Miscellaneous: Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt... - FML

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

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Out of it

And today, on Dr Phil…

Let's go girls!

By Scared - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

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By sexaddict - France

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

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By Miroslav208 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

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By o.v. - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

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By sarah - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

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By SoClose - Canada

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

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By GopherJR - Canada

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By soccerscout7

Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

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By knighton16 - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

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By nicoreal89 - United States

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

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By Frauded - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

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By cleangirl - United Kingdom

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

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By Veronica - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

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By MT - Finland

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2020 20:01

Bustin' my ass

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

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By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

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By adam - United States

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

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By I_dislike_Twilight - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

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By bored - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By slapstick1982

Perfect contraceptive

Today, I realized that my wife is on her 3rd month using an IUD. The side effect is nonstop bleeding. I haven't had sex with her since she got it. I'd say this contraceptive is working perfectly. FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By _sourdiesel7 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

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By 5220 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

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By longtrip - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

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By Anonymous - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

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By ac19k - United States - Franklin

Today, I kept having dreams that I had made drunken snapchats. Those weren't just dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

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By oops - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

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By olive_costume - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By Demotivation - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

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By garlicbread - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

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Top comments

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

COMMENTS

By KunKaLunKa | 1

#3240495 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

that sucks first?

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#3240548 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Mildly disturbing!

Reply

katsteak | 0

#3240595 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:08

Dont worry about it OP. That is a sign of a healthy relationship. (:

Reply

imaberry95 | 0

#3240694 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:18

WINNING

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240779 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:29

Im kidding guys...

Reply

XxKillerStormXx | 13

#3240872 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:46

Lol :)

Reply

Saltime | 0

#3240940 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:02

52, just because you admitted it in a moment of weakness, it doesn't mean you can take it back!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240957 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:06

-.-

Reply

Georgieeporgiee | 9

#3241088 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:32

I giggled...

Reply

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3241104 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:37

^ Same.

Reply

dmeloccaro | 5

#3241777 - Monday 5 September 2011 18:59

75, I was thinking the same exact thing. :D

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#3242046 - Monday 5 September 2011 20:04

Lol don't lie 3, EVERYBODY knows that girls don't fart!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3242212 - Monday 5 September 2011 21:30

Psh tell that to my umm...mom! Yah mom!

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3244968 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

At least you don't have some old creepy guy saying he wants to suck them out of your arse... O.o

Reply

azxn7 | 3

#3244970 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

Lol!! XD

Reply

ImFrackinBored | 13

#3248825 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:33

Funny random thread^^ xD

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3248869 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:41

Puerto rico!!!!!

Reply

JRokka850 | 6

#4063114 - Tuesday 21 February 2012 1:13

Girls don't fart they fluff!

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170624 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:48

ur muscles are dope

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

Reply

bball234 | 6

#3240707 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:19

on a wind chime?

Reply

RainbowzSkittlez | 6

#3240864 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:44

And did it ring??

Reply

auntiemomma | 0

#3241131 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:42

you're a girl.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3241258 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:51

89 very observant

Reply

hurrican_fml | 0

#3250202 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:58

Win!

Reply

jesernoob | 13

#3251012 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 8:33

I'm sure I'll pass gas in the near future as well :D

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170628 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:50

you're an asshole

By Askzombie | 14

#3240505 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Mad skillz there

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3240762 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:26

This man is a genius, we need to develop a science in his name, complete with equipment needed! He is making a breakthrough in today's technology and we must celebrate!

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#3240769 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:27

Thts a whole new level of epik...

Reply

FarSide | 22

#3241071 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:29

I see new night club competitions forming in gay bars across the USA...

By hippityhopp | 2

#3240508 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

That is an fml how?

By ghashlycrumbs | 8

#3240512 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I'm gonna be honest, that's something I haven't heard. Lol, he's a keeper.

Reply

ItsTheKing | 10

#3240967 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:07

Or stinker.

Reply

ShawnzieNstuff | 6

#3245758 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 9:39

Or bugger

By Bowser6622 | 5

#3240514 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I find this an amazing achievement.

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#3240633 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:12

-achievement unlocked: Master Resonator-

Reply

shift_love | 13

#3242689 - Monday 5 September 2011 23:20

The powers of fluid dynamics and Bernoulli's principal. It's not surprise it worked

By Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3240516 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Like a boss

By frodoman | 13

#3240519 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

Welcome to the windy city and the land of musical gas

By JustinThunder | 8

#3240522 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

The power of farts..

Reply

KaanTech | 0

#3241986 - Monday 5 September 2011 19:33

You have no idea what can a single fart can do !

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3242457 - Monday 5 September 2011 22:55

You don't know the power of the fart side! *said in darth vader voice*