Today, I asked my Mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy... - FML

By - 29/1/2019 14:00 - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my Mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

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Last dates

Property law

The end of the road

By nickrick12 - 19/7/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

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By Girl With a Cold - 8/2/2012 18:46

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

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By jaskyriddims - 16/9/2009 19:58 - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

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By grossgross - 26/9/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

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By now what - 23/2/2015 23:52 - Canada

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

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By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

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By GotMyBitchBack - 5/9/2013 11:02 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

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By misspriss - 17/2/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 15:02 - Iraq

Trust

Today, my fiancée a year left me, a week after she told me she’s still talking to her ex. Her excuse for not telling me about this? Because, “You’ll make it a big deal out of it.” FML

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By AkaiKitsune - 12/8/2017 11:00 - Canada - Victoria

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

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By Faktafem - 19/6/2019 23:55

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2013 23:12 - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

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By DeadDude - 27/12/2011 11:29

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

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By poohanne - 12/1/2013 06:36 - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

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By TheRoad42 - 20/8/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

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By hatty - 23/9/2011 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 15:46

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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By snortingspunk - 3/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

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By XxHinkaixX - 1/8/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

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By Jaxur05 - 28/2/2012 13:27 - United States

Today, I get to stand in the unemployment line for the second time in a year because my company can't pay me. My parents own the company. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 17:43 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

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By Collin - 10/6/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

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By BigFoot - 29/7/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

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By craphanded - 19/7/2011 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2018 13:30

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

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By poopiemanlol - 1/12/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

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By "catty_13" - 26/9/2017 13:00

Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I've received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it's the best way to improve the company. FML

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By yourebeautiful - 31/12/2011 20:37 - United States

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By slondons - 18/1/2011 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

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By "Jester94752" - 15/3/2019 16:00

Today, a co-worker who lives 30 minutes out of my way had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2016 04:13 - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

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By Username - 21/8/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2017 08:00 - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML

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By Noname - 9/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I've worked my arse off to get the songs I sing in place and sounding good. Unfortunately, my coworkers haven't. Now the director wants to cut the songs I'm in because, "the people you're working with make you look shit." FML

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Top comments

By davidfong | 14

#7760952 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:30

I think this is her way of telling you that you need to buy your own clothes. Your an adult buy your own clothes.

By xicor | 1

#7760949 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:25

Why can't you buy your own damn shorts. You're an adult

COMMENTS

By xicor | 1

#7760949 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:25

Why can't you buy your own damn shorts. You're an adult

By Wobba1470 | 11

#7760950 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:25

Why didn’t you do this?

Reply

Jr Malvitz | 15

#7761139 - Wednesday 30 January 2019 2:01

could be they had the money on them and mom was leaving the retail store and asked her to buy them and he pay her back

By davidfong | 14

#7760952 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 14:30

I think this is her way of telling you that you need to buy your own clothes. Your an adult buy your own clothes.

By mike3775 | 32

#7760964 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 15:30

I don’t by my adult kids clothes, except as gifts for birthday/Christmas, and even then, only when that’s what they tell me they want.
At 20, you should be buying your own clothes. Enjoy the fluffy bubble shorts, you deserve it

By EinVoegelein | 8

#7760971 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 15:54

How is that a FML? Either start buying your own clothes or get over your insecurities about what people think of your shorts.

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7760973 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 16:04

Grow a pair, then go purchase a pair like a grown man.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7760991 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 17:15

Wear the damn shorts!

Mom usually has better fashion sense than you, so look sharp stylin’ your new, hot look!

By IrieStorm | 9

#7761004 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 18:15

You're a 20 year old guy, you can buy your own shorts.

By Sinshine | 27

#7761068 - Tuesday 29 January 2019 21:19

Buy your own clothes and you get the clothes you want.

By Paul ven | 7

#7761138 - Wednesday 30 January 2019 1:56

what a baby