By JacksWag4 - United States - Romulus

Thanks, I hate it!

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52408

You deserved it

21525

Favorite

Money

Season finale

Late term

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By justjoking - United States

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39618

You deserved it

7784

Favorite

By Zoogangcapk

Double Impact

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

510

You deserved it

9726

Favorite

By someone - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40066

You deserved it

3010

Favorite

By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27348

You deserved it

22327

Favorite

By Blake Lawrence - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26732

You deserved it

2594

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44913

You deserved it

3667

Favorite

By Fran - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49413

You deserved it

3356

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Nevada

Dumbasses

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57385

You deserved it

6304

Favorite

By gumbymn - 17/3/2021 00:30

Wakey wakey

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

672

You deserved it

324

Favorite

By Punk'd - 3/4/2021 08:00

Overreaction club

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

209

You deserved it

1808

Favorite

By Crucible101 - 24/8/2020 08:07

ASMR

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1109

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/6/2020 14:04

This one simple trick! Doctors hate her!

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1560

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By bad influence - 29/3/2021 15:30 - United States

Kids will be kids

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

976

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43015

You deserved it

4144

Favorite

By arrow - United States - Pomona

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22564

You deserved it

1992

Favorite

By Bali_Boil - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27326

You deserved it

6702

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Hedging your bets

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

639

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By Anne - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51312

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By David - United States - Seattle

Today, my mother-in-law moved in because she has a hip problem. I don't know what's worse, her constant complaining and slob like tendencies, or the eight cats she brought along with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25663

You deserved it

2112

Favorite

By Amber - United States

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37062

You deserved it

3246

Favorite

By WaterNeeded

Shortage

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3814

You deserved it

407

Favorite

By Matthew - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5051

You deserved it

300

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks

24397

You deserved it

3278

Favorite

By communistgirl - United States

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26838

You deserved it

4041

Favorite

By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30018

You deserved it

9647

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 05:02

Best Baby Names of 2021

Today, my boyfriend has had name ideas for his future son and daughter even before I met him, but so have I. He disregards my ideas and suggestions, and is hell bent on giving our kids names because he likes "the way they sound." 'Hippopotamus' sounds good, but who’d name their kids that? FML

I agree, your life sucks

838

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9853

You deserved it

18001

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64121

You deserved it

5246

Favorite

By Ella - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22357

You deserved it

5066

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommates fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13026

You deserved it

1124

Favorite

By Rejection - France

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28878

You deserved it

15606

Favorite

By secenteenmagazine. - Canada

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39139

You deserved it

13386

Favorite

By Screwupify - United States

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47741

You deserved it

7238

Favorite

By idontunderstand

Today, my father has been unemployed for 8 of my parents' 25 years of marriage, and my mom still supports him. I've been unemployed for three months and my mom is kicking me out. The difference is, I'm actually applying places. He just plays video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3640

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33068

You deserved it

12746

Favorite

By "Lennie Mcfish"

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me. Why do you ask? She caught me masturbating even though she previously told me she won't have sex with until she's married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3127

Phew, glad it wasn't me

506

Favorite

By ex-employee - United States

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18059

You deserved it

69060

Favorite

By Anonymous

You wanker!

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks

863

You deserved it

1768

Favorite

By Jess

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23694

You deserved it

4403

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25019

You deserved it

13748

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5631127 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:28

Didn't leave you with jack shit...

By georgeee97 | 9

#5631124 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:27

Dang man that sucks. Maybe you shoulda been nicer too your old grandpa :/

COMMENTS

By georgeee97 | 9

#5631124 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:27

Dang man that sucks. Maybe you shoulda been nicer too your old grandpa :/

webbface | 25

#5631159 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:36

Word, obviously there is more to this story then Jacks grandfather not being nice lol.

UNLUCKYyY1037 | 26

#5631163 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:37

^
Weiner

friedpwnadge | 25

#5631207 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:53

If he decided to screw you in front of the entire family, that's on his grave for all of eternity. Just be glad you make much more than that in an hour.

jkmartinjk | 16

#5631305 - Saturday 17 August 2013 7:38

I was wondering how the lawyer (or whomever did the reading,) read that aloud with a straight face...

corocoro | 30

#5631545 - Saturday 17 August 2013 14:45

And make less 69 jokes.

By pistachiopanda | 19

#5631127 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:28

Didn't leave you with jack shit...

tacojauns | 45

#5631198 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:48

Hey don't be a Jackass...

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5631222 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:03

This FML is pretty jacked up.

tacojauns | 45

#5631231 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:11

at least it's not jacked off.

phoughto | 5

#5631253 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:29

You went there....

JtPv | 14

#5631339 - Saturday 17 August 2013 8:34

41...how was that...you know what, I don't wanna know.

ApologyKick | 25

#5631525 - Saturday 17 August 2013 14:19

41- Speak for yourself. If I were the FML, I would like to be jacked off. But maybe that's just me.

By Nyx_fml | 23

#5631131 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:29

You're only immature if you giggled when you heard the "69".

etishuman22 | 32

#5631188 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:43

Well crap. I must suck. 'Cuz I laughed.

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5631216 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:58

I didn't giggle, I cackled. Good to see I've matured.

NatalieOntheTram | 11

#5631223 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:03

I guffawed.

etishuman22 | 32

#5631258 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:34

I guess I shouldnt be ashamed of my immaturity, then! Seems you've got company, OP!

DFresh503 | 8

#5631376 - Saturday 17 August 2013 9:30

Giggedy

BigJoeZD | 16

#5631559 - Saturday 17 August 2013 15:13

This comment has 96thumbs up at time of posting. If only I had a mirror :(

Ctrl_H | 18

#5631694 - Saturday 17 August 2013 17:37

A mirror would only make the numbers backwards...it still wouldn't be 69.

starile | 19

#5632600 - Sunday 18 August 2013 6:50

An Enchanted mirror would make it 69.

kaitlynanne33 | 5

#5731068 - Sunday 27 October 2013 5:42

I giggled lol

By kmm316 | 9

#5631132 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:29

Well, whether it was true or not, it was your Grandfather's choice what do to with his money. Sorry it didn't work out for you though OP :/

By TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5631134 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:29

Well that does suck, however if your creating an fml about not getting as much money as the rest if your family that's sad.

MattOnFML | 13

#5631160 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:36

True! This shouldn't be about not receiving money, but rather your family members death

UNLUCKYyY1037 | 26

#5631167 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:38

Dick was his name

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5631177 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:41

Before anyone points out my mistake should have said *of not "if". ._.

emeraldisle | 30

#5631195 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:46

Should also be "you're"

Nyx_fml | 23

#5631197 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:48

And here I was excited thinking you were correcting that awful "your" in your comment. Oh well, one step at a time.

TheGodDamnJoker | 9

#5631208 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:53

Ahhh no, better go put on my armor to prepare myself for the dowvotes.

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5631503 - Saturday 17 August 2013 13:44

The Joker does not don his armor when he gets downvoted. He blows up a hospital.

slybugsy | 5

#5631634 - Saturday 17 August 2013 16:35

Uh no, your was the correct spelling. Go back to school.

slybugsy | 5

#5631640 - Saturday 17 August 2013 16:39

Oh the first "your". Got It.

By ironik69 | 31

#5631137 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:30

Even in death, he trolled you.

By aboelmagd | 18

#5631138 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:30

Rest in peace old man.

By jayceejaco | 15

#5631139 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:30

You're grandpa didn't like you at all.

jayceejaco | 15

#5631199 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:48

Your*

Tdrizzzzzly | 19

#5631278 - Saturday 17 August 2013 6:52

How did you get that wrong in the first place?

hashshim | 21

#5631336 - Saturday 17 August 2013 8:31

52: I'm assuming it was due to autocorrect, that happens to me a lot.

By AnthonyWheeler15 | 24

#5631143 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:31

In a way that's sentimental, right?

GRgoldfish | 19

#5631690 - Saturday 17 August 2013 17:31

not even a little

By brave_josh | 9

#5631145 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:31

*About to die*
"Hehe, give Jack 69 cents."
*Dies*

Alihb | 16

#5631370 - Saturday 17 August 2013 9:22

Yet you can type a comment