Miscellaneous: Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8210

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Dementia or hate? You decide

Nutters Inc.

By Lonely - New Zealand

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32022

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5657

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By anony - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12608

You deserved it

1026

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By Anonymous - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21391

You deserved it

1345

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26382

You deserved it

5723

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By Cockroachphobic - 4/4/2020 14:00

Creepy crawlies

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

831

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By ShitFaced - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26974

You deserved it

21498

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By thiswouldhappen. - United States

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54453

You deserved it

264970

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 02:00

Power tripping

Today, I got my projects printed and spiral bound, only to get a text from my teacher 30 minutes later that everything must be in black and white. I paid extra money to have them in colour. When I asked her if colour was okay, she said, "I never asked for colour and I want it in black and white for everyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

182

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By christacat - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11954

You deserved it

921

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By x_o - Hungary - ?ttev?ny

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53142

You deserved it

3843

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By Kimmikoto - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4842

You deserved it

3493

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2844

You deserved it

226

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By Werner - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19624

You deserved it

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3782

You deserved it

232

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By now afraid... - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24427

You deserved it

2185

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By prisym

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3305

You deserved it

754

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By Anonymous

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

You deserved it

946

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By piemasterzim - Canada

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13989

You deserved it

31784

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3593

You deserved it

504

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24814

You deserved it

4654

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By ant_hater - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23551

You deserved it

2507

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By ScienceFail - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29970

You deserved it

15892

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By Brittanyy_leigh - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38779

You deserved it

5958

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By greenintheface - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me until I heard, "Honey, what did you make me for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40558

You deserved it

4074

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By Pain - United States - Andover

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every stick of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13153

You deserved it

1693

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By Alyssa - 27/4/2020 23:00 - United Kingdom

Fashion blogger

Today, I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and saw a picture of my friend in a ridiculous wig. I left a comment telling her how stupid the wig looked, but how great it was to have a friend with a sense of humour. She replied, telling me it wasn't a wig, it was her new hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

610

You deserved it

1848

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By Ugh

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9085

You deserved it

514

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By bursteardrums - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30267

You deserved it

11187

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30746

You deserved it

3399

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By me - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19968

You deserved it

35261

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23144

You deserved it

50817

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26948

You deserved it

2265

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By clinictime - Canada - Okotoks

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30403

You deserved it

5014

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By optimist - United States

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15644

You deserved it

30951

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By Ape - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35895

You deserved it

8631

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By anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30920

You deserved it

4696

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By pickle

Ouch!

Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1136

You deserved it

509

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By errints234234 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9656

You deserved it

47303

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By chynna - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39533

You deserved it

6557

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By fml9124 - 8/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Tricky situation

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1760

You deserved it

156

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Top comments

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

COMMENTS

By mcdaidjoel | 1

#3685878 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:35

Shitty deal.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3685923 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

Holy shit.

kbtoyz69 | 9

#3686012 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:06

hahaha grooooossss!!!! diareah! diareah!

boofgall | 16

#3686045 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:29

Diarrhea, you mean. But why?

jonan1212 | 5

#3686508 - Monday 5 December 2011 13:17

Holy shit stains, Batman!

gojira666 | 7

#3686834 - Monday 5 December 2011 14:53

You shit on the outside of the bowl as well or.....

kidtoronto | 5

#3687644 - Monday 5 December 2011 19:03

Dude, thats effing gross.

CalCommando | 6

#3688430 - Monday 5 December 2011 23:18

It's ok OP, tomorrow we'll work on colors.

kidtoronto | 5

#3688903 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 1:48

yo purple panda pride!

AliCat18 | 12

#3694294 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:59

bit of a shit situation...

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

Meme1988 | 18

#3686171 - Monday 5 December 2011 11:09

True, you can easily get sick if its not clean!
I Mean.. You wrote a fml because you forgot the color?! not because you forgot to clean?!

krisymisy | 0

#3788252 - Monday 26 December 2011 3:57

My thoughts exactly!

By leztg | 0

#3685883 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's just nasty.

yumyumpoptart | 16

#3687460 - Monday 5 December 2011 17:57

*cleveland brown voice*

By abbytequiere | 9

#3685902 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:40

Let's just all get it out of our systems. Yes it's a shitty situation. Moving on now.

jamalaska | 2

#3685966 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:54

xSonic | 9

#3691300 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:43

Why are people thumbing all this down? Do they like unoriginal comments? Oh no, now I'm going to get buried ?

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

By lajaynay | 15

#3685915 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

Nasty ass.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#3685920 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:44

You deserve it for not cleaning your toilet more. That's pretty gross if it got to the point of not being white anymore.

By BrianAlarcon | 0

#3685922 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

cochino

drawmesunshine | 17

#3686920 - Monday 5 December 2011 15:42

Sucio.

killak41 | 9

#3687516 - Monday 5 December 2011 18:14

Serio.

alex6946 | 10

#3689836 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:50

Hola.

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3689871 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:56

Taco
^_^

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3690656 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:30

C-C-C-COMBO CACHÓN!!!

babysittingfail | 0

#4639269 - Monday 2 July 2012 1:02

Ohhhhhh its Spanish!!!

By emsdashkova | 10

#3685927 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

that's disgusting. did it not smell?

By yeti0718 | 8

#3685929 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:46

Gross. Just gross. I hope you never have company over for goodness sakes.