Love: Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive,...

By ThroatSlasher - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26567

You deserved it

2401

Favorite

Love

Let's go girls!

Insane parents

Thanks Felicia

By prettylady? - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35005

You deserved it

2834

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18422

You deserved it

1353

Favorite

By Eureka! I still lose....

Today, I was accused of cheating on our math test, instantly granting me a perfect zero. How? I used the wrong formula on a problem, but ended up with the correct answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4829

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By Maddii1112 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14476

You deserved it

1087

Favorite

By ChrisD2V - United States

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10823

You deserved it

33843

Favorite

By BadLuckBetty - United States - Millville

Today, after weeks of flirting with the hot guy at the gym, he finally asked me to meet up with him outside. I was diagnosed with strep throat just hours before our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15907

You deserved it

1528

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38467

You deserved it

14911

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia

A for Effort

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

847

You deserved it

548

Favorite

By senelbeat - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41108

You deserved it

8517

Favorite

By GreenScar - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66688

You deserved it

5610

Favorite

By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States

Barf

Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1194

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By BracesSuck - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83379

You deserved it

3192

Favorite

By Annie - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21724

You deserved it

9189

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1612

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71326

You deserved it

17622

Favorite

By Unluckyducky - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27459

You deserved it

70003

Favorite

By herdopera

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2899

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By art_major - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43749

You deserved it

7586

Favorite

By curly_eyelashes - Canada - Windsor

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27728

You deserved it

14383

Favorite

By hahahawoww - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32385

You deserved it

4439

Favorite

By 94lbs of muscle

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56290

You deserved it

3347

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37844

You deserved it

2210

Favorite

By hatetheroommate - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27694

You deserved it

129628

Favorite

By sleepy125 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy rush party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22156

You deserved it

2018

Favorite

By lizardface - United States

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29463

You deserved it

10465

Favorite

By clothesthief - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31645

You deserved it

3907

Favorite

By gonebabygone - United States

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51089

You deserved it

9502

Favorite

By TheDumper - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14168

You deserved it

29956

Favorite

By gunnerdog - United States - Galveston

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45076

You deserved it

4989

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49629

You deserved it

10889

Favorite

By desertboi69 - United States - Ridgecrest

Today, I was preparing my raw meat with tire grease. Literally. My girlfriend replaced my teriyaki sauce with tire grease, because, she later told me, she had sex with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2393

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68816

You deserved it

16081

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4075

You deserved it

1031

Favorite

By SickOfYourShit - United States - Kennewick

Today, my boyfriend's bitch of a mother had surgery and now I'm expected to be her at-home nurse. I haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes thanks to her and I've barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22163

You deserved it

2950

Favorite

By Brook363 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

54656

You deserved it

3085

Favorite

By burb - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44899

You deserved it

3852

Favorite

By abusedparrot - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43128

You deserved it

6107

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/6/2020 14:02

Always wear protective gear

Today, while nailing a board down, I hit my thumb with the hammer. As I reached to console my throbbing finger, I dropped the hammer on my foot. When I went down to hold my foot, I smacked my head on the board. Now I've got a concussion, a smashed finger, and a bruised foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

589

Favorite

By amya - Canada

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35232

You deserved it

9893

Favorite

By Pouya - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11732

You deserved it

42704

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By StargazeKitsune | 18

#6384365 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:32

Just be glad people like that show their true colors right away instead of down the road. He saved you a lot of wasted time by making an ass of himself early on. You'll find better. :)

By Matheo_fml | 21

#6384348 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:26

You are better off without a douchebag like that!

COMMENTS

By cheezter | 15

#6384342 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:24

Well then it must be true, at least he didn't say ugly. You can't see boring in a pic lol

tantanpanda | 26

#6384444 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 8:56

What he said was mean, but not hard to understand.

Korpz13 | 16

#6387102 - Thursday 20 August 2015 21:14

? lol

By ALegitOreo | 11

#6384346 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:25

You deserve better than that
D-Bag

HarshD9619 | 34

#6384384 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:45

He should be scared for his life considering OP's username

By Matheo_fml | 21

#6384348 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:26

You are better off without a douchebag like that!

By Dynamite73 | 25

#6384351 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:26

Banana

By johnny29 | 14

#6384359 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:30

at least now you know what kind of personality he has.
it's better that you didn't go out with him. a relation started bad would have been bad and end bad

By cmac86 | 23

#6384362 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:30

ouch. you deserve much better. but it's better to know he's an asshole now rather than later.

stingray112 | 24

#6384823 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 18:49

Nobody fucking knows if OP Deserves better

By opiate_ape | 10

#6384364 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:31

Dick move on his part. Are you though?

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6384796 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 18:15

This is a relevant question.

RedDelirium | 14

#6385596 - Wednesday 19 August 2015 10:24

Maybe his comment can be taken as constructive criticism?

By StargazeKitsune | 18

#6384365 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:32

Just be glad people like that show their true colors right away instead of down the road. He saved you a lot of wasted time by making an ass of himself early on. You'll find better. :)

By MyNameIsLaughter | 18

#6384366 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:32

Well, guess you got your dreams and nightmares confused op. Glad you didn't get caught up with him before finding out he's a douche though. You deserve better.

By Anthonymm2 | 20

#6384368 - Tuesday 18 August 2015 7:32

People aren't always what they seem.