Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made...

By Allen - 26/5/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

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Miscellaneous

The student becomes the master

Innocent

Hello everyone!

By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

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By wtfseriously - 9/5/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

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By nick - 24/12/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

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By EwFace - 6/6/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

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By cheerymama - 23/1/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

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By Anon - 30/3/2012 05:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

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By Ross R - 27/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Richland

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

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By Sugar - 22/11/2008 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

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By jellyybean - 5/9/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

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By sick - 6/1/2011 12:21 - United States

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2016 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

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By awkwardology - 27/9/2013 07:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

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By klutz - 25/8/2010 04:14 - Canada

Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2015 04:39 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

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By what did i marry - 25/5/2018 12:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

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By ohdear - 27/1/2011 13:07 - United Kingdom

Time flies by

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2012 15:44 - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

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By Nicks - 3/7/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

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By preggo - 4/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

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By makeitstop - 4/8/2011 13:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

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By Sick - 24/2/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By missprude666 - 19/1/2012 08:32 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

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By Trainwreck - 13/12/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

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By allgrowedup - 12/2/2011 03:10 - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

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By schooyou101 - 4/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

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By Damm - 24/1/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I have an auto immune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 00:30 - United States - Savannah

Boundaries

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

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By Ihatemyjob - 18/3/2013 03:14 - United States - Vermilion

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

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By BadLuckBetty - 9/8/2016 11:33 - United States - Millville

Today, after weeks of flirting with the hot guy at the gym, he finally asked me to meet up with him outside. I was diagnosed with strep throat just hours before our date. FML

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By not drunk - 28/10/2014 18:04 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

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By Ugh-Lee - 30/9/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, a cute girl sat down next to me on the bus. She looked up at me, and then moved to the back. FML

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By I Have Failed - 2/4/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

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By makinascene - 5/2/2009 10:05 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2016 22:35 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

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By leaf hater - 17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

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By ugly - 26/6/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

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Top comments

By AK | 2

#233155 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 17:15

I relate to this one. I decorated a pot in grade 5 for Mother's Day. After the flowers in it died, my mother threw the whole thing out.

By lich_fml | 0

#232997 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

I have a feeling she probably wasn't serious, right?

if she was, FYL.

COMMENTS

By randomdude1234 | 0

#232990 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:07

First

By lich_fml | 0

#232997 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

I have a feeling she probably wasn't serious, right?

if she was, FYL.

By randomdude1234 | 0

#232999 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:09

Dude that sucks. Give it to someone who will appreciate it! Or keep it yourself!

capgray | 0

#966636 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 6:27

today. my daughter brought home the shittiest peice of art ive ever seen. FML

kittykat1501 | 31

#6310358 - Thursday 4 June 2015 14:08

What the freak?!?! Heartless person!

By addidas0_o | 0

#233002 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:10

ouch FYL

By bitterpill1 | 0

#233007 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By grlwitperlEring | 0

#233009 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:13

Ouchhhh

By mandymuggle | 0

#233010 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:14

Wow. Your mom is really rude. You shouldn't have made something nice for her.

By rukusrazor | 0

#233042 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:28

Hey, times are tough.

By IreadFMLnaked | 0

#233077 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:40

Did she even know it was a gift for her?

By QiScorpion | 0

#233143 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 17:07

Tell her off for being rude, and keep it on prominent display in your room so that every time she comes in she's reminded of her rudeness :)

But well done for making a vase - it's more than i could ever do!