to talk shit on drugs, look at cigarettes and alcohol they are 100 percent dangerous. Cocaine, herion, and weed are honestly not bad at small doses, it's when you abuse them. Cocaine and herion are addictive so i advise you not to ever use them but you all get brain washed that if it's illegal to buy it's bad for you... Cigarettes are legal, how many people die from that? Alcohol? Thousands and thousands. How many do you hear of people dying from weed? none. How many are medically benefitted by weed? Thousands. Read up on your informatiom, i believe there is a movie called "The Union" look it up sometime it's a very informative movie. By the way i'm not trying to tell you all oh go smoke and shoot up herion and snort cocaine! No. Honestly it's a waste of money to me. Although i do sometimes smoke weed but i 100 percent believe it benefits you. For those who say the smoke is bad for your lungs, i use a vaporizer. I don't do it for the high i do it to release stress and i get migranes and bad heart pains and i have a stomach ulcer so it reduces the pain. Also it makes me have the best sleep i ever have! Well sorry for typing forever i got bored. :) Have a fabulous day everyone!
102 - It's not always the drugs that kill the person, it's typically the addiction, that's why it's illegal to buy certain drugs, and why it's use is prohibited. Say you get addicted to a drug, it's harmless at first, but then you need more and more to satisfy your kicks, hence buying them gets more and more expensive, you'll have to cut down on other stuff. Eventually you stop paying your bills, and maybe you'll even cut down on food. You stop going to work, and before you know it you're homeless. A LOT of homeless people freeze and starve to death each year. Then there's diseases that could kill you if you reuse non-sterile syringes. The drugs might be harmless in itself (albeit it's fully possible to overdose and end up in a coma/kill yourself), but if you don't have a family there to stop you, then chances are you don't even notice what you're doing. That's how addiction works, and that's why the drugs are dangerous.
I'd hardly call it drug abuse. As long as OP's daughter can function normally and handle her priorities like schoolwork, I don't really see a problem. I know plenty of kids who smoke weed and have been valedictorians. And I go to one of the top 50 public schools in the country.
165- First off i never said cocaine was good so don't put words in my mouth. I said it wasn't bad at small doses, which is true... It stimulates you. What do you do that is actually good for you? What we are all doing now is bad for our eyes. I give up on trying to prove something to you guys.
102- I really think that you had a good point behind what you said, but it can still be considered as drug abuse in OP's case. It was implied that she found enough of whatever it was that she found in her daughters room that it can be considered as a problem or as abuse. Drug abuse is not necessarily a result of medical conditions or prescribed. Drug abuse is the use of drugs in situations where they are not necessary on a regular basis and/ or in large quantities. Just because you use drugs for your own medical conditions doesn't mean that everyone else does this as well, in these cases it's almost always safe to assume that it is abuse.
107- All those financial problems would be solved if the drugs were made legal, then an addicts habit would cost cents a day rather than upwards of $100. With that kind of access, crime would be significantly reduced and withdrawals and associated health problems wouldnt be a problem for drug addicts. Plus who the hell does the government think they are by trying to control the substances we put in our body, it's the individual's business and it would give a much better chance for the phenomenon of natural selection to occur
102 is butthurt and 50 doesn't understand the term pothead. Of course her daughter was actually doing drugs. If she wasn't, then why would OP just now be finding these drug related things and why would her daughter freak out over privacy. It's not an invasion of privacy to open your kids bedroom door. Personally I don't think it's an invasion of privacy to inspect your kids room either. I've shared a room with a younger sister who's been hiding cigarettes and alcohol in our room since she was 13 and I know for damn sure my kids aren't pulling that shit with me. Drugs always start the stupidest debates. And once again I've been sucked into giving my unneeded opinion on a site that doesn't actually matter. So FML.
102 - I got the idea of it being drug abuse when I read "outsmarted by a teenage pothead". When did I ever say, or imply, that "herion" wasn't used by doctors on their patients? Can you give a reason as to why you find marijuana to be helpful? When did I ever say or imply that alcohol and cigarettes aren't as bad? Obviously, you are trying to tell yourself otherwise. If you need illegal drugs for "stress", then you are a pussy.
Don't let her confuse you next time! Teenagers are the trickiest of the tricky out there.
Haha. No. Teenagers are stupid. I'm watching my mom finish her job with my 17 year old sister and I gotta say... She's dumb. And her friends are worse. I know I was stupid too. And 20 now and I can't believe my younger self. Thank god I was more mature than I should've been though... I can't even begin to think of the memories I'd have if I had acted my age..
why the hell are you saying sorry to her , you are the parent and she is living in your house doing drugs she should be saying sorry . if i did that my parents would be furious .
You should slap her. She's got no respect for the woman who brought her into this world and raised her... What a shame but then again you kinda deserve it for not being more firm in your disciplining.
I'm 50-50 on this debate. On one hand, I know I got a few smacks as a child/teenager, and it didn't affect my life or relationships with my parents. On the other hand every person is different, and violence coupled with a (possible) predisposition for addiction (as evidenced by her drug use) could cause major issues later in life. Honestly, we don't know OP's daughter, and we can't make a suggestion on parenting techniques. I'm sure OP will consider the situation and approach her daughter again after deciding on the best way to handle things.
Just to point something out; my mother hit me when I was younger, and it was only the once, but it left a mark that lasted longer than the bruise she gave me. I absolutely love my mum to bits but I'm shit scared of her now, and I make sure to try my hardest not to annoy her, though somehow I always do. Every time she starts shouting at me I shut up and I don't defend myself, even if I'm not the one in the wrong. Does anyone actually think that a healthy mother-daughter/ father-daughter relationship should involve hitting? What about if your boyfriend/partner/fiancé/husband hit you, or your friend? Would you say "it's okay you deserved it, you disrespected him!" No, you'd be saying get the hell out! Double standards aren't good in any situation, and especially not in the case of violence.
Sometimes its okay to spank, slap a child. Not beat the shit and get blood out or leave bruising thats just abuse. But sending to a room for time out just doesn't work for some. Don't most kids have a tv or computer in their room? Shit I was happy to get sent to my room I had all my cool shit in there
Ok, so you don't agree with, "spare the rod spoil the child?" just because I parent slaps there child doesn't mean they are "striking fear" into the hearts of their children. I'm totally a fan of a spanking or slap in the face for punishment because SOMETIMES it's needed. And I'm only 15. My parents still do sometimes
76, that last comparison is a little unfair. Your boyfried, girlfriend, husband, or wife did not help birth you. Therefore there cant be a double standard. The parents are responsible for instilling the core values necessary for their child to function normally in society. Granted hitting a child isnt always the answer as sometimes the ends must satisfy the means. But *not* hitting your child every once in a while just might have you end up in a situation like this. Just dont overdo it like some people do.
76: Usually, when people talk about "beating their kids" they're usually talking about a quick smack to get some sense into them. A lot of the people I know, including my own parents, don't even do it as the discipline itself, but just to bring attention to them and to establish control; so it's a really light but firm hit. Now, maybe this is because it's kind of hard to give me a visible bruise, as I have pretty dark skin, but if your mom is hitting you hard enough to bruise then in my opinion that sounds more abusive than helpful. As a teenager, I can tell you firsthand that while the whole "beating your kids" thing might work, and maybe is the only thing that works for some, there are definitely other ways to instill respect into your child without physical pain, and they'll probably like you a lot more for it. I've never been "really" spanked or hit, but I have a healthy amount of respect- not fear, nor a compulsion to always agree with all of their beliefs, but actual respect- for my parents.
My parents gave me a lot of good beatings. I do resent my mom at times. I wish they would look back and see it wasn't effective because when I was little, I'd do the same thing over and over again. I've been spanked, beaten with multiple objects. I don't see it as abusive, necessarily, I just think it's wrong. Hitting me is only going to make me dislike you and make the relationship awkward. My relationship with my mom isn't where I'd like it to be. And I don't so much as fear her as refrain from telling her my feelings sometimes because it'll end in a screaming match. I don't think I'll ever spank my kids.
There is a significant difference in spanking a child and beating them. It is never okay to beat your children, but it is okay to give them a firm spanking if warranted. The reason we have so many heathen children running around today thinking that they are "grown" at twelve is because of a serious lack of discipline.
When I was a little kid I could understand a spanking. But I outgrew them. The only other time either of my parents ever laid a hand on me is when I was 12 and my mother slapped me. I'll admit, I deserved it, but her hitting me didn't make me respect her. It made me resent her and made me feel as if I had been betrayed. Her hitting me is NOT why I have so much respect for my mom.
I don't fear my "dad" bc he spanked me. I fear him bc he kicked me out of his house for disliking his fiancée. Then told everyone that I was a liar and was stealing. Thanks "dad" for pretending to be my dad for 16 years and then hanging it over my head that you aren't actually my biological dad. Bastard.
Of course she wouldn't have said that as a teenager, because most teenagers are pompous and think that they deserve respect that they haven't earned. If my kid is walking around like a pothead or not keeping her room clean, I'm going I their to either search or clean. Don't expect privacy and respect if you don't earn it first.
75 of course I wouldn't. Nobody ever says that they look forward to punishment unless they're into s&m or something. What I can say tho is that years down the line I'm better off for it. Parents need to think about the kids future not their present happiness. At least till they hit adulthood.
Technically I'm still a teenager and saying this. While a few months away from turning 20 and only staying at home during college breaks, I still believe privacy is a privilege, not a right. I unlike OPs daughter have nothing in my room that would get me in trouble so maybe that's why I wouldn't mind my parents going into my room.