Miscellaneous: Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

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8214

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Messed up

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

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33421

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4000

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By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6650

You deserved it

568

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By Anonymous

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3429

You deserved it

201

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By shrek - Australia

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16589

You deserved it

1487

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By Savy - United States - Mesa

Today, I was tailgated by a car with his high beams on for an hour. Any time I changed my speed or lane, he would do the same. I finally managed to get away from him because a cop pulled me over and gave me a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7045

You deserved it

891

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41818

You deserved it

4605

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By asdf - United States

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46534

You deserved it

5339

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 22:56

Help needed

Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

777

You deserved it

108

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By someboody - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21156

You deserved it

4413

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By RollieCollieUSA - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30630

You deserved it

6604

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By Homeless - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My boss's daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53004

You deserved it

34034

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By John-John - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6807

You deserved it

426

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By Rizmo - United States - Cedar City

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10423

You deserved it

716

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By JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24147

You deserved it

2808

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By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26759

You deserved it

3497

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By Liz

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

548

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By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48512

You deserved it

4521

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By fed up/turned off - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41421

You deserved it

6757

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By CatofSteel

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4813

You deserved it

551

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By Headphones - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74449

You deserved it

5667

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39598

You deserved it

24224

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By damnnn - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27769

You deserved it

2015

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By jeffnn - United States - Melbourne

Today, while building a gingerbread house with my two kids, they thought it would be funny to pee on it while I wasn't looking. Nobody noticed until my wife ate one of the pee-covered gingerbread men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7168

You deserved it

957

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By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23554

You deserved it

3043

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By azmom - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34233

You deserved it

26155

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By gmac0417 - United States

Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was "I thought I deleted the messages." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29375

You deserved it

3166

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By amidreaming?? - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30378

You deserved it

3839

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By OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34981

You deserved it

3655

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By borkbork - Canada

Everybody needs good Neighbours…

Today, I was standing on the balcony I share with the neighboring apartment. My morbidly obese neighbor didn't know I was there, and walked out with her breasts exposed. Her boyfriend then walked out and struck up a conversation with me about the fine weather we're having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

140

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12257

You deserved it

19763

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By oouchh - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51360

You deserved it

18732

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By random - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23331

You deserved it

3361

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By keiran123 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46224

You deserved it

3314

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By parisklutz - France - Dounoux

Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31294

You deserved it

3244

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By Anonymous

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3838

You deserved it

438

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By pierced. - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49767

You deserved it

6105

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

948

You deserved it

140

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By Gross - United States - Houston

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54776

You deserved it

3914

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By peteto818 - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, my boyfriend jokingly said that if I didn't pass my exam, he wouldn't have sex with me for a month. I failed it, and now he thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35876

You deserved it

5381

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By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner"

Temper tantrum

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2220

You deserved it

274

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Top comments

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

COMMENTS

By mcdaidjoel | 1

#3685878 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:35

Shitty deal.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3685923 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

Holy shit.

kbtoyz69 | 9

#3686012 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:06

hahaha grooooossss!!!! diareah! diareah!

boofgall | 16

#3686045 - Monday 5 December 2011 9:29

Diarrhea, you mean. But why?

jonan1212 | 5

#3686508 - Monday 5 December 2011 13:17

Holy shit stains, Batman!

gojira666 | 7

#3686834 - Monday 5 December 2011 14:53

You shit on the outside of the bowl as well or.....

kidtoronto | 5

#3687644 - Monday 5 December 2011 19:03

Dude, thats effing gross.

CalCommando | 6

#3688430 - Monday 5 December 2011 23:18

It's ok OP, tomorrow we'll work on colors.

kidtoronto | 5

#3688903 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 1:48

yo purple panda pride!

AliCat18 | 12

#3694294 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 22:59

bit of a shit situation...

By Arrangements | 4

#3685880 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's nasty, keep your bathroom clean. Trust me, it's important.

Meme1988 | 18

#3686171 - Monday 5 December 2011 11:09

True, you can easily get sick if its not clean!
I Mean.. You wrote a fml because you forgot the color?! not because you forgot to clean?!

krisymisy | 0

#3788252 - Monday 26 December 2011 3:57

My thoughts exactly!

By leztg | 0

#3685883 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

That's just nasty.

yumyumpoptart | 16

#3687460 - Monday 5 December 2011 17:57

*cleveland brown voice*

By abbytequiere | 9

#3685902 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:40

Let's just all get it out of our systems. Yes it's a shitty situation. Moving on now.

jamalaska | 2

#3685966 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:54

xSonic | 9

#3691300 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:43

Why are people thumbing all this down? Do they like unoriginal comments? Oh no, now I'm going to get buried ?

By ninjuh_wingman | 29

#3685914 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

How dirty are you that you didnt remember what color your toilet was?

By lajaynay | 15

#3685915 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:43

Nasty ass.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#3685920 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:44

You deserve it for not cleaning your toilet more. That's pretty gross if it got to the point of not being white anymore.

By BrianAlarcon | 0

#3685922 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

cochino

drawmesunshine | 17

#3686920 - Monday 5 December 2011 15:42

Sucio.

killak41 | 9

#3687516 - Monday 5 December 2011 18:14

Serio.

alex6946 | 10

#3689836 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:50

Hola.

stephanieeDawnx | 0

#3689871 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:56

Taco
^_^

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3690656 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 8:30

C-C-C-COMBO CACHÓN!!!

babysittingfail | 0

#4639269 - Monday 2 July 2012 1:02

Ohhhhhh its Spanish!!!

By emsdashkova | 10

#3685927 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:45

that's disgusting. did it not smell?

By yeti0718 | 8

#3685929 - Monday 5 December 2011 8:46

Gross. Just gross. I hope you never have company over for goodness sakes.