Miscellaneous: Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so... - FML

15/03/2011 12:37 - Singapore

Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 728

You deserved it 56 721

Coherence dude, do you have it?

You tried

Time is running out

24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 330

You deserved it 2 531

28/01/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 2 214

14/07/2014 23:04 - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 459

You deserved it 3 867

Bunged up

By P DarklyKira - 18/05/2020 23:00

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 152

25/10/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 718

You deserved it 43 302

You can count on it

By amie - 11/08/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 081

You deserved it 7 976

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 79

28/04/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 671

You deserved it 62 062

That's quite a gamble, sir

By Enrique - 29/04/2021 23:01

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 2 525

06/12/2008 07:51 - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 4 123

26/09/2009 23:02 - Canada

Today, I wrote to the guy whom I am in love with how I feel about him. He was very calm and told me to give him some time to think it over. Later in the day, I found out he blocked my number and rejected me on facebook. But, the worse part is he then texted me saying "This is my reply". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 093

You deserved it 5 014

24/09/2010 20:21 - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 191

You deserved it 14 811

18/08/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 590

You deserved it 4 823

28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 462

You deserved it 1 611

15/08/2016 10:11 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 141

You deserved it 987

09/09/2009 09:58 - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 492

You deserved it 54 515

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 110

29/12/2016 15:03 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mom doesn't believe you can get food poisoning from food that is cooked. She gave us food that had sat out all day/night and then got angry when I said we could get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 533

You deserved it 377

25/05/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 414

You deserved it 3 793

22/10/2013 16:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 370

You deserved it 13 136

10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 553

17/07/2019 20:03

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 230

18/10/2018 23:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 320

29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 646

You deserved it 30 832

09/10/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 146

You deserved it 49 786

08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 500

You deserved it 26 287

16/12/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 8 022

23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 739

You deserved it 6 257

06/12/2010 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 401

You deserved it 23 457

18/07/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 589

You deserved it 8 828

14/01/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 13 623

08/01/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 200

You deserved it 4 226

10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 5 926

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 288

You deserved it 1 023

Road angst

By Fishypickles - 21/09/2021 10:59

Today, my anxiety and depression were so bad that when I went to the post office and failed three times to parallel park, I promptly burst into tears, apologized, and drove off when a very nice lady offered to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 134

15/05/2009 07:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 627

You deserved it 9 576

05/04/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 167

16/11/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 574

You deserved it 2 379

28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 411

25/06/2013 20:43 - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 765

You deserved it 3 378

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:08

well that was stupid, things don't disappear after a wave of your magic finger

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:08

Lmao omg thats funny as crap

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:08

well that was stupid, things don't disappear after a wave of your magic finger

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:31

I've so done this before... twice. people make fun of me for it all the time.. you have to learn to laugh at yourself OP

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:43

lmao.. I wish I was there(;

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 17:42

haha , so true !

sterlingarcher 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:33

lol I agree with missbunny you should just learn to laugh at yourself :)

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 20:13

LOL

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 21:23

happened to me too!

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:05

missbunny is pretty.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:54

missbunny is freaking hot!!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 0:00

haha. and witty. lol

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 1:06

Omg I didn't know that blonde asians existed =O

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 1:56

thanks :) 89 made me laugh so hard bahah.. wasn't aware I looked asian.

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 2:11

I uhh don't see the aisian XD

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 2:21

asian?!? WHERE! jk I have done that so many times hahahaha never gets old

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:53

lol i twas talking about OP

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:57

oh my gash sounds like something I witnessed....or done....lol

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 4:01

104 OMG!!! I just had a huge blonde moment!!!!!!! I totally understand what you said now!!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 5:04

HA!!!! lol #1

Send a private message

Thursday 17 March 2011 23:00

missbunny looks like k$sha

Send a private message

Friday 18 March 2011 1:50

Ke$ha is so damn hot

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 March 2011 3:43

lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:08

Lmao omg thats funny as crap

jess6blondie9 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 17:08

Funny as crap? Hah.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:36

yeah some people find it fun to play with crap >_<

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 19:11

It doesn't mean you like playing with crap if you say "that's funny as crap" Are you guys mental or something??

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 19:13

49, it's called sarcasm.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:07

it's so sad how people are dumb enough not to understand that this is sarcasm. where is your guy's sense of humor?

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:13

Ikr !

OceanBreathesSal 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:09

haha that sucks. it happens to all of us so don't worry you'll fine.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:58

Edit: I zoned off apparently, I thought I was on a different post. I am very klutzy myself, but I just laugh it off...there's no reason not to.

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:26

hasnt happened to me

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:10

seriously is this what we've become?

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:58

obviously so...

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:17

this has ydi written all over it

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:58

or is it an FML to the glass door?

CherryBomb511 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:11

Don't worry OP, I'm sure the time will come when your friend will walk into a sliding glass door and hopefully you will be there.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:23

Your tattoo is so nice

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:08

awsome tattoo.

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 8:38

indeed

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:14

hahaha WIN!

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:18

I bet your friend have had a incredibly funny time. You're so hilarious OP, keep up the good work.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:25

Uh, first time you banged into it must have been such a hard hit, that you lost some short term memory...which caused you to forget you banged into it in the first place. Which is why you banged into it again? haha

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 17:52

lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:26

I'm pretty sure if you hit glass too hard it will break, otherwise if you keep hitting it you must be pretty fucking stupid

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 23:10

34. we all make mistakes. does that mean that we are all fuckin stupid?

NoMoreRainbows 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:45

yes. yes it does

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 March 2011 5:07

this comment is very dirty ;)

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:25

that's freakin funny!

chippa 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 16:32

Natural selection.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 100

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 132