Miscellaneous: Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made...

By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

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Miscellaneous

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Fear factor

Munchausen by proxy

By hail

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML

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By chuchundra - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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By halfie - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

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By Heyme - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

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By Amanda G Rich - 25/11/2020 02:02

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

Today, yet again. my boyfriend told me I'm getting fat, even after I told him to stop and that it's affecting my mental health. I had an eating disorder previously, and now I'm thinking about going back to just eating an apple a day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

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By Az - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

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By smellsgood - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

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By klyoung5 - United States

Today, while sitting next to the cute guy in my English class, I had to sneeze. I turned away from him and sneezed into my arm. My long hair got in the way and I accidentally shot a huge snot rocket into my hair. I spent the rest of the class trying to get it out without him noticing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

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By explainer - South Africa

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

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By anon - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

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By santa_maria - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

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By jshum - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

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By Anonymous - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

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By DepressedKid - Canada

Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for school work. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML

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By oneiPodlighter - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

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By womanoski - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

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By Arthurie - United States - Plainview

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

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By hairdresser - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

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By kids

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

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By fuck - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

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By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

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By parkertownparadise - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

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By My_Cow_kiM - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

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By theuglyone - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

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By sleepless

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

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By JRock - United States

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

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By SwingingChili

Today, to prove a point to my brother that playing the lotto isn't a sure thing. I got a $10 scratcher. Thinking I'd get nothing or maybe just another scratcher, I ended up winning a free scratcher plus $100. The second scratcher I got an additional $50. Now he's even more confident to win every time. FML

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By Wowseriously - United States

Dumpster Fire Boyfriend

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML

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By Jim - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

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Top comments

By AK | 2

#233155 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 17:15

I relate to this one. I decorated a pot in grade 5 for Mother's Day. After the flowers in it died, my mother threw the whole thing out.

By lich_fml | 0

#232997 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

I have a feeling she probably wasn't serious, right?

if she was, FYL.

COMMENTS

By randomdude1234 | 0

#232990 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:07

First

By lich_fml | 0

#232997 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

I have a feeling she probably wasn't serious, right?

if she was, FYL.

By randomdude1234 | 0

#232999 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

Dude that sucks. Give it to someone who will appreciate it! Or keep it yourself!

capgray | 0

#966636 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 6:27

today. my daughter brought home the shittiest peice of art ive ever seen. FML

kittykat1501 | 31

#6310358 - Thursday 4 June 2015 14:08

What the freak?!?! Heartless person!

By addidas0_o | 0

#233002 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:10

ouch FYL

By bitterpill1 | 0

#233007 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By grlwitperlEring | 0

#233009 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:13

Ouchhhh

By mandymuggle | 0

#233010 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:14

Wow. Your mom is really rude. You shouldn't have made something nice for her.

By rukusrazor | 0

#233042 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:28

Hey, times are tough.

By IreadFMLnaked | 0

#233077 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:40

Did she even know it was a gift for her?

By QiScorpion | 0

#233143 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 17:07

Tell her off for being rude, and keep it on prominent display in your room so that every time she comes in she's reminded of her rudeness :)

But well done for making a vase - it's more than i could ever do!