Miscellaneous: Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a...

By why me? - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I came home from a long day from work, only to find a strange woman in my apartment. She explained that my roommate told her it was OK to spend a few days here. I guess he forgot that the room was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40567

You deserved it

3341

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Gas giant

Parental guilt

Booty pic

By jxfc - United States - Tracy

Today, as I was helping a customer, she asked if it was my first day and who was training me. Evidently, I'm bad at my job, because I've worked there for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9529

You deserved it

1503

Favorite

By moms know best??? - Canada - Morinville

Neat

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58707

You deserved it

4634

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8643

You deserved it

71510

Favorite

By DamnHippieSoap - United States - Estero

Today, I discovered my washcloths smelled like mushrooms. As I'm allergic to mold, I panicked and spent all day washing every towel and sheet in the house. At last, I went to take a shower and discovered that the mushroom smell was actually emanating from my $5-a-bar organic soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1633

You deserved it

2132

Favorite

By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31733

You deserved it

11868

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

26736

You deserved it

1869

Favorite

By just_a_bit_akwRd - United States

Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50593

You deserved it

7792

Favorite

By kai - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21706

You deserved it

3186

Favorite

By lindsey789 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38681

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48677

You deserved it

7705

Favorite

By Escape! - United States

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48448

You deserved it

4241

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22678

You deserved it

8583

Favorite

By holladaddy - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56037

You deserved it

10322

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54051

You deserved it

30262

Favorite

By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32397

You deserved it

3897

Favorite

By Anon - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2449

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By lame - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10363

You deserved it

21932

Favorite

By anonymous - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28885

You deserved it

2862

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 11:02 - United States

Pleased to meet you

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1293

You deserved it

Favorite

By trice - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57275

You deserved it

4288

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31242

You deserved it

6819

Favorite

By Singed - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22326

You deserved it

43524

Favorite

By Annoyed

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7896

You deserved it

1672

Favorite

By PoorMe - United States

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38511

You deserved it

4700

Favorite

By confused - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40584

You deserved it

5305

Favorite

By Mandy - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29078

You deserved it

8740

Favorite

By smurftastic - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49477

You deserved it

3781

Favorite

By Chelsea - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32868

You deserved it

2653

Favorite

By fedexed - United States

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53199

You deserved it

10331

Favorite

By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48729

You deserved it

3333

Favorite

By Live02Dance - United States

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36384

You deserved it

3105

Favorite

By annonymous - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23264

You deserved it

2026

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35384

You deserved it

3341

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23707

You deserved it

1868

Favorite

By condiments - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34019

You deserved it

3035

Favorite

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25823

You deserved it

8368

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9163

You deserved it

61264

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27406

You deserved it

3159

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23376

You deserved it

1410

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31341

You deserved it

2640

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bacon_lover100 | 11

#5881974 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:32

You don't have to tolerate that shit, just talk to your roommate about.

By Morqan_Freeman | 14

#5881978 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:38

Tell your roomate that decisions that involve your place shouldn't be made without you. Even if this person staying there is nice and all, a little respect goes a long way.

COMMENTS

By holymackeral | 12

#5881967 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:28

First!

leonchen7498 | 12

#5881977 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:36

Why would people comment saying first if they know theyre going to get downvoted anyways?

By leroyjenkins006 | 10

#5881968 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:29

Then the land lord came and said her roommate left...40 YEARS AGO DUN DUN DUUN

Nilorak | 24

#5881993 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 12:19

What?

BellaBear90 | 27

#5882006 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 12:44

No he didn't #2

Queen_bee1234 | 21

#5882010 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 12:50

#19 I think he's trying to imply that the lady in question is a ghost who died in the apartment 40 years ago. I could be wrong though.

WD_Stevens | 22

#5882023 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 13:17

That is what he was implying. He got something wrong and it ended up very confusing. Close to a good comment though

eatsleephoop | 3

#5882376 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 23:22

what

By Black_Knight80 | 13

#5881969 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:29

Well OP now you guys can be friends I hope.

GodPart2 | 20

#5881980 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:43

Or you can be lovers... another good porn plot...

REALAfroninga | 11

#5882004 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 12:37

I heard the plumbing needs fixed. *cue cheesy porno music*

J3R3MYY | 14

#5882156 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 16:43

Was she at least hot?

EphMi | 5

#5882355 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 22:58

you roommate arranged for a woman to be in your room, what more do you want?

AlexRen | 21

#5882570 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 3:52

*Cues 70's porno music*

By poulkrebs | 20

#5881971 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:29

He got you something. How nice of him :-)

By pdp_fml | 21

#5881972 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:29

Could you sleep in the same bed at least?

telli164 | 30

#5881983 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:53

Top n tail?

akballerchicity | 11

#5882584 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 4:06

Dat profile pic doee

By ckerane | 16

#5881973 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:32

the more the better

By bacon_lover100 | 11

#5881974 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:32

You don't have to tolerate that shit, just talk to your roommate about.

bacon_lover100 | 11

#5881975 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:34

It*

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5882407 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 0:30

I want to like your comment but I can't in good conscience change it from 69...

bacon_lover100 | 11

#5883456 - Thursday 13 March 2014 2:25

Say what?

xSphinx | 18

#5891608 - Friday 21 March 2014 6:21

how are people down voting this? no sense of humor these days..

By Morqan_Freeman | 14

#5881978 - Tuesday 11 March 2014 11:38

Tell your roomate that decisions that involve your place shouldn't be made without you. Even if this person staying there is nice and all, a little respect goes a long way.