By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22
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No it's a personal choice. I was raised in a church and had great parents that occasionally drank but I started young. By the time I was 13 I decided it was time to quit partying and smoking cigarettes and now I'm a fully functioning adult about to get her bachelors degree I'm math and psychology. I still drink but that's it.
Most of 14 yrs old kids are doing stupid things, when I was 14 I did heaps of crazy and stupid things. I have no regrets, that's how you learn, unless parents don't give a crap and let it go. My point is, it doesn't mean she will fail in life. I'm a financial analyst and believe me, crazy things don't prevent you from succeeding.
I started with weed when i was only 13. My mom found out and didn't get mad at me but made sure i knew to be careful and not get into more dangerous drugs and not to get in a car with someone who's high. I quit weed about a year after i started and now i'm in grade 11, have an 85% average, and have a job in aviation maintenance. Everyone experiments and if i can turn my life around i'm pretty sure anyone else can as well.
#212, are you fucking kidding me? Do you even know what "autistic" means? It's a real disability that a lot of people, my brother included, struggle with every day. For you to compare them to people who deliberately fuck up their lives is a slap in the face to people with autism and all the people who care about them. Read a book. Damn.
Anecdotes are not statistics. Statistics says that we can do a bunch to damage our kids, and a bit to help them - but we can never keep them entirely safe. I hope my kids will wait with doing drugs until they're older than that, and that they will use them responsibly if they choose to indulge; and I'll try to instill the values that make them, and do enough influence on what kids they hang around with that it works. But there is no way for me to fully control it.
at age 14 I drank I did several different drugs and I was sexually active I don't believe this was at all my mother's fault she did a damn good job trying to raise me I just didn't listen I eventually graduated highschool (on time) with a 3.6 GPA I've since gotten married have two beautiful daughters three and five and I'm now going to cosmetology school now in the hopes of saving up enough money to move to Colorado and go to veterinary school the only thing I can do is try to raise my daughters well. They seem to be smarter than I was so I can only hope that they don't make the same mistakes I did and if they do all I can do is be there to support them and help try to put them back on the right track. The only thing you can really do with your mistakes is learn from them and hopefully be a better person for it. I hope OP will learn from her mistakes
#65 I disagree with you on the part of how it depends on how you were raised. I grew up in a good home, with loving parents, but I still went through a rebellious phase. It had nothing to do with how I was raised, it had to do with me being a narrow minded piece of shit.
But you all have to notice.... people blame everything that your people do wrong in "this generation" when it's not all our fault. Some of it is the last generation, and a lot of it is only SOME people of this generation who get everyone else a bad rep. Besides, people from the last few generations did the same thing as this one now is, yet "this generation" is still getting talked about!
This sucks MAJORLY for both of you...but if I'm honest: what went wrong with your parenting? It isn't all your fault but maybe you could have done something a bit different. Sorry if I sound so harsh OP but that is my honest opinion.
20- This, I think, is the key. No matter what awful impact society has on a child, it is the job of the parent to undue as much of the negative influence as possible by instilling that sense of social and personal responsibility and respect for oneself. I think too many parents are just willing to put the blame off on everyone else's influence rather than working to correct it.
@29, it's true you can't always blame the parent. My mom and I don't have the best relationship and in my opinion she could have been a much better mom but because of the respect I had for myself and even for my family I knew I didn't need to subject myself to drugs and alcohol. Good kids can come from bad parents, but people get so sucked in and feel bad for themselves and lose all the self respect they have because they have the excuse of a bad home.
some kids need a heavy hand when it comes to disclipline however that same approach can turn a kid in a drunken, drug addled mess. the same goes for the more lenient approach. basically what i am trying to say is blaming thr parents is not dealing with the core issues in most cases.
I'm 19 almost 20 and was raised by my mum who did a wonderful job, we are really close and there is a huge amount of respect between us, I've had peer pressure to do bad things but I was raised to not only respect my mum and the law but also myself which is why i only occasionally drink a little bit and have never touched drugs or been in trouble with the law. What people need to be taught is respect, then teens like this wouldn't cause the stereotypes placed on all teens.
Well hopefully OP is not one of those hypocrite parents that brags about their glory days where they were drinking and doing drugs at a young age, but takes out their anger over their stupidity on their kids or one those parents that exaggerates so much that everything they say is ridiculous.
Who said she has bad parenting? I started with weed when i was 13 and my mom found out and just made sure i knew not to try harder drugs and was safe with what i did. I quit a year after starting with drugs and if my mom wasn't so accepting of me smoking weed i probably would've wanted to rebel and would still be doing it now. Everyone experiments, my mom had a very good way of dealing with it.
Ugh, teenagers... Do kids like this think it's cool or something to do all this shit to themselves and their parents? My brother did all the same stuff when he was younger, and nearly died multiple times as a result.
I don't see the appeal of it, to be honest. I'm 17 and I've only had a few sips of my parents' alcohol, and I've never done drugs. Yeah, a lot of teenagers who do it think it's "cool," but I think some get sucked into it because they think they need to do it to be accepted.
That's sort of horrifying about your brother, I'm sorry. But saying that, I started drinking (very small amounts) at a young age with my family. I think that approach made it so I don't get paralytic at parties behind their backs. Yes I drink, yes I have taken drugs (not hard stuff) My parents know, and it doesn't mean I don't have respect for myself and my family. There's a thing called moderation and experimentation. Got to walk paths and see what happens. But stealing is awful, and it sucks that OP's bratty child feels the need to do those things, especially the lack of communication before it was too late.
Yeah, I'm 16 and I've never drank, smoked, done any drugs, and I'm a virgin. Though, when my dad was a teen... He did everything. Drinking, smoking, partying, lying to his parents, not caring how anybody felt, was a HUGE player, he bullied people... I'm just glad I didn't turn out like him
102, "I've never drank, smoked, done any drugs, and I'm a virgin" That's not an accomplishment, That's a default, acceptable behavior for a teen. "You did okay" kind of behavior. For achievement, win a Nobel prize, graduate with honors/gold medal, or earn your first million before 18.
Not everyone who does drugs or drinks at a young age is trying to be cool or is even proud of it. And the parents could have provided all the love and support and guidance that they could. Sometimes there are other circumstances that could push kids to do those things. Being bullied for example, being sexually abused, losing someone close. If any of these happened to a child, something in them would change or weaken, even if the parents were there for them. So we shouldn't be so quick to judge. The kid could be a good kid, the mom could be a good mom. The kid made bad decisions but she seemed willing to be open about it. It's not like hope is gone for every child that made terrible decisions at a young age.
118 Maybe it being the default behavior is part of the problem, it doesn't give kids much incentive to be from their parents to not do these things. Personally at a younger age I made a decision to not do things like that and I upheld it at 18 I have never drank more than small amounts given to me by my parents and have never done any sort of drugs.
I'm 16 and I have done drugs. I used to self medicate for a combination of severe depression and moderate to severe chronic pain. I never did drugs because it was cool or because I liked being high. I did drugs because when I was on them I wasn't in physical or mental pain. I've been clean for a bit over 2 months now and it's not pleasant. The depression is worse and the pain is more pronounced, but I'm proud of myself for being able to quit.
150, There's no problem. It is a default expected behavior because it guarantees that you won't develop chronical diseases, drug/alcohol/nicotine addictions or won't be shotgun wed (or knocked up, if you're a girl) before your 18th birthday. Once you're adult, you can wreck your life however you want.
184- there were multiple instances where he could have died but didn't, to clarify. For instance, driving at night when he wasn't even supposed to be out and hitting a tree at 85 mph, nearly getting crushed by an 18 wheeler after passing it on an on-ramp, and having to go to the hospital more than once for alcohol poisoning. All between the age of 16 and 17. He's totally fine now, and my parents managed to make sure I never found out about everything until like a week later. So it's not too big of a deal now
what kind of parent are you that your kid is drinking and stealing at age 14!? and "at least it's not drugs" is the best you could come up with!? the fact that she was smiling after you "berated" her for half an hour is very alarming. holy shit.
Being a parent is more than keeping your kid at home and making sure they don't do anything bad; in fact, parents shouldn't even be doing that, since kids need to learn some independence at some point. OP's daughter getting into drugs and alcohol doesn't mean her parents did a bad job, it just means her friends are also making bad decisions. Anyway, OP was berating her in the most mature way possible: sitting her down, and talking about it with her.
6, I knew a school where majority of guys smoked cannabis and tobacco, were badmouthed, had no problems with alcohol, and some of them weren't virgins - at the age of 14. If you didn't do any of these, you were an outcast and target for attacks. The school was in a bad part of the town. You can't always blame parents, because society influences children. But you can't also always blame society, because sometimes kids do bad decisions by their own will.
By definition, yes it is. To quote the first answer i found on google. A drug is simply “Any substance which when absorbed into a living organism may modify one or more of its functions.” So by definition simple things like food and venom are in fact drugs. Yeah? The word drug in modern times only refers to ILLICIT DRUGS. Since Alcohol is legal in most countries and states by modern definition its not a drug. Why i even bothered looking it up, ive got no idea...
Depends on the drug. If I had a teen that was smoking weed once in a while, I'd be substantially less pissed than if they were doing coke/meth/etc Another factor on weed is whether or not they're still doing good in school/etc
#8 - Any type of drug or alcohol is bad for teenagers. Until the age of (I think) 21, the frontal lobe (the part of the brain that deals with decision-making and consequences) isn't fully developed. Doing drugs and alcohol has a substantially more negative effect on the brain than if adults were to do weed or occasionally drink.
@45 Actually in some people, usually men the frontal lobe can still be developing into the mid twenties. While that can cause damage, any alcohol is going to kill some brain cells. I think that her being young would be a worry more for binge drinking, causing more damage to her liver. Or being so young she is likely to develop a more addictive personality to it. In any way it's unacceptable, and that's a hard situation for a parent to be in.
121: Marijuana isn't a gateway drug. I used to be labeled a "Stoner" because of the amount of marijuana I smoked (purely for medical purposes) and was good friends with many other stoners. Almost all of us refused to drink alcohol or even consider doing acid, meth, coke, or any of the hard drugs. Marijuana is only a gateway drug if the user lets it be a gateway drug.
176, That might be region specific. In my area it is it is an illegal drug and its distribution is crime. People that could distribute it aren't the kind you want to deal with. Since it is an illegal substance, it is reasonable to expect that things go downhill once you start using it.
Ask her if she's smoking reefer. On account of everyone but the gov't knows it isn't really a drug...