Miscellaneous: Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt... - FML

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

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Dangling modifier

The smell detective is on the case

Never engage with psychos

By Jjh99q - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

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By yegworstdrivers - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I fell violently ill half an hour into a flight. I got sick so suddenly that I projectile vomited all over my clothes and the seat in front of me, and to top it all off, I also got diarrhea. Eight more hours to go. FML

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By JaneDoe - United States - Salisbury

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

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By ronboy - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

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By sickyandiknowit - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

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By _sourdiesel7 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

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By Not so much of a teachers pet - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

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By clingmaster - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

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By ozzy - United States - Campbell

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

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By stretchy - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

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By abutorac951

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

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By inosehowthatgotthere - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

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By Toast514 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

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By the other man - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

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By teaspoonzz

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

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By need my own place - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

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By Anonymous

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

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By WamBamSam - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

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By TOOshort

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

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By Misunderstood - United Kingdom

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

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By Sleeping moody - United States - Hollywood

Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM

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By graduate - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

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By Torbey - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

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By bongoboy - United States

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

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By Nogood - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

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By Invisible - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

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By future burger flipper - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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By Application - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

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By mikmak - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

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Top comments

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

COMMENTS

By KunKaLunKa | 1

#3240495 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

that sucks first?

By Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240497 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

Yay! Im not the only one!

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#3240548 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:02

Mildly disturbing!

Reply

katsteak | 0

#3240595 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:08

Dont worry about it OP. That is a sign of a healthy relationship. (:

Reply

imaberry95 | 0

#3240694 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:18

WINNING

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240779 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:29

Im kidding guys...

Reply

XxKillerStormXx | 13

#3240872 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:46

Lol :)

Reply

Saltime | 0

#3240940 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:02

52, just because you admitted it in a moment of weakness, it doesn't mean you can take it back!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3240957 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:06

-.-

Reply

Georgieeporgiee | 9

#3241088 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:32

I giggled...

Reply

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3241104 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:37

^ Same.

Reply

dmeloccaro | 5

#3241777 - Monday 5 September 2011 18:59

75, I was thinking the same exact thing. :D

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#3242046 - Monday 5 September 2011 20:04

Lol don't lie 3, EVERYBODY knows that girls don't fart!

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3242212 - Monday 5 September 2011 21:30

Psh tell that to my umm...mom! Yah mom!

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3244968 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

At least you don't have some old creepy guy saying he wants to suck them out of your arse... O.o

Reply

azxn7 | 3

#3244970 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 6:40

Lol!! XD

Reply

ImFrackinBored | 13

#3248825 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:33

Funny random thread^^ xD

Reply

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#3248869 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:41

Puerto rico!!!!!

Reply

JRokka850 | 6

#4063114 - Tuesday 21 February 2012 1:13

Girls don't fart they fluff!

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170624 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:48

ur muscles are dope

By katiebearr10 | 0

#3240502 - Monday 5 September 2011 15:59

I farted after I read this xD

Reply

bball234 | 6

#3240707 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:19

on a wind chime?

Reply

RainbowzSkittlez | 6

#3240864 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:44

And did it ring??

Reply

auntiemomma | 0

#3241131 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:42

you're a girl.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3241258 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:51

89 very observant

Reply

hurrican_fml | 0

#3250202 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:58

Win!

Reply

jesernoob | 13

#3251012 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 8:33

I'm sure I'll pass gas in the near future as well :D

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5170628 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 12:50

you're an asshole

By Askzombie | 14

#3240505 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Mad skillz there

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3240762 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:26

This man is a genius, we need to develop a science in his name, complete with equipment needed! He is making a breakthrough in today's technology and we must celebrate!

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#3240769 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:27

Thts a whole new level of epik...

Reply

FarSide | 22

#3241071 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:29

I see new night club competitions forming in gay bars across the USA...

By hippityhopp | 2

#3240508 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

That is an fml how?

By ghashlycrumbs | 8

#3240512 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I'm gonna be honest, that's something I haven't heard. Lol, he's a keeper.

Reply

ItsTheKing | 10

#3240967 - Monday 5 September 2011 17:07

Or stinker.

Reply

ShawnzieNstuff | 6

#3245758 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 9:39

Or bugger

By Bowser6622 | 5

#3240514 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

I find this an amazing achievement.

Reply

wordnerd42 | 0

#3240633 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:12

-achievement unlocked: Master Resonator-

Reply

shift_love | 13

#3242689 - Monday 5 September 2011 23:20

The powers of fluid dynamics and Bernoulli's principal. It's not surprise it worked

By Glitterhinoceros | 14

#3240516 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:00

Like a boss

By frodoman | 13

#3240519 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

Welcome to the windy city and the land of musical gas

By JustinThunder | 8

#3240522 - Monday 5 September 2011 16:01

The power of farts..

Reply

KaanTech | 0

#3241986 - Monday 5 September 2011 19:33

You have no idea what can a single fart can do !

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3242457 - Monday 5 September 2011 22:55

You don't know the power of the fart side! *said in darth vader voice*