Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was... - FML

By UnluckyLatina - 22/4/2016 03:30 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15579

You deserved it

12083

Tweet

Share

You can't win sometimes

Headache

You snooze, you lose

By LoveBytes - 27/3/2012 21:29 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8627

You deserved it

43908

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36504

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By Should I stay or go? - 17/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6321

You deserved it

590

Tweet

Share

By Drim - 25/11/2009 17:52 - Canada

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13039

You deserved it

31748

Tweet

Share

By Liam. - 1/2/2010 05:15 - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14538

You deserved it

51533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:27 - United States - Westerville

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40534

You deserved it

6128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/1/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend of 2 weeks home to meet my mom and she started talking about how she really wants a lot of grand-kids. He called 2 hours later and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32781

You deserved it

6957

Tweet

Share

By woopwoop - 18/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58065

You deserved it

10827

Tweet

Share

By Mom - 25/7/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45745

You deserved it

26103

Tweet

Share

By luvs2spooge89 - 1/5/2013 14:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22850

You deserved it

76120

Tweet

Share

By thosedamnkids - 22/1/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43188

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By me - 16/12/2010 15:29

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7585

You deserved it

62187

Tweet

Share

By ROLLY - 3/3/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27425

You deserved it

3895

Tweet

Share

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39494

You deserved it

5935

Tweet

Share

By nick - 27/6/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15266

You deserved it

2068

Tweet

Share

By Jeremy - 10/5/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27149

You deserved it

86765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 05:00

Who are you?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1708

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - 29/1/2016 21:19 - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13129

You deserved it

27386

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 7/5/2011 06:08 - United Kingdom

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15457

You deserved it

62075

Tweet

Share

By crippled shopper - 27/1/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34228

You deserved it

4678

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2019 18:00

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1172

You deserved it

1023

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/5/2012 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26444

You deserved it

2217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/3/2018 15:00

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5696

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/10/2011 16:16 - Ireland

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36718

You deserved it

6649

Tweet

Share

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 3/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10994

You deserved it

1830

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 01:28

Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8844

You deserved it

3004

Tweet

Share

By panicked headaches - 7/12/2015 19:04 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23271

You deserved it

2055

Tweet

Share

By morgan_love11 - 5/6/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31244

You deserved it

4798

Tweet

Share

By Jackie Campbell - 12/7/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33259

You deserved it

6095

Tweet

Share

By friedbutter - 28/10/2012 14:53 - Canada - Pickering

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25907

You deserved it

4577

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27943

You deserved it

9075

Tweet

Share

By Phoenix0614 - 25/1/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I realized that all I bought was cat food and $30 worth of protein bars. Yes, I have become THAT single woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28330

You deserved it

7247

Tweet

Share

By busted - 22/9/2012 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I have a boyfriend. I was answering their questions about him, when my dad cut me off mid-sentence. He accused me of lying through my teeth, and said I'd based him off a character from a Harrison Ford movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25314

You deserved it

3240

Tweet

Share

By sadgirl - 10/6/2013 18:14 - United States - Conway

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51197

You deserved it

4354

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/8/2011 16:45 - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42465

You deserved it

3255

Tweet

Share

By triplenipple - 10/1/2011 20:35 - Sweden

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43722

You deserved it

4535

Tweet

Share

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47543

You deserved it

6843

Tweet

Share

By so bored -__- - 25/2/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18516

You deserved it

31061

Tweet

Share

By mikmak - 20/12/2015 13:26 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20446

You deserved it

3079

Tweet

Share

By Lee - 21/6/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54694

You deserved it

4102

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By emi_alejandra | 23

#6586193 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:39

More like fhl tbh

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6586205 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:44

Oh boy! He must hate you with a burning passion right now.

Comments

By Zarcissa | 34

#6586192 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:39

A waste of good pie. Why can't you just eat it up?

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6586586 - Saturday 23 April 2016 5:07

Even though this is being thumbed down, I agree. I always heard of people using whipped cream or shaving cream in pie tins for throwing into people's faces, not ACTUAL pie. It's just a waste of a good pie and more difficult to clean off of shit.

Reply

Beeboopbeep | 9

#6587058 - Saturday 23 April 2016 23:34

You can still eat it

Reply

tin_cup | 27

#6589376 - Tuesday 26 April 2016 17:21

I love pie!!!!

By emi_alejandra | 23

#6586193 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:39

More like fhl tbh

Reply

stingray112 | 24

#6586296 - Friday 22 April 2016 18:50

Until coffee became more popular, beer was the common beverage of choice for breakfast in most of the U.S.

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6586313 - Friday 22 April 2016 19:19

What?

Reply

emi_alejandra | 23

#6586353 - Friday 22 April 2016 20:03

I'm not quite sure what you meant by that

Reply

CrassKal | 27

#6586404 - Friday 22 April 2016 21:13

33 - yes because the distilling process killing most bacteria making it safe to consume. Same with coffee and tea that require boiling water. But I don't see what context that info has here?

By lexos | 16

#6586194 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:39

Why would you do that?

By _aPerson_ | 14

#6586195 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:40

YDI. That's such a lame thing to do.

Reply

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6586587 - Saturday 23 April 2016 5:08

That's true. Also, how old are you OP? There's an age where this shit isn't funny anymore. If you're older than 13, you should stop doing shit like this. It's more likely to piss someone off than to make them laugh.

By sturschaedel | 27

#6586197 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:40

Oh, wow, that poor guy! I really hope this won't leave scars. Burn scars are the ones that heal ugliest, and in the middle of the face that is really bad. Way to ruin his birthday, OP!

By JustThatPerson | 21

#6586202 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:42

They were drunk, right? Were you the only one sober? WHY DID YOU LISTEN, AND DO IT TOO!??

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6586204 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:43

"While /everyone/ was wasted"

Reply

BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#6586272 - Friday 22 April 2016 18:01

You sound like my wife when she's in a good mood.

By c0ffeeb3an | 15

#6586203 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:42

You burn your friend's face badly and you think YOUR life sucks?

Reply

Myeyesbleed | 15

#6586211 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:46

right?

By CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6586205 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:44

Oh boy! He must hate you with a burning passion right now.

Reply

brittanywashere | 14

#6586988 - Saturday 23 April 2016 21:01

I see what you did there!

By ThuNDeY | 23

#6586208 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:44

Was it a peach pie? If so it wasn't worth it either way.

By thesmeagol | 22

#6586212 - Friday 22 April 2016 16:47

Who serves a pie that hot to begin with? on the other hand no one likes a dick so ydi buckaroo.

Reply

CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6586226 - Friday 22 April 2016 17:01

Most likely the pie was chillin' because it was just baked at 420 for about 40-50 minutes, only moments before OP decided to pie their friend.

Reply

thesmeagol | 22

#6586232 - Friday 22 April 2016 17:10

You let a pie cool before serving. Not out of the oven and dish it out.

Reply

CheekyRaccoon | 27

#6586270 - Friday 22 April 2016 18:01

My previous reply addresses both your comments. The pie was resting to cool down and OP took it before it had enough time to cool down from the 40-50 minute 420 hotbox.