Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt... - FML

By Anonymous - 5/9/2011 12:05 - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

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Instadrama

Great speech, thanks!

My body, my choice

By WTF - 22/8/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

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By A - 9/2/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

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By dawg3360 - 7/6/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

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By DIY560 - 24/2/2014 03:59 - United States - Ambler

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

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By stupidity - 25/5/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

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By badluck_jean - 17/1/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

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By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

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By thegoldenboy3 - 12/2/2009 12:14 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

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By Lisa - 19/8/2018 23:30

Forever Alone

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

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By loser4life - 30/7/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

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By tiredmom - 7/7/2016 15:03 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

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By StupidJob - 1/9/2016 23:23 - United States - Batavia

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

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By eddie818 - 10/6/2012 07:54 - Canada - Sidney

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

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By bieberslayer - 6/12/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

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By anonymous - 27/12/2011 22:32 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

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By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

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By 90 up I-95 - 7/7/2017 20:00 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

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By lessinterestingthanadog - 8/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

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By raven_of_azarath - 29/7/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

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By elevator-troubles - 18/3/2009 07:59 - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

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By mustanggt - 10/7/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 20:35 - United States - Tunkhannock

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

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By unsatisfied - 9/3/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

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By ElamentalAngel - 6/5/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

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By anon - 9/7/2011 04:48 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2012 02:08 - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

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By Jake - 2/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

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By Idi - 9/12/2008 12:54 - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

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By Ep1cF4ce - 26/7/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

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By happyeffingbday202 - 2/4/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

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By Damn You Fortnite - 17/8/2018 15:00

Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML

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By Why me? - 5/3/2016 05:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

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By o.v. - 16/5/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2014 17:07 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML

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By 6boss - 3/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

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Top comments

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

COMMENTS

By KunKaLunKa | 1

#3240495 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

that sucks first?

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#3240548 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Mildly disturbing!

Reply

katsteak | 0

#3240595 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:08

Dont worry about it OP. That is a sign of a healthy relationship. (:

Reply

imaberry95 | 0

#3240694 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:18

WINNING

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240779 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:29

Im kidding guys...

Reply

XxKillerStormXx | 13

#3240872 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:46

Lol :)

Reply

Saltime | 0

#3240940 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:02

52, just because you admitted it in a moment of weakness, it doesn't mean you can take it back!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240957 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:06

-.-

Reply

Georgieeporgiee | 9

#3241088 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:32

I giggled...

Reply

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3241104 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:37

^ Same.

Reply

dmeloccaro | 5

#3241777 - Monday 5 September 2011 18:59

75, I was thinking the same exact thing. :D

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#3242046 - Monday 5 September 2011 20:04

Lol don't lie 3, EVERYBODY knows that girls don't fart!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3242212 - Monday 5 September 2011 21:30

Psh tell that to my umm...mom! Yah mom!

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3244968 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

At least you don't have some old creepy guy saying he wants to suck them out of your arse... O.o

Reply

azxn7 | 3

#3244970 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

Lol!! XD

Reply

ImFrackinBored | 13

#3248825 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:33

Funny random thread^^ xD

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3248869 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:41

Puerto rico!!!!!

Reply

JRokka850 | 6

#4063114 - Tuesday 21 February 2012 1:13

Girls don't fart they fluff!

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170624 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:48

ur muscles are dope

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

Reply

bball234 | 6

#3240707 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:19

on a wind chime?

Reply

RainbowzSkittlez | 6

#3240864 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:44

And did it ring??

Reply

auntiemomma | 0

#3241131 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:42

you're a girl.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3241258 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:51

89 very observant

Reply

hurrican_fml | 0

#3250202 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:58

Win!

Reply

jesernoob | 13

#3251012 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 8:33

I'm sure I'll pass gas in the near future as well :D

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170628 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:50

you're an asshole

By Askzombie | 14

#3240505 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Mad skillz there

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3240762 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:26

This man is a genius, we need to develop a science in his name, complete with equipment needed! He is making a breakthrough in today's technology and we must celebrate!

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#3240769 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:27

Thts a whole new level of epik...

Reply

FarSide | 22

#3241071 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:29

I see new night club competitions forming in gay bars across the USA...

By hippityhopp | 2

#3240508 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

That is an fml how?

By ghashlycrumbs | 8

#3240512 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I'm gonna be honest, that's something I haven't heard. Lol, he's a keeper.

Reply

ItsTheKing | 10

#3240967 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:07

Or stinker.

Reply

ShawnzieNstuff | 6

#3245758 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 9:39

Or bugger

By Bowser6622 | 5

#3240514 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I find this an amazing achievement.

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#3240633 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:12

-achievement unlocked: Master Resonator-

Reply

shift_love | 13

#3242689 - Monday 5 September 2011 23:20

The powers of fluid dynamics and Bernoulli's principal. It's not surprise it worked

By Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3240516 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Like a boss

By frodoman | 13

#3240519 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

Welcome to the windy city and the land of musical gas

By JustinThunder | 8

#3240522 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

The power of farts..

Reply

KaanTech | 0

#3241986 - Monday 5 September 2011 19:33

You have no idea what can a single fart can do !

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3242457 - Monday 5 September 2011 22:55

You don't know the power of the fart side! *said in darth vader voice*