Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

By Anonymous - 5/12/2011 00:40 - United States

I agree, your life sucks

8198

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48932

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Miscellaneous

Crowded House

The opposite of a good idea

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 15:46

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29510

You deserved it

3088

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36740

You deserved it

6819

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By Joe - 1/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14762

You deserved it

50605

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By xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo - 21/5/2016 12:57 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13615

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1134

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By peachykeen - 15/2/2016 01:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22865

You deserved it

1896

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By Jer - 11/10/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38293

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8902

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By Anonyme - 26/6/2015 00:40 - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

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29381

You deserved it

2587

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By anonymous - 28/7/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7715

You deserved it

42210

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By FMarinasL - 30/6/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30924

You deserved it

4389

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By poncho31 - 22/5/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

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14598

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48325

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By Dog fart - 13/2/2010 16:08 - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

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44324

You deserved it

3871

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

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46519

You deserved it

3339

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By Godmish - 2/1/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend saying: "Do you remember last time we slept together?", I answer straight away "Of course I do, it was great!". To which she replies: "I hope you made the most of it: it was the last". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31167

You deserved it

2671

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By unbirthday - 18/7/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I came downstairs to a cake that said "Happy 8th Birthday Bella!" My name is Sarah and I'm 16. Bella is our dog whose birthday is next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39911

You deserved it

2927

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By he's still not convinced - 24/10/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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47130

You deserved it

3515

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2016 19:30 - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

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14541

You deserved it

1564

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By anon - 1/2/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21671

You deserved it

1680

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By shampoogirl - 26/8/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31960

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4218

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35394

You deserved it

7931

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By Marcela - 18/3/2009 13:47 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

106872

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19593

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By KMKWEEN - 16/2/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

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43772

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10620

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2020 22:36

Small comforts

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2350

You deserved it

154

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By Adios Career - 26/11/2015 16:27 - United States

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML

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23992

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2120

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 22:04

Today, I just got back from a party, where I spent most of the night comforting the girl I like. Why? Because the guy she likes was being grinded on by another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1379

You deserved it

401

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2013 18:24 - United States - Pompton Plains

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64751

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8379

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By PerfectTiming - 8/7/2013 11:19 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48774

You deserved it

4658

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By bastard - 22/12/2013 21:28 - United States

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43224

You deserved it

4365

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By uhohimfired - 31/3/2019 16:00

Today. the toddler I babysit learned her first word. It was "Fuck" uttered by me within earshot of her toddler ears. She won't stop saying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1157

You deserved it

1947

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By kids are meh - 16/5/2016 21:47 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11993

You deserved it

1325

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2012 11:05 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28979

You deserved it

2490

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By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39818

You deserved it

5196

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By collegestudent - 1/6/2019 12:00

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

270

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By Dump Tump - 29/3/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1668

You deserved it

145

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By Sh.H - 23/2/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11750

You deserved it

55736

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37543

You deserved it

8703

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By Thomas - 20/9/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38058

You deserved it

3417

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By scruffy - 10/5/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15985

You deserved it

37864

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By Annomymous - 23/1/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34751

You deserved it

4837

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By unimpressed bride - 22/11/2015 06:10 - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26459

You deserved it

3007

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2011 09:12 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in the market for a new girlfriend. How? He used my credit card to sign up for 3 dating sites. FML

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38249

You deserved it

3134

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Top comments

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

Comments

By mcdaidjoel | 1

#3685878 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:35

Shitty deal.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3685923 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

Holy shit.

kbtoyz69 | 9

#3686012 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:06

hahaha grooooossss!!!! diareah! diareah!

boofgall | 16

#3686045 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:29

Diarrhea, you mean. But why?

jonan1212 | 5

#3686508 - Monday 5 December 2011 13:17

Holy shit stains, Batman!

gojira666 | 7

#3686834 - Monday 5 December 2011 14:53

You shit on the outside of the bowl as well or.....

kidtoronto | 5

#3687644 - Monday 5 December 2011 19:03

Dude, thats effing gross.

CalCommando | 6

#3688430 - Monday 5 December 2011 23:18

It's ok OP, tomorrow we'll work on colors.

kidtoronto | 5

#3688903 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 1:48

yo purple panda pride!

AliCat18 | 12

#3694294 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:59

bit of a shit situation...

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

Meme1988 | 18

#3686171 - Monday 5 December 2011 11:09

True, you can easily get sick if its not clean!
I Mean.. You wrote a fml because you forgot the color?! not because you forgot to clean?!

krisymisy | 0

#3788252 - Monday 26 December 2011 3:57

My thoughts exactly!

By leztg | 0

#3685883 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's just nasty.

yumyumpoptart | 16

#3687460 - Monday 5 December 2011 17:57

*cleveland brown voice*

By abbytequiere | 9

#3685902 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:40

Let's just all get it out of our systems. Yes it's a shitty situation. Moving on now.

jamalaska | 2

#3685966 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:54

xSonic | 9

#3691300 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:43

Why are people thumbing all this down? Do they like unoriginal comments? Oh no, now I'm going to get buried ?

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

By lajaynay | 15

#3685915 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

Nasty ass.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#3685920 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:44

You deserve it for not cleaning your toilet more. That's pretty gross if it got to the point of not being white anymore.

By BrianAlarcon | 0

#3685922 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

cochino

drawmesunshine | 17

#3686920 - Monday 5 December 2011 15:42

Sucio.

killak41 | 9

#3687516 - Monday 5 December 2011 18:14

Serio.

alex6946 | 10

#3689836 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:50

Hola.

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3689871 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:56

Taco
^_^

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3690656 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:30

C-C-C-COMBO CACHÓN!!!

babysittingfail | 0

#4639269 - Monday 2 July 2012 1:02

Ohhhhhh its Spanish!!!

By emsdashkova | 10

#3685927 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

that's disgusting. did it not smell?

By yeti0718 | 8

#3685929 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:46

Gross. Just gross. I hope you never have company over for goodness sakes.