Animals: Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a...

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36332

You deserved it

5625

Favorite

Animals

Season finale

It's a pretty good response, though

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By presidont - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19583

You deserved it

51481

Favorite

By xXMudkipNoobXx - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28926

You deserved it

6140

Favorite

By Unlovedchild

Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43203

You deserved it

4700

Favorite

By roadbikemama - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43179

You deserved it

11092

Favorite

By Worst City in the World

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3454

You deserved it

476

Favorite

By cat lady - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21687

You deserved it

2005

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newburyport

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20833

You deserved it

1870

Favorite

By B_McG - Canada

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41768

You deserved it

2904

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10138

You deserved it

40430

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Falls Church

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28264

You deserved it

4292

Favorite

By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Well played

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33540

You deserved it

8657

Favorite

By sincerely depressed. - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7812

You deserved it

40312

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Palmdale

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25478

You deserved it

49218

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Please don't do this

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76005

You deserved it

6656

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 11:01

Dementia or hate? You decide

Today, I spent an hour listening to my mother-in-law go over the details of how happy my husband was at his wedding, while she went through the photo album and stared at the pictures. The wedding with his first wife. I spend several days each month with her taking care of her, and she does this kind of thing every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By KarmaComeBack - 18/5/2021 17:01

Well deserved break

Today, my brother told me that wanting a break by having one evening away from my son makes me look like a really bad mother. My son is three and hasn't been babysat since he was an infant, and I've been a single mum for the last 8 months. I just wanted some time to recharge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1386

You deserved it

Favorite

By misTreated - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32905

You deserved it

5537

Favorite

By Anony Mous - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40677

You deserved it

4819

Favorite

By CODgirl102 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, I decided to confront my friend who has been stealing from me for months. She denied it, while wearing a pair of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49025

You deserved it

4397

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 23:02

Trust

Today, my husband's grandmother told me in confidence that he was diagnosed with psychopathy as a child, so in all likelihood my husband isn’t actually capable of feeling love for me. I’m just a useful tool to make him seem normal so doctors and therapists leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1884

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By missseloit3

Et tu, Brute?

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9185

You deserved it

536

Favorite

By lynnie - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32005

You deserved it

6051

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27426

You deserved it

2396

Favorite

By Steph - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

393

Favorite

By car - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31636

You deserved it

4079

Favorite

By Leashaness - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27272

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By ohEw - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3909

You deserved it

244

Favorite

By Anonymous

Remember socialising?

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1131

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By nametag - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50785

You deserved it

3909

Favorite

By Mrs. Terrified - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30145

You deserved it

4479

Favorite

By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28475

You deserved it

4437

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2021 14:01

All over

Today, after I had my wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, so of course I’m in pain. To top it off, I threw my back out today and can’t bend over. So in the end, I’m loopy from pain meds and my back hurts twice as bad as my mouth. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

744

You deserved it

Favorite

By martin1022 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11588

You deserved it

904

Favorite

By fmlimoverit - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30162

You deserved it

3673

Favorite

By OhNo - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40745

You deserved it

5916

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41396

You deserved it

2515

Favorite

By awesomekidsmum - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35685

You deserved it

9098

Favorite

By MamaMia

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5-month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it is I who cannot sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2572

You deserved it

609

Favorite

By kasai_x0x - Canada

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13452

You deserved it

36016

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Witchylady | 17

#6056175 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:23

Cats are the best.

By fsomelife | 26

#6056176 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:24

Take him to the vet and clean everything.

COMMENTS

By Witchylady | 17

#6056175 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:23

Cats are the best.

BigLatchZatch | 14

#6056599 - Thursday 4 September 2014 21:06

And by that we mean the worst.

MortenM | 17

#6056692 - Thursday 4 September 2014 23:01

I just don't get why plastic smells after a trip halfway through a cat & back.
Maybe OP would elaborate of how the otherwise odeurless plastic smells like. Besides vomit of course.

DoubleDosexo | 12

#6056735 - Thursday 4 September 2014 23:35

it smells almost as bad as it does if you burn it.

By fsomelife | 26

#6056176 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:24

Take him to the vet and clean everything.

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6056649 - Thursday 4 September 2014 22:34

Seems a bit obvious, no?

noah_1234 | 24

#6056839 - Friday 5 September 2014 1:35

mabye the vet seems like something new to someone who has never had a pet before

By pinkchocoa | 15

#6056177 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:24

Don't they say keep it away from cats on the tag ?

By pipipiyo | 12

#6056178 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:24

Maybe you'll be able to buy another one now since hopefully your cat will have learned its lesson..
Or maybe not.

HersheySquirts | 17

#6056186 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:28

Possibly twice the amount of puke and little balls as well...

badluckalex | 23

#6056189 - Thursday 4 September 2014 11:30

that would be the definition of insane..

Bibliovore | 26

#6056354 - Thursday 4 September 2014 14:57

I don't know why people are downvoting #9. It's from a quote that's often misattributed to Einstein, and clearly applies: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."